


Animal

by Caroaimezoe



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-02-16 19:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 56,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13060272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroaimezoe/pseuds/Caroaimezoe
Summary: If Shredder has to lose his daughter, Splinter must lose a son.!!~~Winner in the Universal TMNT Fanfiction Competition 2017: (Mature Ballot) Best romance 2nd Place; ~~!!





	1. The argument

**Author's Note:**

> Illustration: MomoRaww  
> Beta: Kerry-Anne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture by How_do_you_do_fellows_kids

 

 

 

Psychology wasn’t the science at which Donnie most excelled. The variables were too volatile and suggestible, but it was an area for which he had an insatiable curiosity. Maybe living with Raph and Leo had something to do with it.

Donnie knew the immutable foundations: Freud, with his psychoanalysis, had determined three levels of consciousness with the ego. Don knew the definitions by heart:

The Id: A pot full of bubbling emotions. The id is the unconscious reservoir of drives, which are constantly active. Ruled by the pleasure principle, the id demands immediate satisfaction of its urges, regardless of undesirable effects. These needs have to be channeled, especially via sublimation. Instinct. For Raphael, his sublimation was aggression. And to make it an even more powerful work, he needed to turn this surge of rage towards the only thing that was able to resist him. Raphael wasn’t content with half a fight and half measures. Without danger, there was no glory.

The superego serves as a censor on the ego functions and comprises the individual's ideas, which are derived from the values of his family and society, being the source of guilty feelings and the fear of punishment. Splinter, Bushido, Sun Tzu. The Holy Trinity of which Leonardo was the eternal disciple. Self-control pushed to the extreme. This exasperated Raphael. Their opposite personalities, each of them a force of nature, clashed at every opportunity. Sometimes Leo’s wind dissipated Raphael’s fire and other times, the cold Leo spread the fire, like he’d done that evening.

They’d been searching for Karai and Raphael had expressed his displeasure, his disagreement, and his dislike of Karai. Leo had responded at first in a neutral tone, but on the verge of condescension as usual. But Raphael had then said something completely unexpected.

“I despise you, Leo. You’re not a leader! A true warrior doesn’t let himself be led by his stupid feelings!”

Leo completely froze. Donnie and Mikey glanced at one another out of the corner of their eyes and cautiously stepped backward, fearing a fight. The two youngest were used to the sometimes mean words from the hothead. They knew that Raphael didn’t really think about what he said to them, because of his general attitude. It could be said that he felt certain camaraderie for Don, because they shared a passion for mechanics and a real affection for Mikey, with whom he often played video games or exchanged comics. He’d never shown the natural affection to Leonardo. Although inseparable in childhood, they’d been on different paths since puberty. The only activity they shared was fighting, because they judged each other as the only worthy opponent. And although Leo was always the victim, who was designated to express his discontent, no one would have doubted that Raphael respected Leo. Donnie, himself, had often thought that Raphael lived for the Hamato heir’s approval. Leo was also Mikey and Donnie’s hero. A parental figure. And Don was convinced that Raph felt the same way, even if he never admitted it. Yes. His younger brothers sometimes laughed at Leo’s rigidness, but in the depths of their souls, Leo’s respect had been rooted since childhood. And not just because their father had trained them, but also because Leo’s personality imposed it. Nothing in him could induce disdain. Raphael's insult was unjustified and intentionally offensive. Leo was battling against Raphael's blows and recriminations, but not against this moral slap. Don saw that the "wind" was going to turn into a storm. Leo rarely lost his "cool" attitude, but when he did, his anger matched that of Raphael’s. In exasperation, Leo raised his arms in the air and said, “Here we go again! Always the same story. Jealous of my leadership? Drop it, Raph, and grow up! Having feelings isn’t harmful to being a good leader. Master Splinter’s often explained that demonstrating emotions, like compassion, proves the makings of a good leader! Maybe that’s why he picked me and not you. I don’t have a stone-cold heart.”

Donnie nervously gritted his teeth.  For anyone, who was a close observer and who lived in Raphael's intimacy long enough, the truth was flagrant. Raph was a huge softy under his bad boy lone wolf façade. It was an indisputable fact that he and Mikey would often laugh about. It was unthinkable that Leo's insight didn’t break through. Only one eventuality would occur. Leo would intentionally reply with an as scathing and hurtful remark.

Nobody could stop Leo, when he was on a tirade. Leo bottled up his emotions and usually only exploded once or twice a year. Don noticed that Raph, still under Leo’s fury, was trembling in rage. The genius turtle stopped to briefly listen, while Leo now spoke in a master mastered and controlled tone. “All this anger against Karai, Raph. Why? Why are you so vehemently anti her? If Master Splinter and I trust her, that’s supposed to suffice. But you know what, Raph? I’ll give you what you want and will patiently listen to your reasons. If they’re acceptable, you’re exempt from my mission concerning her and you can stay home.”

Donnie had a brief moment of relief. Leo had calmed down after letting his emotions get the better of him. When the "id" took precedence over the "superego". Leo couldn’t handle the idea of "letting go" too long. Being the daily witness of Raphael's sometimes beastly behavior, made him determined not to be led by his wild impulses. Despite having the more human DNA, 47.9% of Leo’s was reptilian after all. He turned to Raphael and with surprise, he noticed that anger and indignation were filtering through all the pores of his skin. A vein in his temple was pulsing and that wasn’t a good sign. Leo’s attempt at a ceasefire was now aborted.

“I don’t fucking ask to be exempted from it, so that I can stay home and be a lazy ass,” Raphael spat. “I just don’t want there to be any damn rescue missions for dat bitch!”

Leo raised his voice. Raph’s curses and belligerence always riled him up.  “Why, Raph? Everyone here believes it’s the right thing to do! Mikey, me, Donnie, Master Splinter and even Casey and April. How is your aversion so justified that we have to bow to your whim? I want to know and you know what, Raph? This is your opportunity to convince me. Persuade me and I’ll abandon the mission. Yes. I’m exasperated, due to your unreasonable attitude. I’m ready to do that if you convince me and Mikey and Donnie of course.  I want a complete consensus. I’ll take care of Master Splinter following the revelation of your captivating arguments.”

Leo folded his arms and waited.

Don turned his gaze to Raphael. Leo was an honest turtle. If he’d suggested it, he was ready to assume his share of the conditions. But Leonardo was also naturally inflexible and resolute. To shake his conviction that rescuing Karai was a priority would be a task in which Raphael wouldn’t succeed, due to his poor eloquence. In fact, the suggestion was poisoned. Leo had sincerely proposed that Raphael state his reasons, but he had to know that Raphael wouldn’t sufficiently be able to formulate reasons strong enough to support his belief that Karai was vain and harmful.

A debate was clearly on Raphael’s mind, the bulk of his rage, diverted by the speed at his which his brain was going. He moved cautiously, which surprised Donnie and said, “I don’t trust her, Leo.”

“Raph,” Leo said and sighed tiredly. “Do you trust me? You know I’ll never put our team at risk! Neither would master Splinter. We know what we’re doing. If I thought there was any danger for you three, I wouldn’t do it.”

“I don’t give a damn about the three of us,” Raphael grumbled.

“What do you mean? Are you talking about Master Splinter? Yes, he’s a rat and she’s half snake, but…”

“I’m not talking about Splinter,” Raphael spat irritably. “I’m talking about you, oh mighty Fearless Leader.”

“Raph, I know how to fight when I have to. And Karai, as clever and as skilled as she is…”

“I’m not talking about that either! She is indeed clever, but not just with her sword. I mean, how she has you wrapped around her little finger. A promise, a wink or even imagine the worst scenario, a kiss, and we’re all forgotten and you’ll ditch us!”

“Are you jealous, Raph?” Leo asked calmly. Donnie noticed Raph’s momentary trouble before Leo continued, “Are you jealous that I can have a girlfriend before you?”

Raphael’s green eyes stared at Leo incredulously, before he roared, “There’ll be no girlfriends for you, for me or for any us! We’re monsters, abominations remains of failed experiments!”

Leo immediately made a gesture, which was as absurd, as it was touching. He hugged his younger brothers against him to clog their ears. “Raphael, how dare you!”

“Because you have to get your fucking head out of your ass and the sooner the better! It was hard enough seeing Donnie swooning over April, but hey! The guy spends his life reading books or on his laptop. We’ve known for a long time that it plays on his on his perception of reality, but you ...”

“Don’t drag Donnie into this,” Leo growled.

“You,” Raph continued. “Are supposed to be smarter and not to fall directly into her web, like other fools. You…”

“Raphael, that’s enough! Do you have other reasons? Spill the beans once and for all!”

The temperamental turtle’s eyes narrowed, his face intense, he approached Leo and pressed his plastron against the leader’s. Then, in a gritty voice, he bowed his head to Leo and said, “Do you really want me to tell you all my thoughts on the subject, Fearless?”

Raphael's warm breath, his voice, his proximity, all sent Leo red flags. In Leo’s growing discomfort, he resorted to his strategy of survival to rebalance the balance of power that he didn’t have at that moment. He firmly put on his "Fearless Leader" mask, his posture stiff, his eyes cold and said in an unyielding tone, “Raphael, I’ve changed my mind. It doesn’t matter what you think, but I’m not a tyrant. You don’t want to help us. Perfect. You have free rein and can go do whatever you want, as long as it’s far away from us.”

Hurt flickered in Raphael’s green eyes, which then changed to an amber glow that occurred when he was overcome with emotion and couldn’t handle it.

Donnie thought it was time to intervene before Leo and Raph caused irreparable damage to their already chaotic and strained relationship. But he didn’t have time, because Raphael, burned by Leo’s words, hurried away into the darkness of the night.

Raphael didn’t return that evening or the following one.

Six weeks passed.

No news from Raphael.

Leo had out of pride and remorse (and to reassure Mikey) had concealed his anxiety for the first three days. He’d simply asked April and Casey to keep an eye out and tell him if they had news or information. But when Raphael hadn’t returned on the third evening, Leo burst into imprecations. How could Raph do that to them? He knew he was driving them mad with anxiety. The hothead must have gotten into trouble as usual! Then Leo's anger was replaced by guilt. And then, the desperation that Leo was trying to hide for the team’s morale.

Donatello didn’t remain idle and was always thinking. The loss of his beloved brother was so painful and he was desperately always searching for answers. What was Raphael going to say, before Leo interrupted him that was so important that Leo's refusal, without hearing him, had caused Raphael to lose it to the point of running away for so long? Raphael and Leo had lived together forever.

Raphael knew that Leo's anger never lasted long and that it was always followed by sincere apologies. After all, their confrontation hadn’t been the worst that Don had witnessed. Raphael sometimes acted uncontrollably and seemed to have no serious motive, but staying out of the lair with no news of him for nearly a month wasn’t like him. Raphael had, despite his explosions, shown a sincere and deep affection for his family. Even Leo. Raphael knew very well that Leo was dying from remorse and anguish and that Mikey was still crying. And that Donnie didn’t tolerate stress well and that their father was sad. Raphael had, although Leo had said he didn’t, a lot of heart and he was a softy. If Raphael hadn’t returned, it was because he was being held against his will or he was dead. But Don refused to dwell on those sinister thoughts.

It was an evening like the others had been, the 42th day since Raphael’s disappearance. Leo was leading yet another research mission. To cover more distance, despite the danger, they decided to separate. Michelangelo, in his carelessness, went straight into a Foot ambush, but when they answered Mikey's conference call, that wasn’t the reason why Don and Leo ran.

 

According to Mikey, a "kind of Raph" was with them.

Donatello being the closest arrived first on the scene. At a glance, he analyzed the situation. Mikey was defending himself, as best he could against a mutant turtle, but that couldn’t be Raphael. Don was the tallest of the brothers at 6 foot 4. Leo was next and was 6 foot 1. Raphael and Mikey were next at 5 foot 11 and 5 foot 10 respectively. The turtle Mikey faced was a good 8 inches taller than Donnie. Likewise, Raphael had weighed a little more than 225 pounds at his last tri-monthly exam. The monster in question had to weigh a good 300 pounds, which was all muscle. It was impossible for Raphael to become a mastodon in such a ridiculously short time. But the eyes were the same color green and the plastron bore identical scars to Raph’s. Don saw Mikey talk to him, try to reason and to communicate with the beast and he saw something that broke his heart.  No recognition shone in “Raphael’s” eyes.

“Donnie, stop daydreaming! Mikey’s in danger!”

With his natural presence, Leo jumped near where to Mikey and Raph were fighting. He unsheathed his katana and went to Mikey’s defense, making his way through the foot soldiers, who blocked his way. Then, there was a series of events that Donnie couldn’t analyze in the haze of the fight, because he had to defend himself. The established facts being:

-The creature turned away from Mikey upon seeing Leo.

-The creature grunted to warn Leo not to approach. Obviously, the thing couldn’t be Raph, because he didn’t seem to want to engage in a fight with Leo.

-When he saw him, he rushed at Donnie with the same murderous rage that he’d displayed towards Michelangelo.

-Leo tried to join Donnie, but he was then attacked by a soldier of Shredder's Elite.

Donnie stared at the Raphael in front of him. His eyes were the same color, but only the desire to kill shone through them. Afraid of such a vicious attitude, Don looked for Leo. It was a natural reaction of the brothers to always seek help from the eldest. Raph followed Donnie's gaze and Donnie thought that Raph would let go and throw himself at Leo, but he was wrong. Everything happened, while Donnie blinked. For a moment, Raphael was on him, having broken his bo in two and squeezed his throat with all of his might. The, a heartbeat later, and Don refused to believe what he’d seen, even if he had seen it, Raphael was biting the elite’s carotid artery and biting deep into the flesh. Then he bit into bloody shreds that Don’s brain refused to identify. Then, even more horrible, he managed to decapitate the man’s head and sent it rolling to Leo’s feet.

Raph was unleashed by the Foot to decimate them. Frightened by this turn of events, they scattered like a flock of sparrows. Mikey must have had the optimistic thought that Raphael must have returned to himself, but he discovered how wrong he was when Raphael also attacked him. Leo intervened again, desperately trying to make Raphael listen to reason. He stared at him with penetrating eyes. They were expressing something, but Donnie couldn’t put his finger on it, because the real Raphael never looked like that. Then, he held his head in his hands, as if he was suffering and Donnie had a revelation.

“Leo, stop talking,” Don said. “I think that confuses him more.”

“But, Don,” Leo said in an upset tone. “How do we bring him back with us?”

Don hesitated and he reluctantly placed a soothing hand on Leo’s shoulder, knowing that he wouldn’t like his answer. He hastily withdrew his hand when a growl warned him. Whatever the reason, Raphael didn’t approve of Donnie touching Leo and he was baring his teeth, the bottom half of his face still smeared with blood. This convinced Donnie even more of the validity of his answer.

“Leo, I'm sorry, but I don’t think we can take him home. At least, not today. He won’t want to follow us. Mikey’s hurt and I need to think. Let’s go.”

“No. I'm not giving up on Raph! We’ll bring him home and you’ll examine him! We’ll find a solution to get him out of this trance!” That said, Leo bravely seized Raphael's wrist.

Raphael jumped, startled. Then, he did a totally incomprehensible gesture, which was leaning over Leo and sniffing him. He then pulled away, keeping his face neutral, and fled.

Donnie stopped Leo again and said, “Let him go! He isn’t ready and we aren’t either!”

Back at the lair, after disinfecting and bandaging his younger brother’s wounds, Donnie was pondering. Raphael had clearly been captured by Shredder and had undergone both a physical and mental transformation. The process must have been painful and traumatic. For some reason, Leo was apparently the only one to receive a less aggressive approach. Far from being friendly, the Raph’s attitude was more circumspect around the young chef. Was Leo more intimidating? No. Leo wasn’t as intimidating as the Elite, whose neck Raphael had literally devoured. And there was little left to the colossus that was now Raph. Moreover, Leo was sweating in panic, which never happened. The beast that was Raphael must have perceived his fright and the despair in Leo’s blue eyes. So, it wasn’t that. The more he thought about it, the more he could analyze Raphael's gaze. The creature gauged Leo as a being and not as an adversary. Did he remember Leo more because of their conflicting relationship? It would be rather paradoxical that Leo was now the only one with whom Raphael didn’t want to have an argument! For Raphael hadn’t displayed the same commiseration with his other brothers. He’d snapped Mikey’s arm and had gripped Donnie’s throat so tightly, that the muscles were still sore and he could barely swallow his saliva. And the true Raphael, despite always cherished his younger brothers and more openly than Leo, however despite Leo’s many interventions, Leo hadn’t suffered any injuries. Donnie knew for certain that the thing or Raph-he didn’t know what to call it anymore-wanted to destroy him and Mikey. How could they in these circumstances and conditions bring Raph back to the lair and keep him calm long enough to figure out what the problem was and to find a solution?

Don, Leo and Splinter discussed it for hours. Yes. They had to bring Raphael home and free him from this. They were in agreement about that.  Don was doubtful about the effects dissipating by themselves when Leo asked about it. Shredder didn’t do things by half measures. Don rejected the idea of using tranquilizing darts, pointing out that their brother had the thickest skin of them all. A simple dart fired from a distance, wouldn’t pierce the skin. Moreover, when Raph woke up, he’d be incensed that he’d been taken against his will. Donnie reasoned that whatever method they’d used, Raph had been reduced to a wild beast and had no memories of his former life. In order to tame a beast, one had to slowly approach it, gain its confidence and then to finally bait it. But before that they’d have to ready to receive Raphael and to keep him locked up, so changed would need to be made in his room.

Having demonstrated that Raph had been less ferocious with Leo, Don suggested that he be the ambassador. If Leo could start by getting close enough to Raphael to have a sample of his bodily fluids, like blood, Don could start testing it to maybe create an antidote. On the other hand, since the meeting was likely to be unpredictable, Leo had to wait for Mikey’s recovery before taking action, so that if things went wrong, they’d be reinforcements for the leader.

Leo spent the day meditating in the dojo, but he didn’t find peace. None of the brothers went out the following evening, but no one could sleep. Donnie, exhausted, decided to get up after eight hours of tossing and turning in his bed. He found what appeared to be a statue staring at the TV in the living room.

Don curiously approached. It wasn’t like Leo to watch TV so early in the morning. The only thing moving was Leo’s hands, which were clutching a red bandanna and wringing it. Donatello realized what was happening after a minute. The same pictures were looping.

Four people from the Purple Dragons had been found in China Town, their throats jagged. An expert thought the bites may have been caused by a gigantic and flat-toothed animal, but not of the canine or feline species. The police advised people not to go out in this area after dark. Donnie understood what Leo had already deduced. Raphael was the culprit. It was Don's fault, because he’d refused to forcefully bring Raphael home and innocent victims had paid for his decision. Don stretched out a hand, hoping to comfort Leo, but he stood without a word and locked himself in the wild turtle’s unoccupied room. He didn’t emerge all day.

Leo went out at night, hiding the package he was carrying. He wasn’t sure if his idea was good and it was potentially risky. But it was worth it. It was action! Inaction drove him crazy and leaving Raphael in the darkness that had to be his world was too much for Leo. All of this had happened because of him.

His steps naturally brought him near to where the victims of the previous day had been found. He wasn’t disappointed. Guided by the smell of blood, he headed to a narrow, dark alley. He approached carefully, but not too much. He didn’t want to take Raphael by surprise and make him nervous.

The beast, no, Raphael, Leo corrected himself, sniffed and turned around. Leo tried not to dwell on the blood on Raphael’s face and the victim at his feet. He slowly knelt down and placed what he’d brought with him, which were a pair of sai and a red bandanna, onto the ground. Leo then stayed still. Giving weapons to a madman might not be a great idea, but perhaps Raphael would remember them. And, Leo thought, if he absolutely wants to decimate the Dragons, at least it would be done cleanly. Raphael kept his eyes fixed on the kneeling turtle and approached. He began by sniffing Leonardo, who let himself go. He took the sai and Leo watched in amazement, as he spun them with the usual ease. Muscle memory maybe, but still a memory, Leo thought desperately. Raphael regarded the bandanna with disdain. Once he held the weapons, the turtle drew back, still staring at Leo. His eyes expressed puzzlement. Leo waved his hand to show him that the sai were a gift. Raphael seemed to think. Then he grinned and without looking back, he left and disappeared.

Leo returned home, both despondent and hopeful. He hated lying to his brothers, but he decided to say nothing about the meeting, not sure if his actions would yield a good result.

After barely sleeping the next day, because he was too tormented, Leo hesitated before turning on the TV. Don intervened and said, “Only one died, but they’ve hardly talked about it. The main news is about the theft of more than one hundred and fifty thousand Dollars’ worth of jewelry downtown.”

Leo wasn’t really listening because money didn’t interest him. The fact of the matter was that Leonardo's presence must have appeased Raphael because he hadn’t murdered anyone after their meeting. Yes. He’d go out again that evening.

The place of the day before seemed to him indicated, in spite of the security cords barring the access. He didn’t have to wait long.

The fugitive jumped from a balcony and landed heavily near Leo, a funny rattling sound occurring, as he landed. Leo noticed that he wore his sai in a sort of thong around his waist. He seemed to be waiting for something. Then, cautiously, as if Leo was a beast to tame, but without kneeling, Raphael bowed to display a less threatening attitude and he quickly emptied the contents of the bag he held.

Leo gasped. Gold, silver, and diamonds glittered on the ground. Leo glanced at Raphael, who repeated the gesture Leo had shown him the previous day. It was an offering. Leo quickly realized that he’d given Raphael a present the day before. An expensive jeweler was robbed a few hours later. And now, Raphael offered the fruits of his stealing to Leo. Of course, Raphael's intention was the most peaceful he’d had so far, but the theft was still a crime and Leo gently shook his head that he expected not to be too insulting to Raph’s fierce soul. Raphael’s face wore a displeased expression. He waved the jewels impatiently and pulled out a beautiful bracelet from the pile. He gripped Leo’s wrist and placed the bracelet on it.

Leo was a simple non-materialistic being, who’d never felt the need to acquire superfluous and even less unnecessarily expensive objects and the righteousness of his soul refused to accept the fruits of a crime. But something in Raphael begged him to accept. Then with a sigh, Leo made a slight motion of acquiescence with his head to indicate that he accepted the present. Raphael now looked contented. He reached out his hand, gently tugged on Leo’s bandanna to untie it and tied it to his right wrist.

Raphael then, eyes boring into Leo’s, moved closer. He sniffed Leo again and smiled predatorily this time. He tilted his head and his mouth brushed Leo's carotid artery. This filled Leo with immense apprehension. Was that what Raph did before he slaughtered people? He gained their trust and then…

Leo's thoughts were interrupted by a kind of a purr that seemed to emanate from Raph's chest. Surprisingly, this sound awakened something deeply buried, a kind of happy anticipation, in Leo. No matter what he wanted to do, Raphael wasn’t in a belligerent mood. He seemed to be waiting for some kind of permission from Leo. The latter, guided by an instinct he didn’t know he had, moved his head to leave more space for Raphael, whose mouth was still on his neck. While purring again, Raphael sank his teeth into Leo's flesh. Leo cried out in pain and surprise at first, but it then calmed Leo like a sedative. His legs felt like jelly and if Raphael hadn’t firmly gripped him, he’d have fallen. Then Raphael traced circles with his tongue on the bite, further numbing the blue-clad turtle’s senses. Alternating between licking and biting, following the first bite, Raphael expressed what seemed to be immense satisfaction with a series of sounds that Leonardo had never heard before.

Raphael pressed up more against him, holding his head with both hands with a solid grip, leaving a thick layer of saliva on the bite caused by his teeth. Leo grew even weaker to the point that he wondered if Raphael’s saliva was poisoned. Leo then had a thought. Donatello had asked him to bring back a bodily fluid sample to study it and to make a diagnosis. It was the second step after gaining Raph’s confidence. The mission was successful. He had to leave now, because he didn’t know how long saliva would be usable and also because he had to admit, he’d lost his self –control and that greatly frightened him. Suddenly, the same purring noises that had come from Raph, were escaping his own lips.  The animal part of his being answered Raphael, although the conscious part was unsettled and wanted to flee. As soon as he heard the noises, Raphael stopped and replied with the same purr.

He realized that they were now against the wall, because Raphael suddenly turned him and pressed him up against the brick. Being back to Raphael was a dangerous position, and though Leo had to admit that if Raphael had wanted to kill him, he’d have done so long before, alarm bells echoed in his brain. He had to flee. Now. But Raphael was holding him tightly and didn’t seem ready to leave Leo, his teeth grazing his throat and shoulder.

Leaning against the wall, his heart beating in his chest at an alarming rate, Leo tried to reform the shreds of his determination. Raphael's hands wandered down Leo’s body, seemingly wanting Leo to adopt a specific position. Leo’s temple boiled, his heart still pounding, Leo closed his eyes, gasping and trying to regain his self-control. An intoxicating smell permeated the air and the over-stimulation of the senses made Leo turn his head. With confidence, but without excessive brutality, Raph's fingers stroked Leo’s tail, which he’s discovered, was hyper-sensitive. Leo felt like putty in expert hands and any will or combativeness seemed to have left him. He emitted a range of unusual sounds, without being able to restrain himself, and the pressure in his shell grew more and more intense.

Leo knew the nature of the physiological reaction that his body was experiencing. Although sexuality wasn’t a field he knew much about, he knew how to recognize an erection. Shame overwhelmed him. It was bad. Bad with a capital B. His brother wasn’t himself and Leo felt pleasure in abusing this temporary state of weakness. What would Raphael say when he regained his former personality? He’d be deeply disgusted with Leo and he’d finally have a good reason to despise him. With dread, he was brutally aware that he was raising his rump, while Raphael's hand snuck between his thighs to spread them. No. it wasn’t Raphael, the Beast. It was him, Leo. Raphael was guilty of nothing, having no conscience anymore and no longer being able to distinguish between right and wrong. He was, supposedly, the healthiest and reasonable of the two, and he had to prove it now. He had to fight against this low instinct that drove him to such degrading acts. Leo's new resolution was going to evaporate like snow in the sun when he felt something hard and hot rubbing against the back of his thighs. He bit his lip to hold back a final groan of surrender.

Salvation suddenly came in the form of flashing lights that lit up the alley, coming from a police car. Raphael froze for a moment, loosened his grip and Leo seized the opportunity. He took a smoke bomb and smashed it against the ground. Raphael growled in frustration when he realized that his prey had disappeared.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	2. The theorie

Back at the lair, after turning around and checking more than a dozen that he wasn’t being followed, Leo, who was still shocked, caught his breath. He had frightened himself more than Raphael had scared him. He had to calm down and shower before Donnie noticed something and…

Shit.

Donatello was awake and was in the middle of the living-room. Looking at Leo straight in the eyes, he calmly asked, “And?”

“You ... DID YOU KNOW?”

“Leo, you the most stubborn turtle I know. I knew that it would weigh you down if you had to wait for undercover. Did you see him and did you approach him?”

Leo told everything. Telling everything aroused less indignation than he’d feared. He showed Donnie the heavy, expensive bracelet that glittered on his wrist. Don’s expression grew thoughtful. Then his eyes landed on the bloody bruises on Leo’s neck. “What is that, Leo? A bite?”

“Yes. Uh…I was wondering if you could take a saliva sample.”

“Yes. That’s great, Leo! It could have been tricky to get a blood sample. How’d you convinced Raph to bite you? It must have been very painful!”

“Eh. Not that much!”

“The bite mark’s clear and made by a determined animal, but by one in control. He was calm.”

“Yes. Can you analyze the specimen? And me too? I felt strange when he bit me.”

“How strange? Can you be more specific?”

“Stunned…Numb.” Confessing his plaintive screams and erection was out of the question.

“What’s special is that it’s the most erogenous zone of a turtle, with the tail, the genitals and the anus for the males. The fact that he bit is troubling. Did he touch you elsewhere?”

“Not that I remember.”

Leo hated lying, but admitting what had really happened was beyond his strength. Confessing the submission and even the pleasure he’d felt when he’d been in Raph’s arms was impossible. He resolved to take that secret to his grave.

“Ah.” Donatello rested his chin on his hands, like he always did when he was thinking intensely. “Okay. I’ll analyze the sample. Go and rest and I'll give you the result when you wake up.”

Leo lay tossing and turning in his bed, unable to sleep, his body and mind still feeling tense. He knew how to manually relieve the tension, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t masturbate, while fantasizing about his own brother. Leo wasn’t a Christian, but he was certain that a place was waiting for him in the circles of hell if he committed that monstrous act. Exasperated by his desire that wouldn’t die, he dropped his cock down and tried to think about Karai, which wasn’t honorable, but it was slightly less abominable. When he’d climaxed, his soothed body was finally able to sleep.

His unconsciousness, on the other hand, was far from being so submissive. He spent the night dreaming about Raphael and himself intertwined in lascivious embraces. But he dreamed of "the old" Raphael and in his dream he was fully aware of his actions and the whispered licentious words in his ear. He remembered his dreams when he woke up and he thought he’d die of shame when he saw his messy sheets, still stained with his essence. Then he eagerly got up. He needed to see Donnie. He was surely intoxicated to be behaving this way and he must have been poisoned with some kind of chemical when Raphael had bitten him.

Leo took a long shower, hoping the water would wash away his sins, Raphael’s scent and whatever was still attached to his skin. He fought his desire to relieve his morning erection and cursed his endless lust. He went out more exhausted than after a training session.

Don was in the kitchen, thoughtful, and drinking a steaming cup of coffee.

“Donnie, are you okay?” Leo asked. “Have you slept? Do you have the results?”

The genius raised his sad eyes and said, “I slept for three hours. I tried to go back to bed around four a.m., but it was in vain. The important thing is that I have news.  Good and bad. What do you want to hear first?”

“The bad.”

Donnie nodded, having foreseen his chief’s answer. “Good.  No matter what happened, Raph’s sample reveals nothing. It’s not an injectable product that makes it that way, so I can’t produce an antidote because I don’t know the nature of the problem.”

“But you will find an antidote eventually?”

“Perhaps, but I need Raph here in order for that to happen. The second news is that it’s indeed our brother, Raphael, and not a monster that looks like him. It’s his genetic code one hundred percent.”

“And the good news?”

“You’ve absolutely nothing in your blood and no toxins. The bite was totally harmless, but don’t worry,” he continued with an attempt to smile at Leo’s paralyzed look. "I will find a solution to bring back our old Raph.”

The old Raph. What would the old Raph say when he was aware of what had happened?”

“I need your help, Leo. You have to tell me everything right down to the smallest detail. Raph’s obviously lost ability to speak, but animals communicate non-verbally. On the other hand, they can produce noises, like grunts, that must be learned in order to be analyzed. We need to determine which action "X" causes a "Y" reaction. We’ll avoid his anger because some animals can become furious when we ignore the signals they send us. Raphael must "communicate" with us and not understanding that can eventually make him turn against us in a definitive way. You’ll wear a microphone next time. I don’t want to miss a sound that it could capture. You’ll have to try different attitudes so that I can study his answers. Mikey and I will be at your next meeting. I have to, so I can analyze your interactions and Mikey is reinforcement and a second opinion. Mikey can sometimes be more intuitive and insightful than we think. If it turns sour, we'll be there to support you. Of course, you’ll be in a better position to get information, because you’ll be with him. I’d like you to tell me again what happened during the meetings, but to focus on what Raphael did. His behavior, his body’s movements, the expressions on his face and his eyes. What caused him to bite you so deeply when he wasn’t angry? Wait. I want to make notes.”

Donnie was now intrigued by the scientific challenge of Raphael, but Leo almost regretted it. He didn’t want to go into the specifics of his interactions with Raphael. But he had no choice if he wanted to help his brother.

Leo began his story again and ignored his own emotions. He’d gotten to talking about the point, when Donnie interrupted him and said, “With the exchanging of presents, I can say that Raphael’s formed an alliance with our clan. He treated you with more respect because you’re more of an equal to him than we are. He must have perceived that you were our leader. Then he bit you to show that despite the ‘peace treaty’ he still considered himself superior. This, I believe, is the most plausible explanation. The other explanation is impossible, but did he touch you elsewhere?”

“The tail, but hardly!”

“Interesting. The bite’s usually how males warn of the choice of a partner. I mean, a sexual partner. Touching and stroking the tail’s a second indication of the desire that one has. It’s a gentler way of signifying one’s intention than the bite. The tail’s also a very erogenous zone that stimulates excitement, soothes stress and that predisposes the body for penetration for us, mutant turtles. But if a part of the old Raph still existed in this body, he’d castrate himself before that happened. This new Raph’s more bestial than tender. If he’d wanted you, he’d have taken you and to hell with the preliminaries. So, you see that the first theory’s more likely.”

Leo’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment and he said, “Yes. I see.”

“Too bad the police arrived. I’d have liked to have known more. I’m sorry, Leo, but I’m not sure we can go out tonight! Mikey needs another day of rest for his arm and I have several things to prepare. I have to adapt Raph’s room for some kind of cell. I made the plans and have the materials, but I’m far from finished. I have to install cameras, exhaust pipes for sleeping gas and to set up obstacles. I also have to quilt the walls, add a private bath and hope he’ll learn to use it. If we don’t want to put him to sleep all the time, I have to design a microchip that you can place on him if you can get close enough. I also want to gather existing data to help you with your next interview.”

Next interview. Luckily, with Donnie’s hectic agenda, it might take a week or even two weeks. Although Leo didn’t want to leave Raphael in his wild state for too long, it would give him time to pull himself together. There was no way he wanted to see Raphael right now. Not when the memories of his dreams of the previous evening were still so vivid in his mind.

It was a long day. Leo was happy about Master Splinter’s absence for some unexplained reason. Splinter would have noticed his condition and asked embarrassing questions, to which he’d have been obliged to answer truthfully. Leo could no longer lie to his father and Sensei. He showered several times and spent many unproductive hours in the lotus position. He tried to listen to his favorite show, read, compose but found himself unable to concentrate. He couldn’t help Donnie in anything. The perfect ninja that Leonardo was proverbially known as didn’t know how to do anything else but handle his swords or shurikens. His inaction being obligatory, Leo tried to comfort himself with Mikey’s carefree and sunny presence. Mikey did his best to give Leo time and even made him an infusion of verbena and chamomile so that he could have a restful sleep.

The fact is that night, after one last thought about Raph and wondering if he’d notice Leo’s absence, the leader fell into a deep sleep.

He woke up, slightly comatose and his tongue thick with a bitter aftertaste on the palate. He quickly identified it, as the drug that Mikey had been instructed to by Donnie to give him. Leo still maintained his watch over the youngest. Donnie sometimes took the opportunity to subtly slip Leo sleeping pills when Leo, who was prone to insomnia, seemed tormented. Leo was almost grateful for once. He didn’t have obscene dreams and his thoughts didn’t seem as focused on the events. He showered and joined his brothers in the kitchen. He wanted strong tea and toast with jam. He’d watched Mikey warm up canned food and slightly spoiled fruit yesterday.  Then he wanted to read the paper. It was so late, that Michelangelo, who was assigned to the task, brought him back

As soon as Leo entered the kitchen, he knew, thanks to his sixth sense, that something was wrong. His brothers were hiding something really serious from him. He was the one who took news with the most coolness, but he still wondered why. He began to prepare his daily tea, hoping to find comfort in the routine.

Leo asked the question in a roundabout way, because he wasn’t ready for a direct answer right now. “Good morning, guys. Have you finished the comics in the paper, Mikey?”

“Um. I forgot to bring the paper.”

It was clearly a lie, because they always got the paper and Don had to make up for the blunder. “It’s not so bad, Leo. We have TV. In thirty minutes the news channel will be as good.”

“Uh! I broke the TV,”Mikey stammered. “Don will fix it eventually, right, Don? Anyway, there’s a new trend happening. No electronic stuff for a month. I thought it would be a good opportunity to try that!”

“The newspaper isn’t considered "electronic" Mikey, at least not the paper version!” Leo said.

“Donnie told me about it. Didn’t you, Donnie?” Mikey asked nervously, his frightened eyes rolling in his youthful face and throwing Donnie under the bus without any remorse.

Leo sighed before Donnie could say anything. “Mikey, little brothers don’t have to protect their big ones. I can take care of myself. What did he do?”

“More than twenty. Not just Dragons,” Mikey said in terror. “Not just China Town. Citywide. Massacres ... half devoured ... Leo! I don’t want him to come back! I couldn’t sleep with him under our roof. And, even if Don cures him, do you want him to live with knowing all he’s done? You mustn’t go, Leo. He’s unpredictable, wild. He’s a monster!”

Leo’s voice was stern like a whiplash. “Michelangelo, I forbid you from speaking about our brother like that. No matter what he is, he remains a member of our clan. Our rule is that no turtles should be left behind and we’ll continue respecting that law. We can’t give up so quickly. We owe it to Raphael to do everything in our power to deliver him from that condition. You know if it had been you, Raphael wouldn’t have abandoned you. Donnie has a plan and we’ll listen to him. You’ll remain hidden, so you don’t risk anything. Raph hasn’t shown any hostility towards me and I’m designated to approach him. Moreover, I believe my presence calms him down. After seeing me, he doesn’t kill…The hecatomb of yesterday must have happened, because he took my absence as an affront, because according to Donnie, we’ve formed an alliance. Like Donnie said, I’ll gain his confidence and we’ll be able to track his movements via a microchip that I'm going to attach to Raph's shell. Don will observe it and see if there are any weaknesses we can exploit to bait him. Then, when Donnie’s finished the changes to Raph’s room…”

“It’s finished,” Donnie said calmly. “I’m glad to see our Fearless Leader back among us. I left you conductive lines to get Raphael to give us as much behavioral data as possible. It’s nearly noon. I’m going to study a map of Raphael’s last appearances and try to establish a conductive link. Raph must be hiding somewhere during the day. We’ll surely meet him tonight. I also agree that Raph didn’t appreciate Leo’s absence. He wants something from us and we need to find out wat that is. I will then sleep. We’ll leave at eleven p.m.”

Mikey, his eyes brimming with tears, went and locked himself in his room. He’d spent a lot of time in there since Raphael’s disappearance, hugging the teddy bear Raphael had given him and flipping through family albums. Leo thought he had to apologize for speaking to him so brutally, but he wanted to give him some time to calm down and to also check out Donnie’s instructions on a sheet of paper.

_-Don’t talk. It may interfere with his desire to communicate. You can try to reproduce his sounds if he seems like he’s waiting for an answer._

_-Don’t unsheathe your katanas under any pretext, unless it’s imperative. If you feel unsafe, press the emergency key on your T-phone._

_-Wear the bracelet he gave you, even if it bothers you._

_-If he’s aggressive, quickly adopt a submissive position. Show him his mark on your neck._

_-Never touch him first. Let him approach._

_-Don’t fix him. Don’t show fear or aggressiveness._

_-I've heard Raphael laugh at April's new perfume and say that the only thing he could bear as a scent-like scent was your lemon soap that that I made. The new Raphael seems to rely a lot on his olfactory sense. I found the formula that I used to make you a new bar of soap. Maybe it will trigger a memory with it? It's worth a try. Put yourself under the wind, so that your smell carries._

“ _I’d like you, out of curiosity, to_ _keep your tail on display, so that Raphael sees it. I need to eliminate the second theory._

_Leo curled the paper and closed his eyes._

_Leo waited alone. In fact, Donnie was concealed on a high_ cornice and Mikey had disappeared somewhere, according to the plan. He’d never been so nervous before. He was once again less afraid of what Raph, as savage as he was, could do to him, than he was of his own body betraying him. A shadow suddenly passed by and whispered, “Leo?”

“Karai?”

He’d never thought he’d be sufficiently preoccupied to feel joy at seeing the kunoichi.

Karai hugged him hard and then, to his surprise, kissed him.  She broke the kiss and whispered, “Leo’s chasing me but something’s happening. I heard Tiger Claw speak. Shredder lost a girl, so Hamato Yoshi has to lose a son. And despite the fact that Stockman didn’t succeed the result’s still the same and…”

In the blink of an eye, Karai wasn’t in Leo’s arms anymore. He heard a cry of surprise and pain, as well as the distinctive snap of a dislocated shoulder. Leaning over him, his face dark in fury, Raphael was angrily snarling a few inches from Leo’s face. The young leader stoically stared at the animal in the eyes. The green irises certainly expressed discontent, but Leo saw the injury beyond. Seeing that his display of ire hadn’t intimated Leo, Leo quickly realized, panicked, that Raphael would turn away from him and would focus his attention on Karai. He’d always despised Karai and had been vocal about it. No longer under Leo’s orders and having a disproportionate thirst for blood, nothing prevented him from giving in to his desire to kill her. Karai had information. Karai was Karai and Leo had to protect her.

Leo whispered in Japanese to Karai, “Jibun jishin o hozon shimasu. Ani donī ga arimasu. Sore wa anata or hogo shi, iyashite kureru.”  (Save yourself, my brother, Donnie’s here to protect you.)

Then, with conviction, Leo grabbed Raphael’s wrist that still wore the blue band, down to his level and kissed him. He felt the other turtle freeze and then relax and return the kiss. Leo didn’t dare to open his mouth to give tongue to Raphael and gently released him before he could be tempted to deepen the kiss.

Raphael was staring at him, puzzlement in his eyes. Leo then tilted his neck to one side to indicate his mark and remembered Donnie’s instruction. He purred. Raphael quickly reacted and started nibbling at the bruise, seemingly forgetting about Karai and Leo’s absence the previous day.

Leo was propelled back at great speed into a state of comfortable unconsciousness. Raphael sometimes focussed on his lips instead of his throat. Then he pulled Leo to the ground. The leader let himself go and was complacent. Raphael kneed Leo’s thighs apart, while his hand caressed Leo’s plastron and he greedily kissed Leo. When his fingers settled on Leo’s tail, intense pleasure coursed through Leo and he opened his mouth and offered access to his tongue. Raphael eagerly experimented and groaned in satisfaction.

Leo’s erection must have been obvious even for Donnie where he was, but he didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was the turtle with him. Leo remembered what Donnie had said about the mission. He had to succeed with it before any sense in him vanished. He took the microchip from his pocket, stroked Raphael’s shell and attached the chip to it. The demonstration of affection pleased his brother, because he churred in his neck and rubbed his nose tenderly and not seductively.

But Leo, his mission now fulfilled, didn’t have tenderness on his mind anymore. Caught up in a whirlwind of new sensations, eager to have more, he couldn’t prevent his cock from dropping down and a new musky scent mingled with Raphael’s. Raphael cautiously gripped Leo’s cock and tried to move back and forth, but cautiously. That was enough to make Leo twitch in pleasure and, ignoring his moral code; he spread his thighs more, lifted his pelvis and frantically wiggled his tail, showing off his entrance and whimpering unashamedly.

Raphael breathed faster, but stopped moving and lightly touched Leo’s eyelids with a finger. Leo had stubbornly closed his eyes at the beginning of their interaction and Raphael now opened them. What Leo saw now made his stomach drop.

Leo couldn’t determine which view was the most traumatic. Raphael was on his knees between his spread legs, holding an enormous erect cock, which leaked precum, in his hands. Leo had glimpsed the real Raphael’s cock before in the communal showers. A cock that was similar to Leo’s. The leader had never been immature or curious to compare them. It wasn’t the same thing now and it would certainly rip him in two.

Leo decided that wasn’t the worst. It was Raphael’s green eyes that gazed at him and Leo saw the familiar light in them that was Raphael. The real Raphael. Raphael was in there somewhere. Don would cure him and he’d remember everything. Leo and Raphael’s relationship was already strained, but this would destroy it forever. Their family, Leo’s most precious asset, would shatter and break apart. And Leo couldn’t even claim that Raphael had used force against him, since he was clearly waiting for permission before he claimed Leo. Donnie was also filming it to document his research. The genius had earlier installed cameras at different angles in order to capture their interactions. The survival of the clan depended on him. Leo was no longer worthy of leading his brothers in battle if he couldn’t resist his own lust. Raphael must have sensed a change in Leo’s attitude, because he placed a hand on his plastron. Was it to immobilize him? Was he going to forcefully take him? Sheer panic overcame Leo. He wiggled away from Raphael, his eyes filling with tears, shaking his head, struggling and screaming.

It took Leo about three minutes to notice that his “aggressor” had released him and that he stood at a respectful distance, looking at him with uncertainty and distress. Leo, trembling, sat down again, arms around his body, refusing to look at the other turtle and wiping his tears.

A clamor was suddenly heard and Mikey jumped onto the roof, followed by Rahzar, FishFace and twenty Foot soldiers. It was the promised diversion, in case Leo's security was compromised. Raphael swiftly leaped in front of Leo, shielding him with his body, pulling out his sai and grumbling. No matter how much Leo’s rejection had hurt him, Raphael was still protecting him. Unfortunately, he also protected him from their younger brother, which proved that Donnie’s “alliance” theory was six feet under. Leo’s sub consciousness already knew that.

“That’s the monster that Master Shredder created to defeat the turtles. We have to take him back with us.”

Hearing these words, Leo was no longer despondent and desperate and was once the leader, protector, the big brother and the Fearless Leader. If Raphael was captured by Shredder, any glimmer of “humanity” in him would be forever extinguished. Leo, himself, could no longer restrain himself from totally switching to an animal world. He slipped out of Raphael’s outstretched arms and stood in front of him.

“Mikey,” Leo said. “They mustn’t get their hands on Raph. Protect him!”

“You’re kidding, bro! He’s twice my size. How can I hold him?”

“It wasn’t a suggestion!”

Without any hesitation, Leo threw himself into the fray, cutting right and left, consumed with the desire and urgent need to protect his clan. Any trace of weakness in him had disappeared. Leo’s focus was unshakeable in battle. Where’s Don, Leo thought, as he fought off two enemies? Was he commenting on his documentary? Was he taking notes? They’d need his bo to keep enemies away from Raphael. Leo briefly turned around to see Mikey acting as a bodyguard. Mikey was right by Raphael’s side.

“Leo, it’s useless. He’s stronger,” Mikey said and pointed to Raphael, who’d kicked FishFace off of the roof and who was now rushing at Rahzar, head first. “They’ll give up and will fall back, you know it. We must leave before they do, while Raphael’s attention is diverted.”

“But Mikey, we can’t give up. If it goes wrong and…”

“It’ll come out. That’s the plan. You put the chip on him. We’ll meet him at the right time. If you don’t leave, we don’t know how this will end. We have to join Don. He told me that you’d seen Karai and that he knows what’s going on. He specifically asked me to escort you to the lair. You can’t find a solution without him. Staying could worsen the situation. Come on. He’ll be fine.”

Leo was thinking fast. He couldn’t stand Raphael's hands on him yet, because he was too weak. He didn’t know what was happening in him and in Raphael, but Donnie would have the answers. If anyone could stop the train wreck, that was Leo’s spirit, it was Donnie. Donnie was the providence and he’d join Donnie to get away from temptation. It was ultimately for Raphael’s sake.

Leo took Mikey's hand and nodded.

On the way home, Leo forced his brain not to remember. In the same way, he tried silencing an instinct, which was revolted at moving away from Raphael. There was still a desire in him somewhere to submit to his instinct and to get caught. He shoved those thoughts away.

 

Out of breath, he and Mikey reached the lair before Donnie. They waited in silence, Mikey respecting Leo’s anxiety. Donnie arrived about forty minutes later and was smiling.

“I’m sorry for the delay,” Donnie said. “I wanted to ensure that Raphael would get out of it and I wanted to study his reactions after discovering your departure. And I had to bring back all the equipment. I also took time to think. Leo, you’re a genius! You aren’t the leader, because of favoritism. I didn’t know you were so good at acting, but bravo! You did well not to follow my recommendations to the letter. The result was far more interesting. Everything’s now clear. You’ll see. It’s fascinating!”

Leo shook his head. Visually reviewing the moments he’d given in and had groaned in pleasure with his brother’s caresses was out of the question. Leo knew he could never forget that. It was imprinted on his mind for life.

“No. Useless. Explain. Was he able to flee?”

“Yes. It happened after a beautiful demonstration of virility and power, which was surely to impress you, Leo. Raphael realized that you’d fainted again in nature. He was crazy in pain. He looked for you and I waited for him to leave in a different direction before I left.”

“Then,” Mikey said. “Do you know what he wants, Donnie? Do you know what to do?”

“Yes. First of all, what Karai told me was instructive in more ways than one. Apart from experimental growth hormones, Raphael hasn’t undergone any physical or chemical modifications. He was “re-educated”. What’s interesting and is good news is that a lobotomy for example, would have had irreversible effects. But, Baxter Stockman convinced Shredder that he knew a less dangerous way, which was just as effective and more fun. Raphael has, by some method, been “conditioned” to only use the reptilian part of his brain. I don’t know how the memory can be erased. In short, he suffered a long mental torture, but the damage may not be permanent. And, as several elements prove, Raphael has full possession of his limbic brain. He experiences “emotions”. Well, at least some. Let me explain again. Obviously, for some reason, Raphael reacts positively to Leo. There must be something familiar about Leo that makes him inextricably attracted to him. He didn’t have the desire to b aggressive to Leo from the start. The decapitation was “gift” for Leo. He gave him the head of an enemy. He perceived Leo's negative reaction and must have sniffed and smelled his fear. He left, undecided. Raphael understood that you didn’t immediately accept him as a partner, because you’d refused the present and he had to prove himself more. Then you appeared, took the lead and gave him a gift. That unsettled him. He knew they were weapons and the war like nature of the present may have convinced him that you accepted his “candidacy” as the dominant partner. He didn’t care for the bandana, because he didn’t understand the meaning of it. He sought a more "poetic" offering for Leo and had to find jewelry as an alternative. He didn’t give Leo any weapons, because according to his logic, I believe, Leo doesn’t need them, because Raphael will protect him. Animals love shiny things. Raphael must have thought the jewels pretty and he wanted to dress Leo. Leo accepted them. Raphael believed his courtship had been accepted and that Leo accepted him as a partner. He then took Leo's bandana to show that he was bonding to him. It wasn’t just a one-way relationship and he wanted to place Leo on the same level. He then marked Leo by biting him, indicating his desire for an immediate physical relationship or to remove the other candidates from Leo's shell. Leo then fled. Raphael must have told himself that he’d acted too quickly and that he’d "frightened" him. The next day, not seeing Leo, Raphael felt betrayed, cheated and took our his sorrow and frustration by on those people, creating a carnage, which if he can think that far ahead, would be a way of manipulating Leo to return to him. Karai came out of nowhere tonight and kissed Leo, our new Don Juan. Raphael, who’d watched from afar, intervened. He hadn’t immediately approached Leo, because he was thinking how to. And he wouldn’t have done so. The kiss was beyond Raphael’s patient, I think and even our Raphael would have acted similarly. The possessiveness is obvious, but many humans are too. It might have gone badly, but Leo brilliantly diverted Raphael’s attention and all of his response signals are indisputable. We now know what Raphael wants,” Don concluded, excited by his thesis.

Leo wasn’t going to fall into the trap of asking what, when the answer was glaringly obvious to anyone with more than two neurons. That wasn’t the case with Mikey, who asked, “What does he want?”

“Leo,” Donnie said. “But be careful and that's where everything becomes fascinating and proves that Raphael's thinking is less altered than Stockman had probably wanted. He doesn’t just want Leo’s body. He wants to win his affection. My theory’s based on several elements. One, Raphael reacted more than positively when Leo took him in his arms. He reacted like a real bonded lover and not just a sex buddy. When Leo wagged his tail, like I asked him to do, Raphael wanted Leo to open his eyes. The fact that he wanted to take Leo from the front was revealing. No longer having the use of language, he wanted to communicate with the eyes. These being the soul’s mirror, he wanted to ensure that Leo’s consent was sincere and to enter into deeper “connections.” A beast would have been content with Leo’s open thighs and not his eyes. When Raphael saw the uncertainty and then the fear in Leo’s eyes, Raphael wanted to reassure Leo, despite his excitement, and he caressed Leo’s plastron in slow circles. That’s a gesture of comfort and isn’t sexual. When Leo’s fear grew into a panic attack, Raphael retreated and adopted a humble pose. That’s what a dog does when he’s wet the carpet and his master’s mad. Raphael didn’t understand what he’d done wrong, but whatever it was, he regretted it. Then, you arrived, Mikey, and Raphael found an opportunity to redeem himself by attacking the bad guy. He wanted to demonstrate his strength and value. You should have seen him when you slipped out of his reach and went to fight, Leo.

“You’ve explained your theory and what is he now?” Leo snapped, on the verge of hysteria.

“Leo, we now know what to do to encourage Raphael to come here. Thanks to the chip, we know where he is. You’ll join him, as soon as he’s no longer moving. Do you remember the game, which you and Raph started that developed the obsession with the competition? Tagging the Ninja? You’ll play a game and must arrange for him to pursue you. You’ll take breaks when you make him glance at you and waggle your tail at him or whatever. The important thing is that he follows you.  You’re our bait. Once we’re back home, I’ll do the rest. When he’s safe here, I can start a process of rehabilitation of his neocortex. The room’s ready and everything will be fine if you follow the few necessary safety rules. I drew up a protocol and it’s posted near the door.”

Leo was silent. Luring Raphael that way didn’t please him at all.

“Here!” Donnie exclaimed, looking at his T-phone. "He’s been at the same place for nearly fifteen minutes.  It’s perfect, Leo. I’m ready when you are".

“Where is he?” Mikey asked.

“In the sewers, like us, about an hour and a half’s walk away. We’ll need to make a montage of what I filmed and then to re-study it. I must also check the room one last time. I’ll also ask April to provide me with photos and to…”

The rest of Donnie’s words were lost, as he became absorbed in his projects and theories, heading to the lab with his materials and leaving an pensive Mikey and a upset Leo.


	3. The bait

“You won’t do that, Leo. You can’t!”

“Mikey, I have no pleasure in being molested by my brother,” Leo lied, trying to convince himself. “But if it can bring him back...”

“I’m not talking about that. You’ll break his heart. You heard Don. Raph’s in love.”

“Mikey, it’s just a temporary state. Raph’s not himself anymore and when he returns, it’ll be like before, okay? We’ll argue and he’ll challenge me by doing the opposite of what I tell him. He’s not really in love. That’s just what he believes right now and it’s a consequence of the tortures he’s suffered. He’s endured so much and his mind’s troubled.”

“No. You’re wrong. Raph’s been in love with you way before that.”

“Mikey it’s been disturbing enough listening to Donnie’s theories. I don’t need yours as well,” Leo said sternly.

“But it’s not just a theory and I can prove it.”

Leo, exasperated, threw up his hands and said, “No matter what you want to say, Mikey, I don’t want to hear it. The turn of events is enough to handle for now and I don’t have patience to listen to you. I need a bath to wash and to relax. You have permission to drug my tea. I want to sleep and I must have a clear head tomorrow, because I have to see Raph in the early morning. So don’t talk any more. I want silence and space.”

“One last thing, Leo. If you promise Raph something, you have to give it to him, okay? Because our Raph was a huge personality and always totally gave himself in whatever he did. He’d have cut off his hand, rather than giving false hope to any of us. And you were right. I regret calling him a monster. He suffers, he’s alone and he’s confused. The only thing he wants near him and which brings him comfort, constantly escapes him. The new Raph no longer sees the point of pretending and of concealing what he really feels. Nothing holds him back. There are no more fraternal bonds, no more Sensei and no more social conventions. If Baxter Stockman couldn’t erase you from Raph’s memory, it’s because you were too imprinted on his heart. The memories of the heart can’t disappear. Donnie’s a specialist on fact and not feelings. Don’t listen to him.”

“That’s it. You’ve been watching too many soap operas with Sensei. Good night.”

Leo took a long bath with essential oils to help him relax. Their fragrance would annihilate the lingering musk scent. He closed his eyes and sighed in exasperation. As soon as his eyes settled on his body, he saw Raphael’s hands caressing him. The bite was painful and his neck was stiff. It was difficult in this state to completely forget what had happened. Leo suddenly made a resolution. He had to immediately go. He wouldn’t be at peace until it was done. He was a turtle of actions. If Donnie was ready, he had no reason to report later. Once Raphael was safely in his room, Donnie would begin treatment and he’d control the situation. Moreover, here with his other brothers, he’d no longer have to be alone with Raphael and all the forbidden emotions and sensations would no longer have a place. Leo could return to his old life of training, meditating and sleeping without any perverse thoughts about his ill brother. The sooner he acted, the sooner the nightmare would be over. He stood up and didn’t even bother to dress in his gear. He opened the lab door so suddenly that he startled Donnie, who was frantically taking notes.

“Donnie,” Leo said. “Where is he? I’ll go now.”

The genius looked up and said, “That’s a plan. Bring a flashlight. He’s in an abandoned private metro tunnel and it’ll be pitch dark. Text me when you’re about ten minutes from here.”

Wordlessly, Leo studied the plan, memorizing it, and took the flashlight.

Leo waited for a long time, enjoying the tranquility of the sound of his own footsteps. He approached faster than he’d have liked. It was as dark as an oven and total silence. He thought for a moment that Donnie was wrong and Raph had discovered the microchip and had gotten rid of it. But an oppressive feeling overcame him. Something close was watching him. Two arms suddenly wrapped around his waist from behind and breath ticked his neck. Then he heard Raphael’s distinctive purr. They remained embracing for several minutes. Raphael didn’t bite or touch him anywhere else. Then he broke the hug and took Leo's hand in his. He lay on the ground and with a slight jerk, he indicated to Leo that he wished him to join him. Leo lay on the floor beside him on blankets his brother must have stolen. Raphael wrapped his arms around the smaller turtle into a protective cocoon and hugged him. Leo allowed him and lay still. Several minutes passed and the steady breath behind him indicated that Raphael had fallen asleep. Gently trying to disengage himself, Leo texted Donnie.

“ _He’s sleeping. I’m staying here. I’ll bring him when he wakes up.”_

After a moment he got the answer. “ _Well, be careful. Give him nothing, otherwise he won’t follow.”_

Raphael clung more to Leo in his sleep and mumbled something indistinct, his face buried in the crook of Leo’s neck. Had he spoken? The leader wasn’t sure.

Leo quickly fell asleep and to his astonishment, had the most restful sleep he’d had in over a month. As he moved, he noticed that Raphael was awake and was smiling at him. Leo naturally opened his mouth to speak, but Raphael shook his head and gently placed a finger on Leo’s lips. Then Raphael pointed to his forehead and grimaced. Leo understood. Donnie had been right from the beginning about oral language tiring Raphael, which was probably due to his conditioning. Maybe Raphael was sent an electric shock every time he tried to talk. Leo felt terribly sorry for his brother. He planted a chaste kiss on Raphael’s forehead and smiled apologetically. Raphael appeared to like it, because he made the same gesture and pressed his plastron against Leo’s, while tenderly caressing his face and sighing. Leo interpreted the sigh, despite his lack of knowledge, as "I’d like to tell you things, but I can’t. I’d like to do things to you, but you don’t want to.”

Leo switched on his flashlight, because although it wasn’t so dark anymore, the darkness weighed on him. He regretted turning it on when he saw a dead rat.

Raphael smiled at him and made a small gesture as if saying. ‘Eat it. No need to thank me.” Leo shook his head. He wanted to be careful not to hurt Raphael more emotionally, but there were limits. Raphael looked alarmed at his refusal to eat. He looked around, no doubt looking for what to feed Leo, who was now his responsibility. Leo judged that the moment had come. He got up and consulted his T-phone to check the time, seeing that it was almost eleven o'clock. He’d starve, so they had to get going before that happened.

Raphael had watched Leo prepare to leave in dismay and his disappointment increased when Leo turned around and held out his hand. Leo beamed at Raphael and motioned for him to follow him. Raphael hesitated. The reason was clear, even for Leo. Although Raphael seemed to be in love with Leo, the blue clad turtle had sent him too many mixed signals for him to be blindly trust.

Leo insisted, however, he couldn’t bring himself to tease Raphael. It would have been too dishonorable, and although he didn’t believe that it would break Raphael's heart, like Mikey believed, the old Raphael would have been irate at being played and his alter ego clearly felt the same way.

Raphael finally decided to follow him, without Leo having to resort to deceptive or forceful ways. They’d walked in silence for more than an hour, when, as agreed, Leo stopped to text Don. He’d sent it and was about to walk again, when Raphael grabbed his wrist. Leo couldn’t change his mind so close to the goal.

Raphael raised his hand and gently moved Leo’s head to bring his face closer to his. He wanted a kiss for showing the passivity of a lamb, which wasn’t in his nature, and going on this long walk.

The hell with his conscience:  Leo would give him one. It was their last kiss and it would close a chapter of their life that they’d never reopen. It wouldn’t be possible to kiss Raphael in a few minutes and in a few weeks; Raphael would probably want to cut off his lips if he thought about it. But it was the only thing Leo could do to make Raphael feel better at the moment.

They were alone without any cameras. Nobody would ever know, because it was impossible for Raphael to brag about it one day and anyway, the damage between them was done. Leo put all of his heart and soul into the kiss, as if his life depended on it. He hoped that the kiss expressed what he really felt: compassion, regret, hope and deep love. If you’d asked Leo what he thought about Raphael three months earlier, he’d have said that he was as comfortable as a pebble in a boot. But he saw now how much his brother missed him and how he’d lost opportunities to express his affection and to know him more. Did the real Raphael have such an expressive face to signify his love? Would his brother have hugged him so tenderly and shared his bed? Would his lips have been as sweet? So many questions and Leo would never know the answers. He broke the kiss and sighed. Raphael tried to decode Leo’s sudden sadness and he looked like the real Raphael had done when he didn’t understand Leo.

Leo suddenly had a flashback.

FLASHBACK:

_“Leo! Come play with me! I found a great game in the dump!”_

_“I can’t, Raphie. Sensei wants me to practice meditating. And you know you mustn’t go out!”_

_“But, Leo. Meditating’s boring. Why don’t you want to play with me anymore?”_

_“It's not about what I want or that it’s not important. I have to do what’s expected of me!”_

END OF THE FLASHBACK

The 7-year-old Raphael had had the same expression on his face: the pain of helplessness and the need to assert his point, despite everything. Except that this Raphael couldn’t speak or understand, which complicated his task of consoling him, like he’d have liked to have done. Raphael tenderly caressed Leo, his fingers tracing circles on Leo’s cheeks. Don had said that was a gesture of comfort. Leo turned his heard and thought, it wasn’t him, who needed comfort, but Raphael, who didn’t ask for much.

Without enthusiasm, Leo pulled Raphael, who suddenly didn’t want to move and who as heavy as rock. Leo was emotionally exhausted and shattered. Raphael’s love suddenly seemed the most precious thing in the world. He never thought he’d experience such a strong feeling and such a powerful connection to another being. Raphael’s sweet gestures and his undisguised passion were intoxicating. Leo had to admit that he was totally dependent on him in a few days. To be loved and loved in return was the most exquisite of sensations. A joy he never thought he’d know; Karai being just an illusion. He’d experienced an unknown fullness when he was wrapped in Raphael’s protective and loving arms and, as soon as he passed that door, he’d be forever deprived of it. Even a cured Raphael would hate him tenfold more than before. He wouldn’t have the spark in his that made Leo feel unique and special. But Leo would never forget the few days of paradise until his dying breath. The regret of his lost happiness, the remorse of having taken it at Raphael’s detriment, would haunt him all of his life. Never had duty weighed so heavily on Leo. Feeling both rage and despair, he quickly turned to Raphael and said, “What are you doing? Follow me,” Leo said crossly.

Raphael's face was a mosaic of emotions. He obviously didn’t understand Leo’s attitude. Why did he speak so harshly to him when he knew that each articulate sound created the most unbearable pain in his skull? The beautiful blue clad turtle had been soft and cooing a few hours earlier. What had he done to cause the change in his behavior? Raphael had perceived the leader’s disgust before he’d gone to sleep, but then he’d taken him in his arms and had fallen into a deep slumber. He hadn’t offered him what he wanted to eat, but then he showed good will and followed him. Moreover, he’d barely touched him, despite the devouring desire he had. Was the turtle offended that he hadn’t shown desire? His behavior was confusing and he didn’t know what to do to please him.

The blue clad turtle was unpredictable, capricious and fierce, but Raphael adored him, as mysterious as he was. Maybe the blue eyed turtle wanted a master? An alpha male, who’d make all the decisions, because he obviously didn’t know what to do and this uncertainty made him suffer. He was going to change that.

The blue eyed turtle with a jade complexion seemed to appreciate the light that Raphael hated. He’d looked to fear the darkness, until he reassured him by holding him against himself. Raphael would find a sunnier nest and would choose softer blankets. He’d find good food that would please the blue eyed turtle. If he had lived so far it was because he liked to eat something! The turtle looked tired and fragile, though he’d seen him fight with unthinkable determination and temerity for such a slender and small frame. Raphael had seen that he’d led the other two turtles, but according to what he’d seen, he wasn’t made for that. First of all, he didn’t like the blood, which he found paradoxical for a turtle carrying such formidable swords. He looked at him. Anxiety was written upon his face and Raphael hated his helpless and inability to soothe him. He made a decision. The pretty turtle didn’t know what was good for him.

Raphael was going to drive him away from here first, because he’d noticed that at every step he’d darkened. He would prepare a new nest for them and would take care of his mate, making all of the decisions and ensuring their survival. The blue eyed turtle would be able to rest and when he was finally happy, he’d completely offer himself to Raphael.

The idea made Raphael smile and he took Leonardo by the hand, pulling him in the opposite direction. He wanted to express his desire to move them away from a place that seemed to fill the blue eyed turtle with sadness.

Leonardo fiercely broke free. He didn’t want to fight to accomplish his own punishment. He had no strength anymore and he wanted to go home. Don would find another solution. Leo didn’t want to interfere anymore. Every time that Raphael lovingly watched or tenderly touched him reminded him that it was maybe for the last time. Nausea overcame him and turning his back on Raphael, he strode alone in the direction of the entrance of the lair.

Raphael was confused for a moment. Had the blue eyed turtle broken up with him? But he’d done absolutely nothing to deserve that! He’d respected, protected, adorned and loved him. What more did he want? He tried to call his mate, but he didn’t turn around and ran instead. Two familiar emotions that he usually didn’t feel about the jade turtle suddenly overwhelmed him: anger and annoyance.

Where was he running and why? He had no reason to be afraid. The turtle had accepted his advances. Then he’d renounced that promise, leaving him there, after walking all that way. But he refused to accept the break-up!

Raphael started running. He was taller than the blue eyed turtle and faster. He was going to chase him, catch him, throw him over his shoulders and carry him to a quiet place that was neither too dark nor too light, so that he wouldn’t be frightened. He would pick him up and mark him, no matter how foolish he was.

He’d respected the shy turtle’s wishes until then and the results hadn’t been very convincing. When he penetrated him and brought him pleasure, the turtle with starry eyes would no longer change his mind and would be his. He would remain with him, forever fulfilled and appeased.

The presence of the turtle, despite his erratic behavior, was necessary. The fear of losing him for days made him nervous and irascible. This turtle was for him. He remembered when he’d been with the other monsters that he’d dreamed about him all of the time, calling him and hoping for him. When he’d first seen the turtle, the first time he’d gone out with the others, he’d recognized him. He’d been suspicious at first and then had felt a benevolent aura, the same as in his dreams, when he’d been tied up with the wicked monsters.

His head hurt every time his memories returned to him. Where was the elusive little turtle? He made him crazy by with his indecisions! He passed a heavy metal door, which the panicked turtle must have left open in his bewilderment. He was on the right track and, as soon he had ensured that his mate was safe, he’d play with his adorable little tail. The turtle immediately became complacent and permissive when he played with his tail. He’d make him purr in pleasure.

He looked around and saw that he was in a room, which appeared dangerous, and was cluttered with objects like in the other place. He’d have run away, but he was fearful for his mate.

He suddenly saw him, his lovely face streaked with tears. He made a gesture to join him, but something planted in his neck distracted him. He came face to face with the turtle with the purple bandana. He had an instrument in his hand that hurt, which he remembered. He struggled. Not for himself, but for the turtle he loved. He had to get him out of there.

But as his eyelids grew heavier, he saw his beloved turtle leave the room and disappear, seemingly free from his movements. He felt then a more scathing pain than any already known: that of treason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Chrismas!


	4. The bathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture by MomoRawrr

 

When Raphael awoke, he was chained to a wall and saw three turtles in front of him.

The purple one smiled at him, but he hated that smile: it was the same as the wicked monster fly, who’d wanted to play games and experiment with him.

The orange-clad turtle one looked at the blue-clad turtle, but he felt no jealousy for three reasons: firstly, he didn’t want the treacherous turtle anymore. The blue-clad turtle stubbornly studied the ground. And finally, the orange-clad turtle had the same look on his face that he must have, namely reproach, but to a lesser degree. Raphael nervously licked his lips. He was going to be tortured again, but he wouldn’t dishonor himself by screaming.

“Donnie,” Leo said. “You didn’t say you’d chain him.”

“I’m certain I mentioned the chains to you. Anyway, we have no choice. If we don’t, he’ll kill us and flee with the first chance he gets.”

“We could have waited!” Mikey interjected. “Waited until he trusted us more to come on his own.”

“Shut up!” Donnie said. “He came on his own. Okay. Let me talk to him.”

Donnie cautiously approached Raphael and introduced himself and his brothers by pointing at them. “Donatello. Michelangelo. Leonardo.”

At the mention of Leo’s name, Raphael turned away in disgust, to the leader’s great sorrow.

Donnie stepped closer, holding a large photo in his hands showing the four Hamato brothers side by side and smiling. Raphael studied the photo suspiciously, his eyes narrowed. A turtle with a red bandanna had his arm over the shoulder of the blue clad turtle and was smirking. So, all this time, the blue had turtle had been bonded to someone else. Rage overcame Raphael. The blue eyes full of delicious promises were only full of lies. He screamed his rage, disappointment and his grief and tried to break free.

Don sighed and stepped back, motioning for his brothers to go out.

Once the door had closed, Don pressed a blue button near the door. A noise was heard in the other room and Don held his head in his hands. “It’s going to be harder than I thought,” he said.

“What did you expect, Don?” Leo snapped “That he’d ask about the weather or your health? That he’d thank you for the changes to his comfort and dreamed of being chained up?”

“It’s pointless being sassy about it. Listen to me now. I need you to be disciplined about this. I can’t do it without your help. I gave each of us a speaking task, according to our skills, to aid in Raphael’s rehabilitation. We’ll take our watch at specific times. He needs stability. His anxiety will lessen with a routine and he’ll be more predisposed to learn. But before I tell you, here are the security measures.”

Donatello showed the control board on the wall outside of Raphael’s room.

“You must press the red button and this timer before entering Raph’s room. It’ll trigger the release of soporific gases in his chamber. When the countdown timer hits 0, you can enter. He’ll be asleep. You must drag him to the wall and attach the shackles to his wrists. You start your task when he wakes up, even if he’s recalcitrant. If his violence gets out of control, you have to leave. In the long run, he’ll seek our company and stop being so angry, so that he won’t be bored. The real Raph’s always struggled to stay locked up. His wild counterpart seems to feel the same way. When you leave, press the blue button and Raph will be released from his chains. But if he’s really, really bad, you can wait a few minutes before releasing him.

“Don, we’re not going to condition him in a negative way,” Leo said indignantly. “He’s suffered a lot.”

“I agree,” Mikey said. “We have to do it in a positive way.”

“I understand,” Don said. “I dislike it too. But, yes. I’ve created a reward system, but we’ll have to wait a few days for that. If you stop interrupting me, I can explain your roles. Mikey, you’re in charge of making Raphael happy and of refreshing his memories. You’ll teach Raph what brought him happiness before his transformation. You’ll make him what he likes to eat and you’ll show him how to use cutlery so that he eats like we do and not like a beast. You’ll play games with him and will show him your comics, movies, video games, photo albums, etc. When it's more predictable, you'll be able to draw with him. You are in charge of his “recreation”. If that didn’t happen, he couldn’t be available for what I need to do. You have three periods with him at meal times. Being the cook and the person, who shared the most activities with Raphael, you’re the best for this.” Mikey nodded and Don continued, “I’ll take care of language and wake up his neocortex with logic games. My hours will be from 8:00 a.m. until 11:00 a.m. and then again from 1:30 pm until 3:00 p.m. I can’t spend more time with him, because I also have to record his progress, schedule my lessons and analyze the data in your reports. Leo, you’ll have the least contact with Raph, because your relationship is strained. You’ll clean him and you’re the only one he’ll allow to wash him. You must also keep his room clean. You’ll also teach him to shower and to use the toilet. Once that’s done, you won’t have to worry about him anymore. I know this has been painful for you, Leo, and I want to spare you. You’ll be with Raph from 6:45 to 7:30 a.m. You must always insist on the shower by demonstrating and you must also show the use of the toilet each time. Then you’ll have three more shifts with him. Your last shift is at  p.m. and curfew’s at 9 p.m.” Donnie showed them the hours written on his schedule. We’ll start now in a lighter way. Mikey will go in with food and will stay with him for an hour. Then he’ll be alone until six when Mikey will return to feed him and to try and distract him. You’ll go in at eight, Leo. The real rehabilitation will begin tomorrow. Here’s a notebook in which you can record any improvements you notice. Don’t forget the security measures. Always have your T-phone on you, so that you can press the emergency button and have a time reminder.”

Mikey courageously entered the pit and animalistic growls were soon heard. He came out disappointed an hour later and said in an upset tone, “He didn’t want to eat or drink. He refused to let me show him anything.”

Don laid a comforting hand on the helpless turtle's shoulder and said, “Perhaps he’ll eat if you leave him alone. If not, you can go back later and try again. He’ll be hungry and thirsty.”

Leo impatiently waited for Mikey’s return, as he held a bucket and a sponge in order to wash Raphael. He couldn’t resist at 8:00 p.m. and he opened the door, worried. Crying, Mikey babbled about how delicious the pizza and chocolate cake were, but Raphael gazed at him murderously and made no attempt to eat.

Mikey looked up at Leo and said, “He refuses everything, Leo. I can’t even approach him. He growls and look at the way he looks at me!”

“Go rest, Mikey. You’ve done well and I’m proud of you. I’ll take over. This isn’t the first time that I’ve dealt with a recalcitrant Raph and I can handle it.”

“I don’t know, Leo. I believe that Raph’s mad at you too.”

“I’ve spent my entire life with a mad Raph. Let me handle it.” The youngest was leaving the room, when Leo said, “When the door has been closed for three minutes, press the blue button, Mikey.”

“But Donnie’s orders are…”

"Michelangelo, I’m the one giving orders and am the leader and master, while Master Splinter’s away.”

Mikey nodded and obeyed.

When they were alone, Leo stared into Raphael’s green eyes. Raphael grew outraged and he closed his eyes to demonstrate that he refused to communicate. Leo approached with his bucket and sponge, and seeing Raphael stiffening and his closed eyes, he pressed a light kiss to his brother’s forehead. Raphael opened his eyes and moved his head away, showing that he didn’t appreciate the contact.

Leo placed his hand on Raphael’s plastron and made the same gesture of comfort that Raphael had done for him. The tension in Raphael’s muscles eased a bit. Leo pointed at his bracelet and Raphael’s bandanna and then at himself to say, “We’re together. Nothing’s changed.”

Leo then lifted a finger to express, “But, there’s a condition.”

Then he showed the sponge and bucket.

Leo carefully dipped the sponge into the soapy water, while his inquisitive and nervous brother watched him. Then he began to gently wash Raphael’s plastron. A click was heard and Raphael dropped his arms to his sides. Leo paid no attention to Raphael trusting him and continued washing Raphael’s filthy body. He then realized that he had to wash him **_there_** too. How could Raphael be persuaded to drop down without it leading to a misinterpretation? Using gestures, Leo tried to make him understand. Raphael surprisingly wasn’t difficult and Leo gently held the gigantic cock and tried to ignore it hardening.

Less than 40 seconds later, Leo released the erect cock and stepped back, having completed his mission. He had time left, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to use it. He remembered that he also had to explain how sanitary applications worked. He got up and went to the corner of the room.

It was a tiny room that served as a storage room for weapons that had always juxtaposed Raphael's room. Donatello had moved the weapons and made a communication door between the two rooms and installed running water. There was a toilet, a shower, a sink and a mirror that was covered with a plastic protective coating. Similarly, there were towels, three scarlet bandanas, soap, two plastic glasses and Raphael's toothbrush. Leo then stopped in front of the mirror, as a thought hit him. Did Raphael know what he looked like? Perhaps he hadn’t recognized himself in the photo? Leo motioned for Raphael to come and see.

Raphael suspiciously approached him and Leo raised his arms to tie the red bandanna and then showed him the result in the mirror. Shocked, Raphael realized with amazement that the turtle he’d been jealous of in the image was him in some way. So he was bonded to the turtle and had been for a long time? And that was why he’d immediately seemed familiar to him? The turtle might have brought him here because it was his nest before the monsters had kidnapped him and snatched him from his beloved mate. Why then did the blue-clad turtle let him mope alone in this cell? Why did he refuse to mate? Who were the other two? Orange seemed harmless and obeyed the blue, but the violet inspired a lot of suspicions. He hadn’t seen him for hours, but he felt a threat emanate from him.

The turtle then moved away and turned a handle on the wall, while holding his arm. A jet of hot water sprayed them and he smiled at him. He began to rub himself too, as he’d done for him. Perhaps the turtle wanted both of them to feel beautiful and sweet smelling before mating.

He didn’t mind, feeling better since his wash. It was a love ritual he might have practiced before and he'd forgotten it, like so many other things, Raphael smiled. He finally understood. The turtle had admitted to still being his and from what he understood, he had been for a long time. He’d laid down his conditions and Raphael had respected them all.

The blue-clad turtle was smiling at him and stretching his neck with the bite mark under the spray and sighing in contentment. He must be inviting him to come closer. It had to go subtly, but confidently. If he was nervous, the other very sensitive turtle could pull away. And Raphael couldn’t wait anymore. Raphael’s eyes remained fixed on the pretty tail, which uncurled, as if begging to be touched and then Leo tilted his neck, showing Raphael’s very visible teeth marks, reminding Raphael that the turtle was his and that he had to reaffirm it so that he wouldn’t forget it either.  The blue-clad turtle had to immediately reach his weak point in order for a quick and overdue surrender to occur.

Leo had reflected on his new way of interacting with Raphael. He had to understand that Leo still respected their "alliance" and the special bond that united them, but he wanted to give it the meaning Don had initially given. A peaceful alliance. Leo would be affectionate and tender, but he’d now act like a real big brother, with no intimate or inappropriate behavior between them. Raphael would hopefully forget in due course that Leo had already been receptive to his advances. The goal was to minimize the damage when Raphael became himself again.

Nobody had actually planned to grant Raphael affection without demanding anything in return in his overloaded schedule. Leo blamed himself for never really saying anything affectionate to his brother in over five years. Maybe it was an opportunity to rebuild their relationship. Pure brotherly love might also erase recent lustful delusions. In any case, it was also out of the question for his brothers to see the distressing spectacle of their swooning leader in the arms of their unconscious brother.

Raphael hadn’t attempted anything beyond Leo's inflexible new moral code. Perhaps with prudence, patience, and rigor, Leo could get them out of the mess without too much damage.

Engrossed his thoughts and feeling calm, because he knew he’d made the right decision, Leo felt his soul shatter when an arm encircled his waist from behind, pressing him against a muscular plastron and possessive and greedy lips nibbled his bite mark. A daring hand reached for his tail, one finger clearly indicating where Raphael intended to continue his explorations. All actions had been coordinated to ensure a firm grip on the so flammable senses of Leonardo.

Leo reacted in two movements. He first turned the shower cold. Then, using an arm wrench, he escaped Raphael’s clutches by throwing him on the ground, enormous as he was. Then he fled and locked the door behind him. Breathless, as if he’d traveled a distance much greater than twenty feet, Leo ignored the cries of mad rage and wrote on the notepad near the door.

_Washed. No other changes._


	5. The herbal Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I published a lot today, but maybe I should have waited for the beta. Despite my corrector, I still make too much mistake. So, it would be the last unchecked.

"I request to be exempted from Raphael's care."

 

Donnie rolled his chair to face a Leonardo out of it.

 

"Leo, it's difficult for us all to see him in this state, but you must understand that it is, like everything else, teamwork. And you are the leader of this team, do you? Are you going to let down Mikey and me when we need you the most? And Raph? When he would come back to him, how will you explain to him that you have abandoned him?

 

Leo didn't answer, too shocked to speak.

 

"Has he been aggressive?"

 

"No!"

 

"So?"

 

"He did it again. He touched me. Not like a brother does."

 

"I understand. I wouldn't like to be molested by Mikey either. Or Raph. Or even by you. But Raph doesn't know what he does is wrong. In his modified thinking, it's fair. You accepted his bracelet. He claims his due. Raphael by entering here wasn't going to forget it by magic! You should have expected it."

 

"But Donnie ... what am I supposed to do right now? Yielding? Or give him his present and cancel everything?"

 

"I have thoroughly thought about this problem. If you return the bracelet, we will lose our only reason for keeping Raph in respect. I even thought of you "getting engaged" to Mikey or me to discourage him, but he is jealous enough like that. So, the only option is to put up a firm resistance but remain "attainable." Raphael is like an animal or a child if you prefer. To discipline him, you can't give in to all his whims, because he will always ask for more. Be affectionate towards Raphael, but accept no familiarity from him. He will understand that you can, but he doesn't. You can caress his shell or head slightly and smile kindly at him, when he needs it or deserves it. Raphael would understand that you aren't interested in going beyond friendships. He is perseverant; he will respect your choice if you express it unequivocally while hoping that you change your mind if he shows enough submission. But if you flinch and avoid, the short and long-term consequences are all negative. Without your help, his rehabilitation may be more extended, and Mikey and I would be exhausted. The present Raphael would lose all good feeling for you. And I admit that the perception of Mikey, me and Master Splinter may change so unfavorably. What about a leader who can not face sexual advances? April repels it daily. Do you have less temerity than a 16-year-old girl? Thousands of people in the nightclub of this city support wandering hands and libidinous remarks every night and yet don't hesitate to go back there.

 

Leo was too stunned to answer immediately. The cries of fury and the violent blows to the steel door filled the silence that dragged on between the two brothers.

 

"Donnie ... he is ... very angry. It will be tomorrow morning too. I have to be the first to come in, depending on the schedule ... I don't think to see me while he his waking up would do him some is good. Can I at least pass a turn while it calms down?"

 

"Leo. His frustration is justified, you are like a strawberries shortcake put in front of his nose since he withdraws as soon as he reaches out. Moreover, he doesn't see any "reasons" for your attitude. Raphael has always had a high opinion of his physique and his abilities. He doesn't understand your rejection being an enviable partner, according to him. In nature, one may refuse a partner who is considered too weak or unworthy. For him, he is the best choice you have. We are only four of our kind, including me who is so slender and Mikey. Raphael doesn't know that you are his brother and anyway, incest is a negligible concept  to him. It's the same for homosexuality. The only specimens of our race being male, he adapts to it for survival. Being closer to his instinct than us, he doesn't deny himself his needs to love, to mate and to have a life partner. Did you know Leo that we do not all have the same percentage of humanity in our DNA? Our mutation has been uneven.  In fact, our genetic codes are so different that I don't believe we're even related. It's fascinating!

 

"Donnie, all that doesn't concern a way to solve the immediate situation doesn't interest me. Your final advice is?"

 

"Act as if nothing had happened. If Raphael doesn't get any particular reaction, he will tire more quickly. You must be consistent in your refusal of an intimate relationship, but without violent rejection."

 

Leo came out; his face gnawed with torment and anxiety. His bedroom was close to Raphael's. It was impossible for him to sleep, no matter how many pills he could get, with the racket that Raphael was doing. To know that he was the cause of this surge of rage wasn't to reassure him either.

 

He prepared his "emergency" herbal tea: a horrible mixture of Chinese medicinal herbs which, according to Master Splinter, had the virtue of giving a complete serenity and a clear spirit to those who drank it. Having always professed the total respect for the recommendations of their Sensei, Leo had tried it, in spite of the bitter taste. As a result, Leo had entered a second state during which his brothers had laughed at him a lot. He hated the feeling of not being entirely in control of his faculties and the exacerbation of the senses that it had given him. How could he protect their clan in this state? He had politely explained to their master, several hours later, that he still didn't believe he had the spiritual strength to take full advantage of the therapeutic effect of the tea.

 

But today, the situation required that Leo "forget".

 

"You're giving a second try to Splinter's LSD?"

 

"Mikey, it's not LSD."

 

" I heard what D told you and it's a lot of nonsense," Mikey affirmed.

 

"It's your opinion. And what's more, a point of view that I didn't ask you."

 

Mikey didn't let himself be impressed by his brother's cold voice tone:

 

"Why aren't you giving Raphie what he wants? I mean, you don't have to give him the full service, if you don't want to. I think that Raphie would be content with the "lite" version if you put love in it. It's also your only chance to shoot or something very close! "

 

"Do you hear yourself, Mike? It's disgusting! For God's sake, it's my brother!"

 

"Donnie said we weren't brothers."

 

" Whatever"  Leonardo pursued exasperated pouring boiling water, "for me, you are my brothers and if Raph was "there", he would agree with me! Do you think that when he comes back to himself, he will appreciate knowing that he did "that" with me, regardless of the exact nature of it?"

 

"I think he will be relieved, me, that it is done so naturally. The real Raphie would never have dared to take the lead and..."

 

"Michelangelo! Don't you think I have enough worries like that?"

 

"I try to settle them with you!" Mikey got mad too, "you overthink. You must listen to your body, and your heart, not your head!"

 

"This it is, Mikey. Tomorrow, I ask Donnie to cancel all non-instructive TV channels!"

 

Mikey went flushed with indignation:

 

"Not cool! Anyway, you'll see who's right in the end. And if I'm right, I want to be free from chores for six months when all this is over!"

 

Leo made an indifferent gesture with his hand reluctantly taking a second sip.

 

"Whatever you want, Mikey."

 

Mikey held him by the arm and launched at full speed, fearing an indignant interruption of Leo and wanting to spill at all costs:

 

"I'm just saying that Donnie explained to me what his" reward "plan was for conditioning Raph, to learn. He found motorcycle pieces. A real one, like Raph always wanted. He and Donnie will assemble pieces every time he makes progress. The greater the progress, the bigger it will be. Me, naturally it's about food. Raphie loves the chocolate cupcake. I will give him some to congratulate him. That's the small reward; I have something else in the bank ... You just have to find the "sweet" you could offer to Raphie to encourage him to improve. An excellent source of motivation, based on what he really wants, could make him make spectacular leaps in his healing process. Because we agree that between a ride on a bike or between your thighs, I think his choice is clear while attractive being the second option. If you want my opinion, what he would like to start is ..."

 

Suddenly, a new sound was heard, interrupting them, something so heartbreaking that out of instinct, Mikey and Leo took each other's hands.

 

"What is it?" Leo whispered worriedly.

 

Mikey raised his big sad eyes to his big brother:

 

"It's Raph crying."

 

"Mikey, Raph never cries. I have only seen him sad two or three times in his entire life. He has reason to be angry, maybe, but not to cry. I didn't do anything so dramatic to validate it! "

 

" See by yourself, if you don't believe me!"

 

"It is out of the question that I enter this room before tomorrow morning, 6:45 and this because it is my duty."

 

"It is not your duty to comfort your little brothers when they are in pain?" Mikey asked, upset.

 

"Raphael has no grief; it's frustration. We don't even understand his language, and maybe it's just a way to manipulate us to open the door." Leo tries to reason.

 

"Raphie isn't one a schemer, you know it!"

 

"It is not "Raphie" either, who is there right now! Listen, Mikey, if you want to see him, go ahead, have fun! You would have then had to deal with Don when you find yourself unconscious on the floor and "Raphie" gone. I'm going to finish my hallucinogenic tea and go to bed."

 

"I know you want him, too. That's why you're so upset." Mikey replied sharply.

 

"This conversation is over, Michelangelo."

 

Leo took his cup and left the kitchen, stoically passing the door from which the sobs came, to return to his room. He finished his tea and tried meditation before sleeping. Unable to focus, distracted by the tears, groans, and sighs he heard distinctly through the wall, he threw himself into his bed, determined to find sleep despite everything. His conscience had no reason to keep him awake. He had done nothing wrong. Despite his desire, he had, for the sake of Raphael and their family, silenced the instinct that told him to yield to the other turtle. To lay this burden of responsible elder and do something purely selfish for once in his life would have been delicious, but he couldn't afford it. He remembered the answer that gave Raphael when they were young and asked him why he preferred what was boring rather than playing with him.

 

" That's what is expected of me."

 

Splinter, his brothers, their friends, all were convinced that Leonardo, was perfection. All his life, he had put pressure to match this ideal. Everyone expected it except Raph. Raphael had never wanted Leo to be perfect. Raphael only wanted to find his playmate. On the contrary, Leo's efforts to avoid disappointing others produced the opposite effect for his immediate younger brother. This paradox had never been so clearly highlighted in his mind. The more he reflected, the more he noticed some similar aspects. Raphael always wanted to be on the same level as Leo. But it wasn't so much Raph who tried to rise. His concern seemed more to "keep" Leonardo at his level. Leo had always accused Raphael of jealousy, envious of his leadership and talent. Was that the case? Or Raphael all this time had wanted to keep Leo within reach? And was his immoderate hatred of Karai jealousy? Not jealous that Leo had a girlfriend before him, but rather that Leo was slipping away, again.

 

Was it Mikey or the tea playing with his mind? Suddenly, pieces of puzzles came together in his mind, giving Leo a new vision. The complaints on the other side were spaced apart, but they were heartbreaking.  Raph was hurt. He was alone, in the darkness, in an unknown place. The only creature whose company he seemed to enjoy had rejected him, without his understanding what he had done wrong. Leonardo admitted that everything must seem confusing from Raphael's point of view. Candidly, he had offered Leo all he possessed, his body and his confidence, demanding only a few caresses and kisses in return.

 As Donnie had explained, the markers of what was right or wrong were no longer the same for Raph. In all honesty, Raphael had tried to have him as a mate. Without wanting to hurt, or seize all ramifications about it, Leo had promised all the same. He had always made it a point of honor to keep his word.

If he doesn't, he will lose the trust, respect, and affection of the present Raphael. And if the Raph of the past never came back, this version would remain forever, abhorring Leonardo.

 

Then, Leonardo made his decision. He took a packet of candles, matches, and went to Raphael's room.


	6. Mikey's idea

Leo approached the metal door with an anguish that he didn’t know whether to call delicious or painful and pressed the keypad to enter 5-7-3-6, which was LRDM on a phone keypad. Don hadn’t found a better one, so Mikey wouldn’t forget it.

Of course, what he was doing was highly dangerous and unsavory. If Don got up, how would he explain the reasons for his presence in Raphael's room? And what would he do if Raphael was waiting behind the door to knock out Leo and then ran away? What if Raphael started screaming in rage at his unexpected and nocturnal visit?

Leo placed a hand on his heart and checked his heartbeat. He was fearless like Raphael had claimed with mockery tinged with admiration. Remembering this, Leo’s heart swelled and he entered the room.

A low threatening growl was heard in the dark. Leo stopped in his tracks. Then the growl commenced again and lasted longer. The message was crystal clear, which was a warning not to approach. Leo stepped forward and lit a match, so he could light a candle. Raphael was lying on the floor at the back of the room, having ignored the hammock Donnie had left. He’d recognized his visitor as Leo and the intention was evident in his eyes. _“I don’t want to play your mind games. Go away.”_

Leo shook his head, refusing to be intimidated by Raphael’s sour mood. He’d already encountered similar situations countless times. Raphael had been perpetually furious with him the last five years. Yes. Raphael was even more unpredictable and aggressive than he’d been in the past and he was even potentially deadly, but Leo felt confident for the first time in ages. He ignored Raphael’s warning and headed to the hammock while lighting candles here and there, which he placed on the floor. He then lay comfortably in the hammock, leaving one leg dangling. Raphael continued growling, but Leo now translated it as being protective than as a potential attack. The sound of footsteps indicated that Raphael was carefully walking. When Leo turned his head, he saw Raphael five feet from the hammock, a halo of light shining on him. His eyes glowed inhumanly in the room’s semi-darkness that was softened by the candles’ light. Raphael made Leo think about a creature in a fairy tale, who was the victim of a fatal accident and who was waiting to be kissed. Leo decided to let that instinct go for once. He wanted Raphael right now and he needed to share his desire. He wasn’t ready to be taken entirely, but a sexy and tender “moment” was welcome. Sighing in satisfaction, Leo released his cock and began to stroke himself and moaned in pleasure, hoping that Raphael would find the sounds inviting. Raphael’s body visibly tensed and his eyes remained fixed on Leo with a concentration that would have made Don proud,

Seeing himself overserved, Leo discovered that he had a secret fetish for exhibitionism and stroked his cock faster. Leo didn’t regularly indulge in masturbation because he was usually fatigued due to training, perpetual anxiety or thinking about battle strategies. That must have been why he’d been unable to resist Raphael’s advances. But what mattered was the climax. Groaning in delight, Leo bit his knuckle to stifle his cries, while his seed sprayed onto his plastron. His eyes hadn’t left Raphael, who hadn’t moved an inch. With hooded eyes, Leo said “Good night” and fell asleep.

Never had he been woken so brutally from such a sweet sleep before.

“Leo, are you there?”

“Shit!” Leo cursed for maybe the first time in his life and got up so quickly that he almost fell out of the hammock, while a perplexed Raphael watched him.

“Yes, Donnie. I’m here.”

“It’s seven fifteen and I haven’t heard any movements. Have you finished washing Raph? Is he free and is the room clean?”

After a quick glance and sniffing the air, Leo noticed that there was no smell of urine or excrement.

“He’s unrestrained and he hasn’t been washed yet, Donnie.”

Leo heard Don sigh behind the door.

“We have a hectic schedule to respect that I want to tell Raphael about today. Mikey’s here with breakfast. Try to convince Raphael to let you tie him up or I’ll have to gas you too. It’s soon for him to shower. A bath with a sponge will suffice until you can trust him. You have fifteen minutes and then I’ll press the red button. Don't panic. You’ll feel dizzy, but it will pass quickly because you’re lighter than Raph. Then we’ll enter and leave. Don’t forget to make an entry in the notebook when you leave. It’s impressive that Raphael was unrestrained and didn’t rip you to shreds. I want a report on how you managed to obtain his forgiveness."

Leo glanced at Raphael, who hadn’t budged. He had to convince him that he needed washing. Glancing quickly at his plastron that was still smeared with his essence, shame overwhelmed him. He remembered the demonstration he’d given Raphael in dismay. How could relations between them be normal after that? He had to brew Splinter’s tea, whether he was insulted or not! For someone as straight as Leo to forget himself and to jerk off in front of his own brother, the tea mustn’t fall into innocent hands, like Mikey for example. Leo wished a huge hole would swallow him up and that he could avoid Raphael’s gaze when he wanted to shower and wanted Leo to join him.

Raphael followed Leo, but stayed at a distance, his eyes expressionless, apart from briefly looking suspicious and questioning. Leo quickly washed him after washing himself. Raphael reluctantly allowed him and kept his hands to himself.

The sound of a balloon being deflated was suddenly heard and everything happened at the speed of lighting. A wild-eyed Raphael was instantly on him, holding his hand to Leo’s nose and mouth and preventing him from breathing.  After struggling futilely due to Raphael’s immense strength, Leo’s panic-stricken eyes finally closed.

Completely disoriented, Leo woke up on the couch. Then he remembered that Raphael had wanted to kill him. Sobbing, Leo held his head in his hands. The moment he’d always feared had occurred. His brother had hated him enough to want his death.

Traumatized and still worried by his other brothers’ fates, Leo checked the time and saw that it was almost 10 a.m. Had he been unconscious for nearly 150 minutes? He suddenly heard Don’s voice call out in a desperate tone, “I’m the worst brother in the world and the most incompetent scientist.”

A comforting Mikey closely followed him, whispering sweet words of consolation.

They entered the living room and an overwhelmed Don fell beside Leo.

“Ah. You’re awake, Leo. Well…” Donnie murmured exhaustedly.

“What’s going on? Is your course finished? I thought there was an hour to go?”

“Let’s discuss my class and the schedule as if that would lead somewhere…”

“What happened?”

“What bad news do you want me to start with? The fact that Raphael tried to kill you when you were supposedly his favorite? That he stubbornly refuses drink and food? That nothing that interested Raphael in the past interests him now? I showed him the finished bike in one of his old magazines. Parts, tools, and weapons. Nothing. No remembrance whatsoever!”

“But, Don. It could be too advanced for him. Maybe more basic things like…”

“No. I put sensors on him to note his brain activity when seeing specific objects. Nothing piqued his interest.  Not even pornography.”

Leo was stunned at the word ‘pornography’ and said, “What?”

“This form of Raph seems very sexual. I told myself it was worth a try. Images of both genders had no effect on him. I thought that the photos weren’t enough to stimulate him, so I wanted to kiss him. He just about ripped my head off.”

"But why did you try that, Don?” Leo asked, shocked.

“Science often progresses through trial and error. I was curious. That’s all! I wanted to help him, but I don’t have a shred of hope to work on. All he wants to do is tear us to shreds and run away.  His behavior isn't even distinctive of a single wild animal. I don't know where to look for examples to explain his reflexes. The only detail I can describe as positive is that it seems clean. The toilet contained his urine. So, Leo, you don't have to go to Raphael anymore, apart from in the mornings. I changed the time from 7:00 to 7:30 a.m. You’ll wash him when he’d tied up. Then Mikey will take over until 8:00. Then me at 9:30 for his language stimulation. Then he’ll be alone until noon. I’ll try again in the afternoon for the 2 hours logic lesson. Then he’ll be alone until six. Mikey will go out at 6:30 and he’ll be alone until the next morning. Now we have to wait for a countdown of ten minutes. It’s no longer five minutes. All this if Raphael doesn't die of starvation if I don’t find a solution within a week!” Donnie said hysterically, about to have a nervous breakdown.

Donnie was the most sensitive to stress and when a mission specifically required his field of competence; he had the torture of being first in line in case of failure. The role of moderator of the natural predisposition to panic had always been Leo, but Mikey shook his head and spoke before Leo could voice his opinion.

“D,” Mikey said. “You’re wrong and you take the problems the wrong way. I’m telling you again that Raph didn’t want to choke Leo. He wanted to protect him as best he could from the gas. When we entered the room, he was struggling to stay conscious and he has covered Leo with his body to prevent us from hurting him or taking him away. Raph then grew irate when he woke up and found that he was chained up and that Leo was absent. He refused to eat again because he was worried about our presence and his beloved’s absence.  Raph reacted to the blue color and was agitated when you showed the colored cards that represent us, as the schedule with the pictograms of the activities. I believe he wanted to see Leo again so that he could ensure Leo was well and that also wasn’t chained up in another room. Taking him away from Leo’s a bad idea because Leo’s the only thing that’s made him react positively. I believe the attraction’s more than just sex and that’s why he didn’t find a statute.”

“You mean a substitute, Mikey?” Leo asked calmly.

“Yeah. He doesn’t want Donnie or the pictures. He wants Leo. More precisely, he wants Leo to love him. In order to have that, I believe he’d even patiently study a nuclear physics course, lean to jump rope with his own intestines and wear a pink tutu and tiara if it led to a warm night with his Fearless.”

Leo darkened at the nickname and said, “Mikey, the real Raphael would be horrified if he learned that we had sex, while he wasn’t himself. I’d feel like an abuser and that’s out of the question. I don’t want to hear your theories about Raphael, who’s yearned for passion with me. It doesn’t help us, but I agree about some points. Don’s right. Raph’s “formal” schedule needs to be toned down. It’s too intense. It needs to be lighter. He was always a bad student when it didn’t concern anything physical. It required tons of positive reinforcements to maintain his interest. Sensei designated that role to me during our youth and I’ll try it now. You have too much on your shoulders, Donnie. I can teach him “language” and you can do the logic. And I think Mikey was right earlier. Raph only became aggressive when the gas occurred and if he’d wanted to kill me, he’d have just strangled me and not only covered my mouth and nostrils. I think we have to leave him alone, but not too much. It might be wise for him to see us more often together so that he understands we’re brothers. Let’s go together when he has his next meal. Maybe my presence will soothe him. Maybe it won’t, but trying doesn’t hurt. I know that you and Raph were extremely close and that this affects you enormously, Donnie. You take his recovery very seriously. Thank you for that. I’m sorry for making you feel like the leader in charge, who had to find a solution. It’s my duty,” Leo said with a sad smile. He paused, before saying, “I propose spending three hours each with Raph. I believe that one hour of logic in the afternoon will be enough for the moment. Expressing himself is more important. Then, depending on how he responds, we can even let Raph see his schedule. If give him power, he’ll react better. It must be sad enough for him being locked up. For example, when he agrees to eat and drink, which is our next challenge, you’ll be able to print other pictograms, so that he can create his own menu, which Mikey will cook for him. I also believe that we need to focus not so that he gets better from our angle, but so that he feels better around us. Being the family we are, we’ll all eat with Raph."

“I agree, Leo,” Mikey said. “Come on, Don! Your Darwin or I don't know who didn't give up on the first of ... whatever field he studied."

Donnie nodded with a small, still sad smile, but feeling more encouraged.

They were in front of the door an hour later. Donnie was about to press the red button when Leo stopped him.

“These soporific gases don’t cause long-term effects. Do they, Don?” Leo asked. “I disliked feeling confused and nauseated when I woke up. Are there other options?”

“No. It’s Sevoflurane, which is the most tolerable choice. But I don’t know what repeated dosages will do. Nobody has been anesthetized several times a day for weeks on end.”

“We must find another alternative. A more peaceful action that’s less damaging to his physical and mental health and also for his confidence in us. I’m asking for a regressive use of the gases. We won’t use it anymore by the end of the week,” Leo said firmly.

“And how are you going to do it, Great Fearless Leader? Do you think I’m having fun poisoning Raph?” Don asked in a hurt tone.

“That’s not what I meant. Calm down. We must present a united front to Raphael. I’ll go first. Give me a few seconds to reassure him. Then you guys can come in. We’ll show him his plate. Maybe he believes his food’s been poisoned.”

Leo entered the room, trying to be calm, while his heart pounded. He greeted Raphael with a nod similar to the one that he did during the practice fights. To his delight, Raphael replied with a barely perceptible, but a real movement. Leo went to the schedule, pointed to the pictogram of food and put a card of each color in the pocket on the left. He removed all of the others. He then resumed the gesture of bringing something to his mouth, indicated the three colors and pointed at Raphael. Leo placed his hand on his heart and pointed at Raphael and the cards again. Then he made a circle with his hands and said, “Family eats together.”

He sat in front of Raphael, who remained uncertain, but only standing at a distance of two feet. Leo made the gesture of sitting down, which Raphael obeyed. Satisfied, Leo called his siblings, who no reassured, entered the room. When they were all seated, Mikey presented Raphael with a roast turkey leg, potatoes and peas. Raphael shook his head and looked at Leo, who thought that Raphael wanted him to give the plate himself. But Raphael shook his head again and pointed at Leo’s plate. Did the emerald-skinned turtle believe that only his plate had been poisoned and he wanted Leo’s instead? Shrugging his shoulders, the young leader proceeded with the exchange and tried to encourage Raphael again with the gesture of eating. Raphael shook his head in exasperation.

“How romantic!” Mikey exclaimed excitedly. “It’s obvious, Leo. He wants you to eat first. He wants to ensure you’re not hungry before he eats. Raph didn't necessarily eat enough at Shredder's place or on the surface. He didn't see you eat. Maybe he doesn't know that we have food in abundance and he wants to be assured that you will be okay.”

Dazed, Leo waited for confirmation from Donatello.

“It’s possible,” Don said. “Or he respects the hierarchy and he knows that you're the leader."

“Nah!” Mikey said. “Raph never respected the hierarchy and if he listened to Leo in the past, it was only because he was crazy about him!”

“Michelangelo! That's enough!” Leo said sternly. “We’ll try, but this isn't because I believe your nonsense.”

Leo took a bite, but without conviction, but amplifying the satisfaction he felt in mollifying Raphael. He wasn't hungry at all. Whenever Mikey mentioned the "feelings" of the old Raph, Leo's stomach twisted without explanation. With curiosity, he could only note that Raphael was visibly reassured to see him eat and drink. When Leo wanted to stop after a few bites, Raphael motioned him to continue.

"You see, Leo. You have to eat until Raph’s convinced that you’re no longer hungry."

"Let me just test something," Donatello interjected. He took the fork from Leo’s hands and pretended to raise it to his mouth. Raphael growled. Donnie then pointed the fork at Leo’s mouth as if he wanted to feed him. Raphael immediately reacted by placing himself in front of Leo, grabbing the fork and baring his teeth. Donnie diplomatically pulled back. Raphael turned to Leo and lovingly handed the fork back to him. Leo’s heart sank. “Interesting,” Don said. “Despite your refusal and your violent quarrel, he doesn’t consider that you’ve broken up. He always feels like he’s in charge of you and has to provide for and to protect you. But he’s possessive and wants to be your sole carer.”

Donnie was most definitely pained. But a part of him was pleased with Raphael's attention. One party wanted the affection more than anything, but he didn't want it if it led to his brothers’ detriment. Leo sighed and shook his head. He pointed to his heart and then at Raphael, Don, and Mikey. The leader did the sign of the circle again and repeated the word family. He slid his finger down his cheek to sign a tear and pointed first at himself, then Donnie and then at Raphael. Then he shook his finger to indicate “no.” Then, to show him that, despite the reprimand, he wasn’t angry, he kissed Raphael’s forehead and beckoned for him to eat.

A few minutes later, none of the three Hamato brothers feared that Raphael would die of starvation. When the meal was over, Leo picked up the schedule and tried to pique Raphael’s interest with it. He only chose the blue cards. Leo shook his head to tell him that it was impossible. He had to pick one of each color. Raphael reluctantly agreed to include an orange, but he fiercely refused the purple one. Grieved for Donnie, Leo tried to insist, but Donnie objected.

“It doesn’t matter, Leo,” Don said, “I have a lot of things to do. And I haven’t seen April in weeks. It’ll do me some good.”

“Okay. We’ll follow you. Mikey will return here alone around two thirty p.m. I don’t believe that any hindrance or gas is necessary. Mikey will have his T-phone in case of an emergency and the door will be locked. Then I’ll return at six for his meal and will stay until eight.”

Donnie nodded without a word in front of a sad and compassionate Leo and Mikey. As soon as they left, Raphael not doing anything to escape, Don shut himself up in his laboratory. Some noise was heard and Mikey and Leo looked at each other in agony.

Mikey arrived at two thirty armed with action figures and photo albums, as well as a laptop.

“Mikey,” Leo said. “What are you doing with those figures? Just because Raph can’t speak doesn’t mean that he’s now a child again! And, is this Donnie’s laptop? You’re crazy! He’ll kill you!”

“They’re actors and not figures, Leo. You see? They each have a colored bandana. They’ll tell Raph what happened. These are all of our albums so that Raph can know that he and Donnie were good friends. The laptop’s for a secret reason.”

“I must admit that you impress me, Michelangelo. If you can capture Raph’s interest, it can be profitable for him to understand who we are, where he comes from and why he’s that way.”

Mikey gave a small smile, pretending to be modest, and knocked three times before entering the room.

Leo then went to talk to his cloistered brother in the lab. After much insistence on Leo’s part, Donnie allowed him in the lab.

“You don’t have to take this personally. I’ve endured Raph’s disdain for years and I know it’s painful. You at least have the chance that it’s not the real Raph, the real one, who hates you like he does me.”

Don made an indifferent gesture and returned to his notes.

“Why did you call April, Don?” Leo asked, thinking it prudent to change the subject.

“She knows a way of us going into a cinema without being discovered,” Don said animatedly. “We’ll go to Murakami’s place before. I should be gone from around seven to midnight.”

“Great, Donnie. I’m very happy for you. Going out will do you good.”

“Don’t forget to record the progress if there is any, but don’t force Raph to see me. I don’t want him to feel obliged.”

“Of course, Donnie.”

Leo felt serene enough to practice his kata, which he’d neglected for a long time. He wasn’t sure how long. Splinter had put him in charge of his brothers’ training and he couldn’t even discipline himself. Time passed so quickly that Leo jumped when he saw Mikey in the dojo’s doorway.

“Already finished, Mikey? What’s the time?”

“6;45 p.m., Leo. You’re late. Raph’s dying of hunger, despite the three plates he devoured this afternoon. He’s asking for you."

“What? You just left?”

“Yeah.”

“But you’ve been there for more than four hours?”

"That's right. Four hours, which have been very rewarding.”

"You’re starting to scare me. What happened?"

"I presented our photos and then the figures representing us. To symbolize you, I borrowed your Captain Ryan collector's Platinum Edition and I drew him a dark blue bandana with a permanent marker. I hope that doesn't bother you.” Leo said sighed and Mikey continued, “So, I explained that we all loved one another and that you and he argued, but you always forgave yourself. Then I mimed his kidnapping, his blow on the head. The rest was tricky to act out, because I don’t know what happened to him. Raph then took Wolverine, which represents him, and took yours. He put them in each other’s arms. Then you, who pushed him back and he saved you. Then he dropped the figure and touched his chest to tell me that he was in pain. I explained what you didn’t want and he understood.”

"He understood that we were brothers?" Leo exclaimed happily.

“No, you idiot! I told him you were a virgin.”

At this, Leo was astounded.

“What!”

“It’s true and Raph seemed to accept it as a very good reason.”

“Hamato Michelangelo! I ... I ... am so horrified and angry at you. For heaven's sake, can you tell me how you “mimed” my so-called virginity? Moreover, why is it so exceptional for Raphael to retract? None of us know anything about sex. Maybe Raph saw porno magazines in the park. I always suspected he had some, but he hid them so well. I know I once punished Don for looking at disgusting Japanese anime, but I don’t see how YOU, Michelangelo, can make fun of a condition that you share."

"Dude, that's what you think. Donnie, Raph and I punched our V-cards a while ago."

Leo pressed his hand to his chest, feeling dazed. Too much to reply right away.

“No one here’s judging you, Leo, if you’re happy being chaste. That’s your choice, but we don’t have to live like monks to please you.”

“But with whom?” Leo asked, still in disbelief.

“The models of the latest Swimsuit edition! Geez, Leo. It’s pretty obvious, dude. Between us!"

Leo was so flabbergasted by the revelation that he remained silent ten seconds. Then livid, his face darkened and he said furiously, “What? When? How? I can't believe it. You did this behind my back! As soon as Raph returns to his normal self, you’ll all do five hundred pumps on the wooden board!"

“If it makes you feel better, taking advantage of your power and doing that to us because we had “fun” and it was consensual….”Mikey said in a sulky tone.

“I don’t want to hear about it again, Mikey. You revolt me and disappoint me. Continue talking about your oh so instructive therapy.”

“So, I said that Raph understood. For your information, I gestured that you were shy, romantic and you were afraid of him experiencing pain and of Don’s reaction. This made him thoughtful. He took the figures and pressed them together in a supplicating way. I understood that he wanted advice on how to conquer you, so I took out my secret weapon."

Leo raised his eye ridge, silent, while an excited Mikey continued.

“I first showed him that you loved discussing subjects, Leo,” Mikey said, “And he had to learn how to speak. It seemed to annoy him, but he nodded. Then I showed him trailers of the fifteen most romantic movies of the past sixty years. I found the editing on YOUTUBE."

“Mikey, that’s ridiculous. Raph can't serenade me and I don’t want him to kiss my hand or to have a candle lit dinner with him.”

“It was just so that he’d understand that he had to put you emotionally in the mood before. Then I played the second video.”

“What? New York’s top fifty romantic restaurants for a first kiss?”

“No. A very informative video on how to prepare your partner for sodomy."

Leo cursed, looking incensed.

“What? He had to understand that….”

Leo hid his face in his hands, trying to calm down so that he wouldn’t punch his youngest brother.

“Mikey, I’m withdrawing you from the schedule! And from seeing Raphael for a long time! I hope he forgets that…Go corrupt your filthy mind if you want, but leave the already enough disturbed Raph. Don’t write anything. I’ll talk to Donnie when he returns. When Raph’s okay, you all will never hear the end of it! I’m going to see Raph, but I swear, if he’s worsened, I don’t know what I’ll do to you, but it’ll be more severe than no food channels!”


	7. Leo's first languague lesson

With great trepidation, Leo entered the room, holding a steaming bowl of ramen, which was the only meal he could really make. He tried forcing the disturbing images that had been in his mind for the past ten minutes after his young brother’s confession to the back of his mind. Imagining his brothers tangled in bed together, sweating, growling and moaning lustful encouragements was too much for him to process. He should have asked to know more, but he didn’t have the guts at the moment. He had enough to deal with Raphael's problematic condition. Closing his eyes, he imagined the extremely wild Raphael watching sexually explicit films. Leo imagined the worst scenario of all. It being that Raphael would throw himself at him as soon as he entered the room and the bowl of soup would end up on the floor. How should he react? It wasn’t Raphael’s fault if Mikey had warned that he was horny. Leo unlocked the door and anxiously stepped into the room.

Leo’s eyes spotted Raphael as soon as he entered. Raphael was prostrate at the back of the room. The emerald skinned turtle didn’t immediately look up and focussed his attention on an object he held in his hands, which was the Captain Ryan action figure. Raphael’s face wasn’t lecherous like Leo had feared, but neurasthenic, which was entirely out of the real Raphael’s character. He was completely transfixed on the figure and Leo doubted for a moment that he was with him. Michelangelo’s obscene video hadn’t produced the dreaded effect. On the contrary, Raphael had never seemed so severe and stirred heavy thoughts. He finally saw Leo’s blue gaze and nodded, slightly smiling and waving his hand to invite him to sit down. Leo sat down, but not too close, which Raphael must have seen, because he sighed. He gestured for the young chief to eat first, which he did. Leo took a few bites. Then he handed the spoon to a sad Raphael.

Raphael ate in silence and Leo couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so reserved. How was Mikey’s visit so upsetting?  Was it just a bad joke of Mikey’s? Yes. That must be it! How could Leo fall into such a trap? What a relief!  Raphael seemed to make a decision. He took the figurines representing himself and Leo. Then he made them come alive to figure out what he meant while miming himself and changing the expression on his face. Leo wasn't sure he understood everything, but other things were clear. Raphael remembered being tied up and suffering from headaches and that he’d met Leo and had loved him at first sight. That was the most explicit gesture. Raphael held his heart in both hands and pointed to Leo, his eyes burning with raw passion. He then repeated his advances and his face expressed sorrow and misunderstanding. Then he handed the figure representing Mikey to Leo. Blushing, Leo watched Raphael reveal that the orange turtle had told him told that Leo was  "pure."  Raphael raised his hands. Then he crossed his arms and lowered his head. Leo wasn’t sure about the meaning, but it could be interpreted as’ Since you’re new to this, I’ll wait until you’re comfortable enough.’ Then Raphael made an unexpected gesture. He pointed successively to Leo and his moving lips. He wanted to learn how to speak, but slowly, because it gave him headaches. Then Raphael picked up the figure he’d tied down, showing him talking and then having pain afterward. A horrified Leo understood. Donnie had been right. He didn’t know what had been done, but Raphael had been hurt every time he’d tried to speak, which had conditioned him to stop using speech so that he wouldn't be harmed.

Leo compassionately stroked his brother’s cheek. Raphael was ready to try to learn to talk again, despite all he’d endured, to win his love. Leo couldn't help kissing his brother and looked at him fondly and moved and proud of his courage and his determination to win his affection. Then an absurd idea came to his mind.

Could he reverse the process by offering pleasure instead of pain when Raphael would use his neocortex’s resources? The rational part that was governed by the Bushido and Splinter’s teachings to Leo had made him react badly and feel offended. Leo had vigorously reproached Michelangelo for their incestuous touching, so wouldn’t it be hypocritical talking the same way? The other small part of Leo’s brain; the one reserved for pleasure and selfishness, that had remained silent for seventeen years, except under the demonic influence of the hallucinogenic tea, whispered to him that it was an idea to dig. Leo decided he’d try it, but only in Raphael’s best interest and for purely therapeutic purposes. Leo, himself, wouldn't experience personal pleasure. If he didn't take advantage of it, it was infinitely less criminal, right? Raphael couldn’t blame him later! He was going to try it once. Hadn’t Donnie claimed that science often progressed through trial and error?

Leo was so incredibly nervous that sweat beaded on his forehead, while Raphael gazed at him questioningly. Leo had never really made sexual advances before. He didn't know how and how to give a language lesson at the same time.

Leo took Raphael's hand in his and touched his plastron. Then he articulated clearly and slowly, "Leo" Then Leo made the same gesture, but for his brother. "Raph."

Leo wasn’t going to bother his brother with names as complex as theirs. The diminutives were sufficient.

Raphael kept his hands in Leo’sand being as tender as he would be with a wounded bird. He guided them to caress his plastron in circular motions. The comforting gesture appeased Leo, who decided to be bolder. He gently pulled his hand away from Raphael’s and rubbed his slit, which contained his cock. As a hypnotized Raphael watched, Leo repeated his name. Then he dropped down, his cock semi-erect and heard a whine. He wasn’t sure if it was from him or Raphael. Then he began to pump his cock and said his name repeatedly, as he did so.

Raphael threw back his head, ecstatic. Leo suddenly stopped and said, "Raph."

Tamed, Raphael painfully articulated, "eo."

"Well, that's almost it," Leo congratulated, resuming the movement with renewed ardor and kissing him on the temple.

"Eooo", Raph repeated, like a litany, his head turning around, eyes glassy, wholly absorbed by the pleasure. The sweat dripped off of Leo, who was having difficulty breathing, the air seeming rare and toxic. He was so obsessed with the climax that Raphael was close to, he himself, so excited that he had to bite hi slip to maintain his concentration. Then Raphael suddenly moved and uttered an inarticulate cry that sounded like the blue turtle’s name and his semen sprayed all over Leo’s hand. Instead of collapsing in a satiated, blissful, afterglow, Raphael took his spilled seed and smeared it onto Leo’s plastron. While he was doing so, Raphael purred and looked so relaxed, happy and youthful that he seemed younger than Michelangelo and Leo reproached himself for his manic persistence in rejecting his brother’s advances. Once Raphael had carried out his duty and marked Leo, he seemed to be fatigued, stretching a hand lazily towards Leo and letting it fall against him when the leader shook his head with conviction. Raphael stretched himself. Then he curled up against Leo's thigh, while still sitting up, and fell asleep.

Feeling like he was on hot coals, Leo stood up and cautiously left. He closed the door, his nerves on edge and feeling his shell becoming tight due to his persistent erection. His nostrils were still filled with Raphael’s intense musk and he knew he needed a shower to relieve his two problems.

He was on his way to the shower when a voice said mockingly, "Leo, still going to make us do five hundred pumps on the wooden board? If I were you, I’d wash before Donnie gets back. I can smell you from here and you stink of Raph!"

Leo saw his brother stare mockingly at his plastron, where Raphael had smeared his cum, but he ignored him and headed to the shower.

A quarter of an hour later, Leo, who smelled clean, fresh and of lemon, sat down next to Mikey.

"Mikey, I ... would prefer that you don't talk about that."

"No problem, Leo. On the other hand, D’s a scientist and Raph’s sexual smell isn’t unknown to him. If you keep letting Raph mark you that way, he’ll do the math. 

"But, Mikey. What do you want me to do? It seems to calm him down."

"I don't think he’ll complain if you find a way that he has nothing left to rub you with."

"I told you that I wouldn't have complete sexual relations under any circumstances with Raphael. It would  forever break our bond that was already extremely strained."

"I didn't mean it. If you swallow it, he’ll have nothing to put on you."

"Mikey, you alarm me. I feel like I don’t know you at all."

"It's because you didn't try to know me other than as the little brother and the little soldier. You’re oblivious as soon as it doesn't concern strategies, training or Bushido. I don’t blame you. You’re highly placed in our family. You’re the eldest son, the favorite, the gifted pupil, the heir, the future master of the clan and the chief. You do what’s expected of you. You have duties to fulfill. The rest of us don’t. Do you know how much that exasperates Raph? He said that Master Splinter was choking you and preventing you from living a life. I understand that you haven’t had the time or the energy to investigate the changes we experienced. You had enough on your plate with planning battles and keeping us alive, but Raph didn't want you to ‘preserve life’. He didn't want your protection. He wanted to protect you. He didn't want you to live for Sensei’s approval, but for his love only. Raph’s possessive. We can see that he has no filter. He wants you to be his and vice versa."

"Really," Leo said sarcastically. "Having sex with his other brothers is a great way of showing it. 

"Nothing happened between Raph and me. We each had Donnie. One after the other. Not at the same time and that has nothing to do with it."

"Whatever! Your depravities don't interest me. What I'm doing is only to help Raphael's recovery. I don't obtain any pleasure from it," Leo said, as Mikey looked at him skeptically. "And I’ll stop as soon as it doesn’t seem relevant."

"You looked like you were hot under your shell earlier. Were you?"

"I’m not made of marble, Michelangelo."

"That's what I told Raph."

"Which one? The past or the present?" Leo asked coldly.

"Both. Both seemed to strongly doubt it, especially the past Raph."

"And that's why he threw himself at Donatello? I don't understand. That’s not like Donnie at all."

"Now you want details? I told you there are many things that escape you. When the goal isn’t a noble quest, you remain utterly unaware of your surroundings. Raph’s been deeply depressing for the past two years. Then he tried bedding Donnie to do something and to be more active than just moping. It had the opposite effect. In short, Raph dumped Donnie a few weeks later, saying that he only wanted a strict fraternal bond with him. He didn’t elaborate why and only said that he didn’t want to pretend anymore. Donnie didn’t understand. He turned to me, but I think it was only to make Raph jealous. I didn’t appreciate being sloppy seconds, so I also broke up with him about two months before Raph’s disappearance.So you see, Raph was with Donnie for six weeks and I was with Donnie less than a month. Since we’re just brothers now, it’s not a biggie, Leo."

"Why did Raph automatically turn to Donnie and the latter to you?  Was I the last choice?" the leader asked, not sure if he must feel insulted by it.

"Not at all. I think if we’d been on a game show, your name would have been the first of our three envelopes. But you know, nobody, especially not me, will destroy the natural balance."

"What do you mean?"

"It’s in the order of things that you’re with Raph. And I'm not that dumb to step on his turf."

"You seem sure of yourself, but nothing in his words or deeds meant that."

"Do you remember before he ran away? I’m sure that’s what he wanted to tell you!"

"What are you basing that on? Because to my memory, Raphael ‘s attitude towards me never changed. Even on the last day."

"First, instinct! And…"

A tumult was heard and Leo signaled to Mikey to be quiet.

A livid Donatello made his appearance.

"Donnie? What is going on?" Leo asked.

"Nothing. Nothing. I won't see April anymore. It's over," the olive turtle answered darkly.

Don went to his laboratory and slammed the door, but without locking it. Leo rushed after him and went into the lab.

"Donnie, please. Tell me what happened," Leo said. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

Tears streaming down his cheeks, Donnie murmured, "Nobody loves me."

"I love you," Leonardo said, placing his hands on either side of the genius’s head to meet his fleeting gaze. "Donnie, don't say stuff like that. That's wrong and you know it!"

"I mean, not like that."

"Donnie," Leo said and sighed.

"Do you want to help me? Don't leave me alone tonight. Sleep with me!"

Leo stopped suddenly, confused. The demand wasn't strange if it came from Mikey. Donnie had asked him to share his bed quite often in their youth, but that hadn’t happened for about four years. Leo realized that Don had experienced an emotional shock strong enough to make him regress to an infantile need. He smiled kindly at his younger brother.

"Of course, Donnie, but not here. Let's go to your room. I hate staying in your lab for a long time. It gives me the creeps."

Donnie gratefully accepted and with Leo’s arms wrapped around him, they headed to Don’s room, both completely unaware of Mikey's dark stare from the doorway.


	8. Progress

Leo woke up disoriented in Don’s arms. He gently extricated himself, so as not to wake his brother. The leader didn’t know more about what had happened to make Donnie so despaired. He’d just clung to Leo like a lifeline and had fallen asleep. Leo knew he’d know more when Don was ready to tell him. For now, he had to go to Raphael and try to convince him to have a logic lesson with Don. He got up and silently walked to the captive’s room. It was only 6:05 and he was early, but Leo assumed that Raphael wouldn’t complain.

He unlocked the door but didn’t dare to immediately switch on the light, because he didn’t want to abruptly wake up Raphael if he was still asleep.

A threatening grunt was suddenly heard in the darkness. Leo immediately stopped in his tracks, shocked by the unexpected and aggressive welcome. Composing himself, Leo turned on the light. Raphael blinked for a moment, dazzled at the sudden brightness. Then his gaze turned to Leo and his expressions changed. He was first incredulous, then aghast and finally, he was furious. Raphael stepped forward with the audacity of a predator, to suddenly sniff Leo. His green eyes froze when he stared at Leo and he suddenly turned around, grabbed something on the floor, which seemed to be another of Mikey's figures, and snapped it in half with his hands, a few inches away from Leo's face. Too amazed to react and meet the gaze that pierced his soul, Leo looked down, something he’d rarely done in his life. Leo saw that the broken pieces were of Don’s figure. Then he understood. Raphael was angry and Leo must have smelled like Don because he’d been with him.

Leo bent down to pick up the figure to explain the situation to Raphael and also to ensure that an already fragile Donnie didn’t witness the “threat” against him. But before he could so, Raphael violently grabbed Leo’s wrists, so he was unable to touch it. Raphael picked it up himself and threw it against the wall at the end of the room. Then he turned to Leo with all the vigor of a bloodthirsty beast, pointed at Leo and then he pointed at himself. He then grabbed a piece of purple cardboard, tore it up, pointed at one of the pieces, looked at the door and then made a sign to break someone’s neck if they touched Leo. Leo reacted like he would have done with anyone. He went into a combative mode. Raphael also being his brother, he acted with the most restraint he could use in this case. He slapped Raphael. He understood that the present Raphael showed a particular preference for himself, but he had no reason to attack Donnie. Leo hadn’t done anything with Donnie, apart from holding him in his arms. The genius hadn’t done anything wrong either. Donnie was working extremely hard to help their ungrateful brother and the situation must end. Raphael’s possessiveness was hurting the whole family. To further show his disagreement, Leo turned to leave the room, but he was stopped by one hand on his wrist and by what seemed to him the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Leo!"

Raphael’s supplicating eyes expressed so much remorse that they could have served as a model for the definition of the dictionary. But Leo was too amazed by the two syllables that kept escaping Raphael’s lips. His eyes shone with tears of pride and relief at his brother's blatant progress.

Raphael reassured by seeing Leo’s positive shift in mood, led him to the place where the language lesson pictograms were stored, which was on a small table just next to the schedule. Raphael took the pictograms and handed them to Leonardo. He wanted him to start the "lesson". Leo motioned for him to calm down. He hadn't forgotten the scene a few minutes ago and wanted to make things clear with Raph. He pointed at a purple card and made various signs to express that Donatello was grieved. Leo had slept with him in his arms to comfort him, but nothing else had happened. Raphael pouted, pointed at the cardboard and made a sign that he was jealous because Donnie could speak and could, therefore “seduce” his blue turtle. Raphael wanted to learn too, because if he spoke, Leo would love him. The orange turtle had promised that would happen. And it was impossible for the blue turtle to choose the violent if he also spoke. Raphael pointed at his muscular arms and flexed his muscles. It reminded Leo so much of the presumptuousness of Raphael, the true Raphael, that Leo smiled.

Leo touched Raphael’s plastron and said, “Raph. Ra-ph."

"Af...”

"Almost, almost ... Raph."

Leo's smile grew wider when Raphael stretched his limbs and half lay down, showing off his body and looking like a big cat, who’d been basking in the sun. The message was unmistakable. Raphael wanted his positive reinforcement. Leo did the same gestures as the previous day without any hesitation. Panting, Raphael managed to say his name faster than he’d learned to pronounce Leo's, but unhappy with his performance, he wanted to continue learning before the "conclusion" of the lesson. He gestured between the two of them, who’d interpret Leo, wanted to ask the name of what was between them.

Leo’s first move was to answer "brothers," but he guessed it wasn't the proper answer to what Raphael meant, so Leo gently said, “Love. Love. Raph loves Leo. Leo loves Raph."

They’d well on the full meaning of the verb later, but as he listened to Raphael painfully repeating the sentence and struggling with his imminent orgasm and the difficulty of speaking, Leo remembered Mikey’s “advice” and with his heart pounding, Leo took Raphael’s erect purple cock into his mouth, unaware of how it would be received. Raphael cummed in Leo’s obliging mouth.

Surprised by the rapidity of the action, a swallowing reflex seized Leonardo, who swallowed Raphael’s seed without having had the opportunity to think about it. Strangely, what should have shocked or disgusted him or, at best, left him as stoic as a soldier, who’d done his duty, lit him. Desire flowed through his veins and his condition must have been obvious to a turtle as instinctive as Raphael.

Leo had sworn that what he was doing was for the exclusive benefit of Raphael. It was the only way to forgive himself and justify himself to Raphael later. He didn't want Raphael to say once he’d returned to his old self, that Leo had done it for his personal interest.

Leo pointed to the corner that was for the shower and then made a stop sign to Raphael.

"Leo shower. Raph stays here."

Raphael nodded, an ambivalent expression on his face. After Leo had taken care of his "problem," he came back, visibly relieved. The leader waved to Raphael to come in the shower as well, and to his astonishment, his brother washed completely alone. He picked up his T-phone to check the time and saw that it was now 7 a.m. Mikey had to get up and prepare Raphael's lunch. Leo remembered his second mission of the day, which convincing Raphael to have a logic session with Don. Leo took the boxes and indicated that shower time was over. He then proposed three orange cards, each matching the icon of a plate and placed them on the schedule. Leo had thought of merely dividing into hours so that the equilibrium could be seen right away. Mikey stayed with Raphael for 1 hour for every meal (despite Leo’s anxiety, he wasn’t worried about Mikey, but he was about Raphael.) Then a blue and again an orange with a pictogram associated with recreation, which Raphael took without difficulty. He didn't want Raphael to be so alone now because he was making progress. It could only benefit him if his brothers were frequently with him. All of his brothers. Determined, Leo showed the purple card with the pictogram of the puzzle. He gave them to Raphael with conviction and asked him to choose where to put them on the schedule. Raphael reluctantly placed it in the afternoon, but added a blue card over it and took Leo’s hand. Raphael accepted Donnie, but only if Leo was also present. In a gesture of approval, Leo stroked his brother's hand.

Mikey knocked on the door and Leo told him to enter. The gases and the manacles were not necessary. Leo ate his breakfast, while Raphael watched him adoringly, and thought that he was going to become obese with all the overeating and neglecting his training. When Leo stood to leave Mikey alone with Raphael, the others made a gesture to beg him to stay. Why did Leo go?

“I have to see Donnie,” Leo said. “I have to warn him to prepare Raph’s lesson and ask him again what happened yesterday. Anyway, I can't stay here forever. I have other obligations."

The reality was somewhat different. In fact, Leo didn't trust himself if he stayed too long with Raphael's intoxicating presence. He left, despite the weight of a heavy look that followed him.

Donnie was drinking black coffee, his eyes still red.  Leo placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Don smiled weakly and said, “Hey, Leo!"

“Hi, Don. I have some great news. Raph said a few words.”

“Really? What did he say?”

“My name and his.” Leo suddenly felt embarrassed at Don’s thoughtful look and he added, “Furthermore, Mikey went inside his room without having to use to coercive methods. He’s with him right now, because Raph’s agreed to allow him to participate in the development of his daily schedule."

With resignation, Don met Leo's eyes and said, “That’s wonderful, Leo. You must be a better teacher than I thought. More gifted than me, because he doesn’t even accept my presence. But you are Leonardo, the unique and talented Fearless Leader."

"Don! Why do you take it this way? You didn't even hear the latest news. Raph’s included you in the schedule at 2 p.m.”

Donnie stood and said happily, “That’s fantastic!”

“I know. I wanted to tell you to prepare and plan everything."

"How did Raph speak? Did you notice it? I need to have all the data."

“Nothing special. I pointed at us, and I repeated. That’s all.”

“Really. That’s weird, but I don’t understand all the ramifications of the workings of his mind. I still can't determine what happened to him."

“He explained it to me with figurines. He was tied up and hurt when he spoke like you thought.”

“But his memory, Leo? That’s what worries me the most. We can re-educate him, even break the conditioning, but the memory….I don’t know how to stimulate it, apart from showing him photos and personal objects.”

“I don’t know either, Donnie. Take one step at a time and celebrate every victory. Mikey’s with Raphael until eight thirty. I’ll see him again at nine. Then he has a break. I didn’t want to overload him. Mikey sees him again at noon and it’s our turn at two and…”

“What do you mean ‘our’?” Donnie asked and frowned.

“Raph insisted on my presence,” Leo replied lowly.

"I see."

Donnie said nothing more, but Leo could tell he was disappointed. He remembered what Mikey had told him. Raphael and Don had had a two-month relationship. Although Raphael had abruptly dumped him, it seemed like Donnie still had feelings for him. A growing sense of uneasiness gripped Leo.  On the stroke of emotion, he’d promised the worst abuse to his three brothers guilty of incestuous exchanges, but he felt that like it wasn’t the right moment to torment Don about it. He gave a small smile that he hoped was encouraging and went to meditate.

Leo sighed at 2 p.m.

He loved his brothers, but out of the three Hamato brothers, Leo was the loneliest and by choice. He loved his routine and the calmness of it. The day had been extremely busy. In fact, the past few weeks had been and Leo eagerly awaited his father’s return and the daily grind that would then occur. As early as 9 a.m., Leo had gone back to see Raphael, who afterward, had never wanted to let him go. Leo had to be cunning and to take advantage of Mikey’s presence to escape. He’d only been alone for a little than an hour and it was time to return to Raphael. He loved Raphael and more than he should.

But Leo was exhausted from the desire he was fighting.  He had to do everything in measure and subtlety. Subtlety for Donnie, so that he didn’t suspect the unorthodox methods of teaching that a supposedly virtuous Leo was using. He had to use moderation and measurement with Raphael and had to remain cautious so that each sexual gesture kept its “therapeutic” dimensions and so that Raphael’s future reproaches would be less virulent. Raphael had made tremendous progress in the past few hours. He’d learned to name what was on his plate during lunch. Mikey had introduced new food pictograms. Raphael had learned the names of 7 of them and Mikey and Leo had worked together to make him practice "I want" before each request. He’d set the evening the evening meal with Mikey, a bit by chance, because they weren’t necessarily things that went together. Leo remarked with a hope that Raphael had neither named nor wanted broccoli because it was a vegetable that his brother had always hated.

At a certain moment, after his first "wanna”, Raphael had taken Leo’s hand to place on his thigh, feeling like he deserved the reward of physical contact. He looked at the turtle with the blue bandana and asked the question "Leo loves Raph?” Leo blushed, nodded affirmatively and uncomfortably, he turned Raphael's attention onto Mikey.

Then it was Don’s class and Leo was already exhausted, but he couldn’t be absent from it. Raphael had already been disappointed with his departure earlier and he couldn’t sabotage Don’s lesson by now showing up. Leo had promised Raphael he’d be there and he was beginning to think that he gave his promises too lightly. He sighed and met Donnie at the door.

“What did you plan, Don?” Leo asked.

"Seriation. By color. To begin, alternate one color with another, then more elaborate sequences, for example, two red, three blue, one yellow. Also ranking from the smallest to the largest and by hue. Then the embedding of geometric shapes, later some puzzles. Nine and twelve pieces. I think that’ll fill an hour. I also planned on trying to make him hold a pencil, so he can learn to draw again. You know that relaxed out Raph a lot. He needs hobbies when he’s alone.”

“Very good.  Do you need my help?”

“No. Just do what Raphael expects from you. No matter what it is.”

The lesson went okay.  Raphael made an effort. He satisfactorily completed the various activities, but Don’s good mood ended when Raphael said peremptorily, “Raph loves Leo."

Then Raphael curled up against the blue turtle with delight.

Days passed. Raphael’s progress was astounding. There were a few bumps though. One afternoon, when Raphael had easily completed the 48 piece puzzle, he purred and turned his head towards Leo to receive a caress.

Don said dryly, “Do you know that the real Raph would hate you treating him like a domesticated animal, Leo?”

Leo, outraged, replied that that was what the current Raphael needed, he had to act according to the present circumstances and that he wouldn't deny him something that was so insignificant as a mere hug.

The quarrel escalated between the two brothers in front of an impassive Raphael. The turtle he loved seemed in control of the situation, and as long as no hand was on Leo, he wouldn't intervene. In addition, the blue seemed to hate violence, especially against the other two turtles. Orange had explained that they were brothers, as well as him, but Raphael didn't understand what that meant. Only that the blue turtle was in charge and that the youngest ones owed him obedience, which suited him very well. He thought at one point, however, that it must be enough when he saw tears shining in his beloved’s eyes. Raphael put his muscular arm in front of Leo as a sign of protection and said, “Leo nice. Raph loves Leo always."

Donnie’s anger was deflated at hearing these words and he lowered his head.

Raphael’s affection for Leo seemed to deepen and although the sexual tension was always there, Raphael hadn’t attempted any inappropriate gestures, demonstrating heavenly patience for anyone who knew Raphael.  He preferred showing his tenderness because his attraction was undeniable. Raphael welcomed Leo’s arrival with a joy so primitive that no one could say that he was exaggerating. His expressions were sincere and it was clear what he felt. Leo couldn’t deny it. Raphael loved him. It was no longer just about fulfilling a sexual urge. It was pure and genuine love. Leo didn’t know how long it would last, but he seemed to see his resolutions crumble. Sexual treats were often replaced with kisses that Raphael sought with perseverance. Leo couldn't remain cold to this. He hadn’t hoped for love, preferring to focus on maintaining harmony in his family. And he was now loved with more passion than he could have wished for in his wildest dreams.

On the other hand, Leo also wanted to be alone. The real Raphael had always been fiercely independent and this irrepressible need for a company; uniquely his own, was still unsettling. They could hardly be in the same room in the old days and could only peacefully exist in the Dojo, during the practice fights when Raphael released his rage or when Raphael did weight training during Leo’s meditation or when he practiced his katas. He then thought that Raphael no longer had the freedom of movement and no longer had access to the Dojo. Raphael always had needed to work on his muscles. Maybe it was time for him to leave his room? Maybe they could continue the training! Yes. The Hamato brothers in the Dojo again! Granted, Donnie might not agree, but it was ultimately Leo, who had the last word. He reproached himself for not thinking about it earlier. He wouldn’t let Donnie, who’d always been the most submissive brother, intimidate him. Besides, Donnie owed him that. Leo had shared his bed almost every night with him to comfort him and he felt caught. Then he had to vigorously scrub himself every morning to remove Don’s scent before he went to Raphael, so he’d avoid Raphael’s reproachful look.

Leo went to Donnie to explain his idea.

“Don,” Leo said. “You and Mikey are out of shape. Raphael isn’t as bad. We need to get back to our routine. From now on, breakfast is at seven and is for everyone, including Raph, in the kitchen. His door will be open, so he can walk wherever he wants to. The lock on it stays though. Training’s from 8;00 to 10:30. Patrols will start again. We’ll alternate.  It’s me and Mikey tonight and then you and Mikey. We can’t immediately include Raph.”

"If you want, Leo. You're the boss,” Donnie answered without conviction.

Leo enthusiastically explained the new plan to his two other brothers and took Raphael’s hand to lead him to the Dojo.  He told Raphael to sit down and watch. Leo easily beat Donnie and Mikey and Raphael’s eyes were shining with pride, as he watched, and he clapped. Leo's heart swelled with happiness.  The warm congratulations for his prowess were a pleasant change from the old Raphael’s sarcasm. Don and Mikey left the Dojo supporting each other and complaining that Leo was such a tyrant.

Raphael waited until they’d gone. Then he said, “Now Raph beat Leo."

Leo glanced at Raphael. The old Raphael was skilled in armed combat and the new, one looked strong, but the red turtle had rarely beaten him.

Raphael Leo's facial expressions with ease, understanding his thoughts, but he smiled. "Raph wins, Raph touches Leo. Leo wins, Leo stays alone."

Leo felt his heart start to race.  Until now, since his promise to wait, Raphael had wisely kept his hands off of him. When Leo led him to pleasure, Raphael didn't attempt a reciprocal gesture, despite Leonardo's visible state of excitement. If Raphael won this match, he wanted to "touch" Leo for a victory prize. Where the term "touch" was going to lead, Leo didn't know, but he was burning to find out. All of the sexual energy that emanated from Raphael attracted him like a butterfly to a flame and Leo began to convince himself that this was what Raphael wanted. Maybe Mikey was right after all and Raphael had had a secret passion for him?

Leo accepted the bet with a nod. The match was exciting. It had been a long time since Leo had faced anyone so determined to win. At a point, Leo didn’t move his wrists quickly enough and he found himself immobilized on the ground. Raphael was looming over him, a predatory smile on his lips.

"Raph wins. Raph touches Leo."

He took Leo's hand and directed him to his room because the communal showers were occupied by the other two turtles. Now that they were alone, Raphael embraced his brother without any restraint. Then he stared at him.

"Leo not afraid. Raph touches. Not take. Now shower."

Half-reassured, Leo was dragged into the private shower, where he caressed, bit, licked and kissed, until Leo couldn't keep his erect dick inside his slit. Embarrassed, he closed his eyes and bit his lip, so that he wouldn’t sob with pleasure when he felt Raphael‘s greedy mouth on his cock. He closed his mind, focussing only on the exhilarating present. Whatever happened, he’d deal with them. For now, he let himself be consumed by the pleasure that coursed through him. He felt so ecstatic that he seemed to float, feeling like he was in seventh heaven. A statement appeared in bits in his mind. He couldn't live without it and he didn’t understand why he’d resisted it for so long. It was futile. It didn't hurt Raphael. It was consensual and legitimate. He gave and took pleasure and it was natural.

Vanquished, he murmured, “Raph, I'm ready. Take me."

There was no reply. Then suddenly his wrist was seized, he heard the noise of something falling to the ground and he opened his eyes. The silver and diamond bracelet adorning his wrist lay on the tiled floor of the shower, its delicate clasp broken.

Raphael's face was grave. He told Leo to go out without saying a word. He pushed him unceremoniously outside and closed the door behind him, slamming it in a stunned Leo’s face. Then Raphael slipped an orange card under the door. Leo had no idea what he’d done wrong. Raphael had suggested the bet. He’d dragged him into the shower and had freely caressed him. Had he been too passive? Had he pushed too far? Not enough?  Leo had cummed in his brother’s mouth, but Leo had swallowed Raphael’s cum for several days, so why was that worse? Had he been wrong in asking Raphael to take him? Did Raphael suddenly remember that he hated the leader?  Had Raphael lost interest in his prey, now that he’d surrendered to him? What had he done to make Raphael break up with him without any explanation? He remembered that the “old” Raphael had done the same thing with Don without any consolatory words. Leo’s heart went out to Donnie again. Yes. Leo knew that it wouldn't last forever. Sooner or later, Raphael would regain his senses and he’d reject Leo. But Leo hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly after he’d tasted the pleasure of the flesh for the first time. His eyes filled with tears of humiliation and misunderstanding, his brain racing like a greyhound.

Leo went to his room to hide his disappointment and sorrow, not even having the heart to tell Mikey that his brother wanted to see him.


	9. An unexpected ceremony

Mikey, curious, had come to see what was happening in the hallway after the sound of slamming doors. He noticed the square bearing his color and, astonished; he knocked on the door and said, “Raph? It's me, Mikey."

An extremely agitated turtle opened the door and let him in. Raphael’s eyes looked like those of a UFO hunter coming from a meeting of the third type.

"Whoa! Calm down! What happened, Raph?"

Raphael frantically launched gestures and mimicry, interspersed with the few words he’d mastered, explaining what he needed from his younger brother. The sketch lasted more than a quarter of an hour, under Mikey’s attentive eyes.

With a knowing smile, the orange turtle announced, "It's like it's already done, Raph."

Leo had been in his room for over an hour when someone knocked on his door.

"Leo. It's me. I wanted to know if you wanted a walk in the sewers. You haven’t been out in ages and I think it would benefit both of us. Mikey told me that Raph didn't want a lesson today, so we’re free! We could go to LeatherHead. Seeing other people would be nice, right?"

The leader, unconvinced, opened the door and said without enthusiasm, “Yes. It’s a good idea,” Donnie.”

“It’s Mikey’s idea. He told me that he thought we shouldered too much and we should go out and decompress. He’ll take care of Raph.”

Leo darkened but nodded.

LH was about an hour away from their lair. The beginning of the journey was in silence. Then Donnie said, “I have to apologize.

"Why?" the leader asked and frowned.

"I didn't make it easy for you. I was emotionally hurt and I made you pay. I see all the efforts you make to appease Raphael without demanding anything in return. I know that you must be extremely bored of having to treat him like a child and to always be available. You’re a leader and not a nanny, a nurse, a teacher or a prostitute. It must be painful and you do it anyway. You succeeded in repelling Raphael’s attempts while maintaining his affection. Moreover, I know that you probably want to be alone at night, yet I continue to sleep with you and you never blame me. I sincerely believe that you’re the best chef and big brother in the world, Leo. A person with such exceptional self-control and self-denial is unique. You must be eager, however, for everything to return to normal. I am. Losing not only Raph's affection but even his most basic trust is worse than hurtful. Him clinging to you must be a lot to bear, right?”

"Yes. The sooner, the better,” Leo said and sighed. He was sad, but he was also embarrassed by Don’s praises.

“That’s why I thought about LH. He’s also a scientist and a good friend. He may give good advice."

Leo and Don spent a relatively enjoyable and useful afternoon. LH was convinced that Baxter Stockman had been responsible for Raphael's transformation. He needed to know better than anyone what had happened and how to "heal" Raphael by reversing the process. Donnie and Leo came up with a plan. The savant had to be captured. But in order for that to happen, the truce had to be broken, Don had said.

"What truce?"

"You weren't there when Splinter left. We mustn’t fight during his absence."

"Why did he tell you that and not me?” Leo asked. Since when did their father not trust him?

"He didn't want you to follow him or interfere. That’s why he left during your absence. He warned me that when the day comes, he’ll come back or will wave to us. I think he's plotting to help Raphael. So, if it succeeds, the result will be the same. We have to wait and respect our Sensei’s orders. We agree that we need Stockman, but we can’t get a man from Shredder without breaking the truce."

The turtles let around 5 p.m. and returned to the lair. Unfortunately for Leo, approaching his home reminded him of Raphael and his previous disappointment.

"Don, what happened between you and Raphael? I mean, before the accident.”

Leo regretted his question when he saw Don cringe. His pain still appeared raw.

“Nothing in particular,” Don said. “We had our disagreements like you had yours. Raph’s a very complex turtle. It’s all black or white with him, but in reality, there are multiple nuances between those extremes. Raph’s not the type to deal with gray tints. If it doesn’t go in the direction he wants. You and Raph are two opposites of the spectrum. He’s unpredictable, no matter what time of the day, like you. I don’t have to be in the same room as you to tell you what you’re doing. Raphael expresses his emotions, whereas you repress them as much as you can. For an Orientalist like you, let’s say you’re ying and yang. Between living a calm life in indifference or living in chaos, conflict, and hate, Raph’s choice is as obvious, as it’s irrational. Such a passionate person’s fascinating to watch. You’re also passionate, Leo, but I find it less fascinating to study. The con is Raphael became so conflicted by your conflict towards the end, opposing as obsessively and self-destructively, that I didn’t want to study his behavior and I gave up hope of ever understanding him. But I still prefer the old Raph. I know that’s selfish and immature of me, Leo, but I can’t bear his dislike of me. I feel like he’s unconscious and his instincts tell him to reject me. I don’t know how you endured his hatred all of these years.”

“We get used to everything, Donnie. Illness, death, loneliness, poverty, and rejection. A day comes when this pain’s still present, but your mind doesn’t notice it anymore. It becomes like a piece of furniture, a plant; a common object of your life’s makeup. You’re no longer surprised by its presence and you don't question or fight it anymore."

“I’m unfortunately not such a philosopher.”

"You become on through unfortunate experiences," Leo explained painfully.

They’d arrived home. Leo was more at peace with himself, despite everything. He’d openly talked about what had been good for him. He’d almost accepted his break-up with Raphael and it wouldn’t matter anymore, just like a half-forgotten dream.

Mikey was waiting for them and was bouncing from one foot to the other, looking as excited as a child, who’d been promised that they were going to the circus.

“Leo, you’re finally home! Raph asked for you!” Mikey said.

"Why? He didn’t seem very pleased to see me after training.”

“He wants to eat now and you know that Raph refuses to eat if you aren’t there.”

“Mikey, I want to be alone tonight. Raph can come here if he wants to see me. We’re now supposed to have our meals in the kitchen.”

Mikey was taken aback. Then he said, “But you’ll ruin my surprise for Don.”

Leo and Donnie looked at each other, surprised and confused.

“Come on!” Mikey said. “You'll please Raph, Donnie and me. Raph only wants to eat. Then he’ll let you leave if you want. He promised me. I told him that you sometimes like being alone.”

Leo thought he understood. Raphael wanted to see him in private to officially break up, to give more of an explanation why and to give Leo his blue bandana back and to dismiss him like a call girl, who didn’t meet the advertisement’s description. Leo sighed and agreed. He had to put everything behind him and try to forget about Raphael’s captivating caresses.

Leo knocked on the door and hearing no answer, he entered the room. He closed the door behind him and was speechless at what he saw. The room was in semi-darkness, lit by several candles, placed around the room. Sandalwood incense, Leo’s favorite, permeated the room. Soothing music that Leo had never heard before, played softly somewhere in the room. Raphael was sitting still, like he was meditating, on a thin mattress covered with cushions from their childhood.  Sushi and an old porcelain carafe containing an unknown drink were on a boat-shaped plate in front of him. Sake or plum wine maybe? Had Mikey come up with the idea of supplying Raphael with alcohol? It was an opportunity or never to cure him of his vice, Raphael being a notorious alcoholic, in Leo’s opinion. And here Mikey had given it to him! Leo also noticed three red lacquer cups and he didn’t understand the meaning of them. It was only he and Raphael, so why were there three cups? Leo felt uncomfortable and awkward by it all and by Raphael’s stilted attitude. He felt like he was a captive of a foreign country, who’d been led to the Sultan and who didn’t understand the introductory ceremony. Everything seemed as orchestrated, as religious solemnity or a human sacrifice to a wild deity.

Raphael stared at him with impenetrable jade eyes and waved at him to sit in front of him.

Leo sat down, adopting a similar position and studied what was in front of him. He noticed that it was salmon sushi. Choosing such a meal was questionable in itself because Raphael had never been fond of sushi. In fact, Leo was the only, who liked it.

Raphael signaled for Leo to eat first. Leo did so and reached for the carafe in a mixture of gentleness and firmness. Raphael spread his hands, signaling he would eat later. Leo noticed that his napkin was folded into a swan and he remembered that Raphael had always loved origami and had loved making them. He’d stopped when Mikey had grown older and had stopped asking for paper animals. Leo still didn’t understand. Raphael had apparently “broken up” with him when he’d broken the bracelet and had thrown him out. Moreover, Leo noticed sadly, that Raphael no longer wore the blue bandana on his wrist. So the ceremony was one to officially break up. Should Leo feel lucky to be treated with more respect than Don now that he longer pleased Raphael? The emerald eyes never stopped watching him and Leo’s unease must have been reflected on his face because Raphael suddenly turned to get something at his side. He handed Leo a beautiful nacre box that Leo remembered seeing in his father’s room. What was Raphael doing with it? Seeing Leo’s angry expression, Raphael insisted that Leo open it.

The first thing Leo saw was a piece of paper and one of Raphael’s sai. Mikey had written on it in his calligraphy. Leo understood that his questions would be answered by reading the writing. Raphael gestured for him to read.

“I, Hamato Michelangelo, on October 25, write this in the name of my brother, Hamato Raphael, who cannot speak or write due to an accident. Everything I write has received his approval and reflects his thoughts, having not been influenced by me at all.

I, Hamato Raphael, want to be with you forever, Hamato Leonardo and want you to be with me. You wanted me to take you and I refused because the time was not right and the environment was not worthy of you. I wanted everything to be beautiful for you so that the night remained imprinted on your psyche forever. I broke your present because it is not worthy of the great warrior you are. Although it reflects your beauty, it weakens your wrist and slowed your movements during our fight. I do not want you to be defeated in battle one day and to die. I braided the threads of colors that represent us for you and I want you to wear this bracelet instead of the other one because It is lighter. I also wove the same bracelet for me to wear to seal our promise. I did not want to take you in a warm-up of your senses. I do not want you to give yourself a moment of weakness that you will later regret. I do not want to play games anymore and I want you to understand that I'm serious. I want to take you tonight, but I will give you something too. In exchange for your body, I offer you my blood to remind you that it will always be ready to be poured to protect you. I ask you to think carefully about your decision. Once my blood is shed, I will be yours and you mine, having offered your flesh in exchange for my blood. We will drink from the three cups to bring happiness to our union. You will share my table and my bed and you will be the first and last thing that I will see each new day. This bond will be eternal and indestructible and be trying to break it will cause both of our deaths. If you accept his conditions, you will give me the weapon for the sacrifice of my blood. Then we will exchange the bracelets, drink out of the cups and we will love each other tonight. I swear fidelity, protection, care, and love. I will fulfill all the needs that your heart may desire. I will fill your heart and your body day after day and night after night. If you refuse, however, you must let me go. I cannot live under the roof of what I want but cannot have. I have waited long enough and your heart must now know what it wants.

In faith of which, I, Hamato Michelangelo, have signed as a witness of the will of my brother, Raphael.”

Leo’s head spun. The turn of events was so unexpected. It was certainly Mikey’s idea. The histrionic terms and the exaggerated intentions were surely a product of his imagination, nourished with great reinforcements of soap-operas. Never had Raphael, so emancipated, desired something so permanent, exclusive, drastic, excessive and restrictive.

But Leo suddenly had the irrepressible desire to believe in it and to let him fall into the world of love, even if he thought it was illusory. Leo looked in the box and saw the two bracelets of blue and red threads that were finely braided. Leo thought that might be why the blue bandana was missing.  There was a bottle of lube next to it to Leo’s embarrassment. Mortified, he looked around again. Raphael had created a micro-universe of beauty and comfort for his sole well-being because he wanted Leo’s first time to be solemn, but soothing as well and Leo was moved.

Leo could never have believed that someone would do so much for him. Overcome with various emotions, he remained paralyzed before a stern Raphael. Did Raphael understand everything the paper implied? Or had a laughing Mikey written his ideas as he pictured Leo’s expression when reading them? What should he do? If Raphael thought less about what was written, would Leo be disappointed? Would Raphael blame for his complacency later? He didn’t know if he had had time to think that another was chasing him. What would Raphael say? What would Master Splinter and Donnie say? His heart was overflowing with emotions, but it predominated.

The excitation. Leo was loved and desired. He’d never thought he would be. And he suddenly felt strongly that the phrase, ‘I would fill your heart and your body day after day and night after night,’ was true. As long as he could remember, only Raphael had always motivated him. Raphael’s approval and his affection had been Leo’s daily fight for the last past few years. He felt that if anyone could make him feel complete and satisfied, it was Raphael.

Despite his efforts to remain impenetrable, Raphael stirred. He appeared nervous. Leo bowed his head in acknowledgment, not knowing what else to do. Raphael also nodded and then held out his hand to get his sai. He pressed the sharpened tip into his arm, as a horrified Leo watched. It was only a flesh wound for an experienced ninja like Raphael, but the blood was plentiful and the scar would surely be visible for a long time.

Raphael then spoke, “I’ll protect you always with my arms.”

Leo instinctively put his hand to his heart and said the most sincere words of his life, “My heart will always love you.”

Raphael lowered his head. He took a bracelet and tied it tightly around Leo’s wrist. Then Leo did the same thing. They ceremoniously drank the nine sips. Then Raphael cautiously placed Leo on the cushions. Leo’s heart was pounding, but he made himself stay still.

Raphael then massaged every inch of Leo’s body. Leo understood that this was done for the sole purpose of relaxing his body before moving on to more explicit caresses. After thirty minutes, Leo was wholly relaxed and purring, his muscles relaxed thanks to Raphael’s expert fingers. Then the touching grew more intimate and Raphael kissed him passionately, as he stroked Leo’s sensitive tail. He laughed softly, seeing his partner’s positive reaction.

Leo opened his eyes and said worriedly, “What?”

“You open like a flower when I touch tail.”

Raphael then licked the whole area around the delicate appendage, making Leo hesitate a little. He removed Leo’s cock from its protective pouch and grabbed the bottle of lube.

He kissed Leo and whispered, “Be calm.”

Raphael inserted in a finger and checked that Leo was comfortable before he inserted a second finger. He moved them until they touched Leo’s prostate and Leo arched his back in pleasure. He did it a few times, letting Leo rock back on his fingers and then he removed them.

Leo was unsettled by the feeling of loss for a moment. Then he felt Raphael’s hard and hot cock pressing against him. Leo was briefly frightened, but he ignored his fear. He did want to be one with Raphael. Only the present mattered and Raphael was surprisingly gentle with his huge cock as he entered his virgin hole. The burn was unbearable at first and then it was replaced by a wave of pleasure coursing through his body that made him see stars.

Leo had never experienced anything so intense before. No combat equated the struggle to remain conscious while experiencing such pleasure, which gradually took control of all faculties.

Gradually, -Leo didn't know how to explain it in the immediate future- he felt consciously with the real Raphael, his brother, the one had always known and he began to encourage and beg him with words that he wouldn't have had for the other Raphael. When they’d reached their peak and had climaxed, Raphael collapsed against Leo and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

A satiated Leo was completely worn out. Wrapped in Raphael’s arms he fell into a deep sleep and didn’t hear Raphael speak.

“Good night, Fearless.”

And neither of them heard the sound of gas seeping into the room.


	10. Wake-up call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta

Leo woke up on the back of a car, completely disoriented and nauseated. Donnie stared at him.

“Here we are again. You had to be exhausted from your lessons. No doubt Raphael was progressing so much. I, who thought you were stronger than that! The leader always in control!

“Donnie, it is not what you think ... it was the first time and ... we love each other.” Leo stated, despite his blush.

Donnie burst out with a cold laugh.

"Do you think it will last how long when we heal Raphael?" Because you always want him to heal, is not it?

Leo firmly affirmed it was still his priority.

“Of course, Don! How can you doubt such a thing?”

" Maybe it's because you seem to like this version of Raphael, which doesn’t argue with you. It must please your ego to finally see Raphael, the only one who resisted you, finally worship the ground where you set your feet? Donnie sneered

"It's not at all that, Donatello. Raph loves me right now, and I love him too. And for the future, we'll see.” The leader replied boldly.

“I can tell you that it will not last and Raph will hate you twice more than before now. I intended to try to improve your relationship by explaining to you the dedication you showed him, but now…” Donnie trailed.

“I think you're ... jealous! Mikey explained your story to you and Raph, and I find you very brazen to come and blame me for something you did well before me behind the back of your family!

“It is not the same!” Donnie protested. “The Raph responsible for his actions came to find me. He pursued purposely! He was ... very passionate. And now you know that it's almost impossible to resist him! You took advantage of his weakness, and you resisted much less than me! You had let yourself be led by your impulses as much as Raphael. And don’t tell me that you love him because you know very well that it will not last. You take only the pleasure that passes there. Raph had said me so may time how he hated you and I almost came to the conclusion that this hate was so energy-consuming that he had no room for love in his heart.

It was likely that Don spoke the truth. But it wasn’t the main concern of Leo, now. Donnie seemed to have a grudge against him, and the genius’s word was full of loathing and it was almost more painful to Leo. His hate was new.

-Don, you too hate me now, right? Why did you bring me here? To get rid of me?”

Donatello shook his head.

“No, If I wanted to get rid of you, I wouldn’t have given you your katanas. On the contrary, I am proud and happy for you because I know you will make the right decision for you, Raph and all our clan. From now, everyone would be happier.” Donnie explained with a genuine smile.

"What are you talking about, Don?” Leo questioned.

“Our father came back from Japan. He is in Oroku Saki's lair and is waiting for you inside to give you your last mission.”

Leo was now panic-stricken, what his Sensei was doing there.

“What? Has he held hostage? They want to exchange and take my life instead of his?”

“Not at all. In fact, it's unexpected, Leo. At the news of the state of Raphael, our father judged that the cup was full and went to Oroku Saki in exchange for the life of his son. The peace talks were successful. Oroku and Hamato will no longer be at war. Which means that they will no longer attack us and likewise, we can now have free access to Stockman's files since Saki confirmed that the procedure was reversible.”

Leo now was beaming. It was indeed excellent news.

“But, Donnie, it's fantastic! I don’t know how Master Splinter got that result ... but, are you sure it's not a trap, Donnie?” he asked, dubious.

"No, Leo, our father is not a man so easy to fool and would not put our lives in danger, but, out of prudence, I brought your swords.”

Leonardo wasn’t sure to understand. He didn’t have the full picture.

“But you told me about the last mission? Why are we here alone too? Where is Michelangelo?”

“ He is okay, maybe just slightly drunk or hangover. But it is because to conclude the alliance, only our presence was necessary. Me, I go to the laboratory, talk with the scientist. You go to the throne room with our father, take an oath.

"Oh? It's only that, swear not to attack them anymore? Let's hurry up then. I missed Sensei, and I can't wait to get home, if possible before Raphael wakes up. By the way, how did you manage to get me here?" the leader wanted to know.

-I gassed the room with a new product that lasts longer and is long to evacuate through the air vents. I put on a gas mask, and I managed to get you out of trouble and misery under Raphael who was holding you tightly enough. Foot soldiers were waiting for us and helped me get you into the car that drove us here. At the moment, having inhaled the fumes a little longer, Raphael must still sleep."

"Why not wait until I'm aware, tomorrow? I will have followed you voluntarily!". Something was off.

Donnie shrugged with a slight pout.

"The current Raph would have opposed your departure. He doesn't understand all that and would have argued that we are moving his toy away from him."

The leader narrowed his eyes, hissing:

"I am not a "toy" for him."

"Regardless of current feelings, they will evaporate quickly. Don't hang on to an illusion, especially when something better and tangible and permanent is waiting for you." the genius explained with sudden eagerness.

"What do you mean Donnie? What is happening in reality? What is the exact nature of the terms of the peace treaty? What is my mission? What do you expect of me? asked Leo, more and more confused and feeling an apprehension to win him at the term "permanent."

Don had a knowing smile

"The Hamato and the Oroku have agreed to end a war that has been going on for centuries and to join forces. How do you ally two families, Leo? Especially when by a fortunate coincidence, the two heirs of each clan are of opposite sexes?"

The air ceased to reach Leonardo's brain for several seconds, his fevered mind trying to find another meaning to what Donnie had said, but not succeeding.

Seeing Leo's silence, Don nodded.

"That's it, Leo. A marriage with Karai, the actual person your heart has always wanted."

Leo's heart froze.

"Karai ... will never accept." he tried to oppose, still incredulous.

Don's smile grew.

"On the contrary, she consented. None of her two fathers, the true and the adoptive, wanted to force her hand.

"But my consent to me?" Leo snarled.

Don frowned and Leo realized that his brother was sincere. Don think it was a great solution and that Leo was supposed to be pleased with it

"Our father has presumed that you will be delighted. You never managed to hide your weakness for her, the only thing holding you back a bit was our father's approval. From now on, you have it. Moreover, it's your responsibility as an heir. You always act according to your duty. Peace between our families depends on that.

"But in what way does this rule their conflict? Karai is the daughter of Splinter, and I am his son too. It would unite two Hamato, and it would be incestuous. It does bring nothing to the Shredder!" Leo reasoned, trying to find an exit.

"For now, does incest stop you? No, the beautiful story of your future doesn't stop there, Leo. Saki asked the eldest of your children to make it an Oroku."

At this, Leo was bewildered.

"Our children? Donnie for heaven's sake, the last time I checked, I was still a mutant! We aren't fertile with the human. You told us so, many years ago."

"A Japanese scientist has found an antimutagenic vaccine. He tested it on several guinea pigs and Karai herself."

 Leo frowned:

" Then, I would come back a  mere turtle."

"No, Leo. He designed the formula that will make you human. When you are, you will be able to fulfill your nuptial engagement. The second child will go to Splinter."

 The leader shook his head fiercely.

"But it's completely surreal! I don't want to! In the unlikely event that I have children, I want to raise them myself!"

"Why Leo? If you refuse, the war resumes again with a doubling of intensity because of the insult to Karai! And I would never get the information needed for Raphael's healing! Also, perhaps we will all have access to this humanizing vaccine? We can leave the sewers!  You fantasize about Karai for a year! Is it because of Raphael? You must not cling to this illusion. Do you want to live daily with a Raph who despises you and hates you? I don't even know what he's going to stop him from running away when he realizes what you did!"

Leo's head was spinning. It was maybe true, but he still wanted to hope. The last night has been too bewitching.

"No, I refuse," he stated, stubborn and Donnie uttered a sigh of intense frustration, folding his arm.

"You will tell our father that you are avoiding your duty. To Shredder you disdain his daughter and to Karai herself who is waiting for you that you don't want her. You will later explain to Raphael that his healing has been longer than it has could be and that we must remain cloistered under the sewers because you were horny for him.

Suddenly, a vibration sounds:

Don took his T-Phone and read the text:

"It's Mikey. He writes to me that Raph is awake, furious and breaks everything. He says he believes Raphael has partially returned to him, but he also seems to have forgotten the events of the last days. Raphael is angry with you and looking for you. You see? You can read if you think I'm inventing."

Leo trembling caught the T-PHONE:

**_“Old personality seems to return in part. Forgot what happened lately. Furious, look for Leo. He is restless and violent, where are you?”_ **

" It is your decision. You come with me, and you do what our father expects from you. You spend an unexpected life with the kunoichi of your dreams, starting a family and leading a powerful clan. Because that's part of the agreement. You, and not Karai will lead the Oroku clan and your son after you. Saki thinks you are more measured and wise than his daughter and the only one worthy of all his generals ... Karai has accepted this transfer of power. I am going with you, and I have everything to heal Raphael who will be, according to our father's will, our new leader, what Raph has always wanted more than anything. Or we return to the lair where you will face the wrath and disappointment of our father, the revenge of the Oroku and worse: the fury inevitably apocalyptic Raphael."

Leo took a deep breath and cast a last nostalgic look at the bracelet of red and blue threads. His features strengthened as his decision was formed. Despite his heartache, Donnie was right.

“Sensei had enough waited for me.”

Raphael had woken up with the now familiar feeling of having been asleep with anesthetic gas and a strange apprehension. Something was wrong. He looked around for a hint of what had happened to him. A characteristic odor of sandalwood and candle still floated in the air but what Raphael perceived most was the lemony smell associated with Leonardo who still permeated the fabric of the cushions. His brother must have left recently, the hollow of the pillow was still visible.

Raphael got up with difficulty, a tenacious migraine gripping him, although his ideas seemed clearer than ever. He went to the door of his room, and he noticed with aberration, then anger that it was locked from the outside. Leo had gone out and locked him up. He looked around for a message or note that would explain why he had been interned. He found only the text composed by Michelangelo. He read it, reread it, and turned pale with rage when it seemed incontestable. He had to get out of there and talk to Leonardo.

He knocked his fist and foot on the door, shouting his fury and indignation:

“Mikey! Donnie! Open this fucking door! Leonardo, when I get my hands on you, you're no better than dead!”

After a time that seemed incredibly long, the youngest Hamato opened the door, confused:

“Raph? What is happening? You ... are you better?”

“I would feel better when my hands tighten to suffocation the son of a bitch of Leo!

At this, Mikey frowned.

"But Raph ... I don't understand ... it didn't go the way you wanted?"

Raph was now pacing, asking again about Leonardo, with the ferocity of a mad tiger and Mikey was looking at him, astonished.

"I don't know Raph. I didn't see Leo or Don, since yesterday. But don't worry. It will begin to dawn in a little over two hours. They will be forced to return, no matter where they are."

"Text Donnie immediately. I want to know if Leonardo is with him."

Mikey typed a short text, while Raph like a caged beast, pacing.

"Bro, you worry me! What happened? Leo wasn't ... receptive? Do you remember last night?"

Raph shook his head in both hands, screaming:

" I don't want to talk about it ... I don't understand, how he could do that to me. Tell me, Mikey, there is an explanation!"

" I don't understand yet what makes you angry. You seem to have found your faculties. Your memory too, well, I think? Don't you remember that you asked me to help you seduce Leonardo? And to assist you in all this nuptial protocol to conquer it? It must have worked, right? Leo has a weakness known for ceremonial and official stuff ..."

Anxiously, Raphael was biting his fingers.

"You should not have encouraged me; you knew it would end badly. I had lost my mind!"

"But, Raph you wear the bracelet. So, Leo accepted, right? You gave him the chance to withdraw, and he didn't take it. Do you regret? Have not you loved Leo for years? You looked damn sure of yourself yesterday! I don't understand that you are not overwhelmed with joy! You fantasize about Leo's ass since you were twelve-years-old and the day after your bounding ceremony...Ouch!"

Raph hit Mikey with all his might behind his head:

"Do you see Leo this morning? No! He had slipped away, drugged me and caged me like an animal!" he yelled, upset.

"No, It couldn't be that. First, Leo fought with Donnie to get the gas out. Besides, why would he have gassed once out? He only had to lock the door, did not he?"

Raph stopped wringing his hands anxiously for a moment to think. Mikey wasn't wrong.

"I say that it was instead someone outside the room who may have drugged with gas you and Leo to drag him out of the room without either of you could to oppose. Leo was attracted to you. It was obvious that he was very concerned about it and I don't see why he would have reversed his decision. Leo is a turtle of honor. He keeps his word, you know it! On the other hand, Don had shown some resentment towards Leonardo. You have not been very kind to Donnie lately and you know he kept a soft spot for you in his heart. To see you courting Leo so immoderately was surely sorrowful. Maybe he brought Leo unconscious out of here. But Don loves Leo despite everything. He would not hurt him. I even thought for a moment that he was trying to try to seduce him but on his own."

Raph thought it was the only plausible explanation. Leo had been brought against his will. He blamed himself for not being able to protect him. To ignore where he was, with whom and for what reason put him in anguish. With all his heart, he had hoped before falling asleep that his quest was over and that Leonardo was his rightfully. And suddenly, he had been torn away from his arms while he had sworn always to defend him. Donatello must have a good reason for this because even begged Raph to spare their brother, Raph would pummel him.

Suddenly, Mikey's T-phone rang with the peculiar ringtone associated with Donatello's number.

With dismay, Mikey read the text and swung a good 30 seconds before deciding to show it to his brother Raphael.

**_“Mission completed. Raph is ok? Splinter and I come back soon with Leonardo and his fiancee, Karai. As the peace thrust require. Can you prepare something to congratulate and welcome? They will stay with us until the wedding in about a week. Then Leo will leave, and Raphael will have the command. You can tell him; it should calm him down.”_ **

"Calm him down, calm him down, see how calm I am! Raph shouted with all the pain he was feeling while throwing the T-Phone on the wall. He breathed with difficulty, tried to master all the rage and sorrow that consumed him alive, hand against the heart. When he seemed to have regained some semblance of control, he continued, further down:

"He always keeps his word, does not he, Mikey?" Raphael hissed. “Come on, hurry up, we have work to do to welcome his traitors. You were talking earlier about how Fearless liked etiquette, right? Let's not disappoint him! Is not this the day he has been waiting all his life? He must be having from it a wonderful souvenir! And, this reminds me one last thing, Mikey: for the official version, I don’t remember any more of what happened after my capture by the Foot. All my time here in the last weeks didn’t exist.”


	11. The return

Splinter, Donnie, Leo and his new fiancé, Karai, arrived at 6 a.m. Leo was carrying an exhausted Karai. The leader was also struggling to walk and overindulging in sake wasn’t the only reason. Being woken at 2 a.m. and having endured an emotionally draining past twenty-four hours, all he wanted to do was fall into a deep sleep and not think about anything. The prospect of seeing Raphael again was the only thing that gave him fighting spirit and the strength to continue, but he wanted to be full in possession of his faculties when he did because he didn’t know what to expect. Mikey’s message had seemed to indicate that Raphael had forgotten the recent events, but if that was the case, then why had he been so angry with Leo? Oh, yes. It’s true. The “normal” Raphael was still furious with him. How could he get used to Raphael’s hatred of him after the tender intimacy they’d shared? Leo shook his head. He’d cross that bridge later. In any case, the conditions stipulated that he and Karai had to spend the week at the lair until the marriage preparations in Japan and the new dose of the vaccine were completed. He’d leave his family, his home and his body forever in seven days’ time. It was doing his head in. The only good thing that would come out of it was that he wouldn’t have to endure Raphael’s resentment. It would be unbearable after the deep love they’d shared.

He looked at the sleeping girl in his arms. Karai had shown unusual passivity during the ceremony. He couldn’t talk to her alone to determine until she’d consented to her father's project. He mentally rehearsed his father and Donatello’s arguments. Peace wouldn’t have been a good enough reason for Leo to accept Karai’s hardship, but he couldn’t talk to her before he gave his word.  She was his responsibility from now on and he wondered what the independent kunoichi thought about the situation. Splinter had requested Karai's presence for that week because he’d been deprived of her for a long time. Moreover, Leo couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to his brothers. He and Karai had to stay in Japan for at least a year so that the lab could monitor his medical condition. Oroku Saki had also insisted that the eldest of their future children must be born in the land of the Rising Sun. Leo studied the delicate and fragile figure of his forced bride-to-be. He didn’t see her as a mother, but it didn’t matter what he could or couldn’t visualize, what was done was done. He thought about the highlights of the “ceremony” again.

Leo and Donnie had been taken to the throne room, where their father had been waiting. Splinter kissed them affectionately but paid the most attention to Leo. Then Leo had been officially presented as the eldest and sworn that he’d marry Karai. Saki had nodded. Then he’d brought Karai into the room. She was dressed more femininely than usual, her head lowered, which was out of character. After the introductions were finished, Oroku Saki invited Leo to stay with him, while the others went to a banquet.

“Turtle,” Oroku Saki said. “I must know. Do you willingly accept my daughter, because you knowingly have to do so? My daughter’s dishonored in Japan and none of the Yakuza’s sons will marry her. I know you’re honorable. This marriage would have happened long ago if you weren’t a turtle and my sworn enemy’s son. I never had a son and I want to see you two have one before I die.  Hamato Yoshi’s luckier than me, but he’d also like a grandchild and he doesn’t care what gender it is. You’re the son I never had, despite your mutant form, which will soon be a thing of the past if you want. I want a legitimate grandchild. That’s all. No one will marry Karai. You alone may have enough heart to do so. My daughter and your father told me how fond you are of her. You’re the best warrior I know and an honorable man. You are, by adoption the eldest of an old clan. Do you want peace between our families? I give you my succession if you accept my daughter. I need a man, who’s strong enough to silence the gossip about my daughter and who’ll cause fear. You’re the only man she seems to respect and that’s already a feat in itself. I believe you have the strength to maintain it. Do you freely accept her? Because the engagement is a serious matter in the Japanese culture and it’ll be a short one because I want you to be married very soon and to have it consummated. Breaking the agreement will bring about war.”

Leo’s head was spinning. He had to talk to Raphael, but how could he tell Oroku Saki he was bonded to his brother? Besides, according to Mikey, Raphael was furious with Leo and had forgotten everything. Perhaps Raphael had forgotten his behavior and only remembered Leo’s. Anyway, if Don was going to heal him like they’d agreed, Raphael would hate him again and probably even more so now that Leo deserved it.

Leo just nodded.

Everything had been like a like a dream. From the meal in the middle of the night, which Leo thought tasted like ashes, the presents wrapped in rice paper and the delivery of the trousers, which were a symbol of loyalty to Leo.

And bringing Karai home in his arms.  Leo would have severed his arm with his katana for that two months earlier, but now he only felt oppression and anguish.

Splinter and Donatello arrived first, merrily exclaiming, "Here we are with the newly betrothed couple”. Leo was last, carrying Karai across the threshold, like a new bride. At least, that was the impression it gave Raphael, who leaned against the wall, his face neutral, but his heart shattered in two at seeing them. His eyes briefly met Leo’s. Then Raphael looked away, appearing indifferent, but he was suffering inside. His world feeling like it had crumbled.

Leo’s heart pounded. He had to talk to Raphael, to hear his voice, to know…If Raphael had still feeling for him.

"Raphael? Are you better?” Leo asked. “Do you remember who you are and where we were?"

Raph glanced at Leo and said, “I’m peachy.”

Leo’s heart sank. He couldn’t get used to that again. He reminded himself that he had to make an effort.  He only had to be strong for seven days. He couldn’t lie in bed curled up in a ball and weep. Leo was responsible for Karai and he couldn’t dishonor her by appearing unhappy. Moreover, Donnie had repeatedly warned him that would happen. He wouldn’t ridicule himself for thinking a chimera was real.

Leo turned his head to hide the tears that might run down his cheeks and stared at Mikey’s décor. “It’s charming, Mikey. Karai will be pleasantly surprised when she wakes up, however, we aren’t hungry. We just ate and will go to bed in a few hours.”

Mikey managed a smile, despite his disappointment, and said, “There’s a futon in Master Splinter’s room for her.”

“Leonardo and Karai can share the same room,” Splinter said. “I want you to already consider them as husband and wife. Leonardo, go rest. We will celebrate later. Raphael, my son, I have to talk to you.”

Splinter had to repeat himself twice because Raphael’s menacing gaze was still transfixed on the door that the couple had entered, his clenched fists trembling with rage.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone still read this? I'm updating little this story because it's doesn't have much comment, so I focus on others.


	12. The bride to-be

“Blah, blah, blah. Responsibilities. Blah. Leader stuff.”

Raphael may well have been at the bottom of the ocean because he wasn’t hearing his father. Drowning him out, his mind elsewhere. His eyes riveted on the door, he tried to ignore his murderous thoughts. Totally ignoring Splinter’s words, his ears strained to hear any sounds emanating from the leader’s room. Because he’d go and create carnage if he heard so much as a groan.

"I advise you to make the most of Leo’s last days here, Raphael,” Splinter said. “And to spend time with him.”

“Out of the question. I’m going to spend the week at Casey’s house.”

“Raphael, your brother has things he wants to teach you to be a good leader. He…”

“Good leader? Him?” Raphael bellowed. “He only thinks about himself and his whore!”

“Raphael!”

His name echoed in the room and Leo, himself, came out of his room.

“Raphael” Leo yelled, moving dangerously. “You can call me what you want. I believe I already told you that your opinion doesn’t matter to me. But don’t ever talk badly about my future wife. I bore the insults against her in the past, because I didn’t have the legitimate right to defend her, but I do now and you’ll refrain from doing so again! I’ll fight you with weapons if you do it again.”

Raphael was so indignant and shocked at Leo’s words, he was rendered speechless, which gave Master Splinter time to speak.

“You’re unfair to your brother, Raphael,” Splinter said. “Leonardo showed a rare devotion to you through your illness, my son. He’s given so much of himself to ensure your security and well-being, sacrificing himself without any hesitation. His brotherly love and selflessness are worthy of praise and not insults. You’ll follow his example, Raphael and learn from his teaching.”

Raphael’s face darkened in rage. So that was it. Leo had sacrificed his virtue to temporarily comfort Raphael. Nothing more. It wasn’t out of love! He’d been fooled.

“Sensei, I’m no longer part of your clan. Raphael will undoubtedly have more fun spending time with Don to ‘educate himself’, Leo said ironically. “I have to get something in his laboratory, so please excuse me.”

Jealousy and suspicion immediately replaced Raphael’s anger. Why was Leo going to the lab? Did he know Don was hiding there his erotic toys and other essentials? He looked at the lab door, watching it like a hawk. Leo was his. He’d promised. Was he playing a game? Why he spoke of Karai and defend there as his real bride-to-be? And just the next after their own bonding ceremony! Didn’t he know all of this was painful for Raphael?

Leo returned, holding something in his hand that he was trying to hide. Raphael was about to jump at him and forcefully open his fist when Don appeared and greeted Leo.

“Leo, I also have condoms,” Don said. “You know. Just in case. Karai mustn’t become pregnant, while you’re still a mutant because we can’t assure the baby will survive and we have no idea what the baby will look.”

Raphael’s eyes flew wide in shock and he said, “Still mutant? And pregnant?”

Splinter explained the agreement and said, “Oroku Saki’s sick. Very sick. He wants to see Karai married and with a child, before he dies, so he can be at peace. Leo will be an incredibly desirable partner for Karai if he becomes human and then our clans will be united.”

Realization struck Raphael. That was why Leo had been so cruel. He’d been influenced.

“You sold Leo like a white calf! Why not just wait for Oroku Saki to die? You’d have your peace then!” Raphael snapped.

 "Raphael,” Splinter said. “! I didn't sell your brother. We had a win-win opportunity for everyone. Your brother’s reasonable and responsible. Besides, I think Karai wasn’t indifferent to him either! You believed she was? How many time you had reproached to Leonardo that he was indeed attracted to her?”

Raphael's head was spinning. He ran to his room that he’d refurbished to look like before his accident and locked the door.

Raphael closed his eyes and tried to figure out what was going on. He must find a logic explanation or he would be mad as he had never been. Leo must have a reason to act this cruel toward him. The leader wasn’t a person who will purposely hurt someone, even less his brother. Sometimes had surely happened to convince doing so. He looked for excuses at the same time he wanted to rip his Fearless to shred. Like Mikey had suggested, Leo had left his room involuntarily. He was forced to marry the bitch, Karai, to save his family from some abomination. Raphael didn’t know what. He knew his Leo like the back of his hand regarding some aspects. It was very easy to turn Leo into a mere puppet with words like “duty”, “honor” and “responsibility”. Also guilt tripping him always worked. Telling Leo that the lives of his brothers and fathers hung in the balance was a sure way of getting him to do something. Then there was Karai. Her father had implied that she could only marry Leo and not another human for obscure reasons. Leo was such a gentleman. If he were the only one able to save a damsel in distress, he’d do it. And yes, though he felt nauseated when he thought about it, the fact that it was Karai, whom Leo had always found fascinating, had to be the final weight that tipped the scales. But how could Leo have forgotten him and betray him like this? Raphael had stood naked in front of him and had shown his vulnerability, which he’d never done before. And how had Leo thanked him? Rancor resumed. He thought he’d touched his brother’s heart, but he was wrong. How could he have forgotten that Leo’s heart only beats for Karai?

Raphael spent as much time as possible in his room, ignoring whispers he heard on the other side of the door. Leo had just made the gesture he always did when he was about to get a migraine. Raphael switched on his stereo and turned the volume up.

Several hours later, having not left earlier, because he had an en-suite bathroom, he was about to leave, because he was famished when there was a knock on the door.

“Raph, it's me, Mikey."

If there was one person, Raphael was willing to see right now, it was Mikey, his youngest brother.

“I brought you some spaghetti. Listen, Raph. You don’t have to go out. But you do know there are only six days left before all your chances with Leo are gone for good, right?

“What are you talking about, kid? Old Fearless doesn’t interest me anymore, assuming he had. I almost think I’ll try Donnie again.”

“No, Raph. You won’t do that. You love Leo and he adores you. I’m here to help you get that through your thick skull.”

"Does he love me? And the girl, who shares her bed? What is she? The new maid? Another illusion of my disturbed mind?" Raphael sneered.

"Come on, bro. Leo doesn't love Karai. At least, he knows now that he doesn't really love her. And Karai doesn't like Leo either. It’s an arranged marriage. A forced union orchestrated by our clans."

“Leo could have said no! He isn’t a defenseless kid!"

“I asked Donnie about it. I can guarantee you that Leo's room for maneuver was fragile. And Don explained to me that Leo's consent was difficult to obtain. No one can blame Leo for not having perfect filial obedience. He usually does. But they must have put unusual pressure on him because Leo had refused to obey. Don put all his rhetoric, Sensei all his authority and even Shredder hounded him. Don told me that he’d never seen him so recalcitrant to orders before. I asked Donnie what he thought caused Leo’s unusual hesitation. He’s the guy, who’d jump off the building if Sensei asked him to. Don said you seemed to be the source his hesitation and reluctance.”

"Really? So? But why? I still don’t understand. I’d have taken Leo elsewhere, so he could escape the pressure! We don’t need anyone. I’d have taken care of him. Why didn’t he trust me or at least consulted me? Yet, he said yes, he brought her here and walks by her side in front of me and throws it in my face!”

Mikey shook his head and said, “You know Leo. He doesn’t do anything with half measures. You’re the same as him.”

“He promised me before her!”

“Leo didn’t know those were your true feelings! He didn’t know they were sincere and permanent! I told him about Donnie. That you tried with him and then you let him down. Leo confronted Donnie, who said that you hated Leo to the point that he couldn’t focus on your passion for Donnie; that he must have access to Stockman’s records to heal you and that in order to do that, he had to accept, but you’d hate Leo even more than before when you were cured. He told Leo that what the “beast” wanted what Raphael wanted.”

Raphael digested the news and muttered, “I’ll kill Don.”

“No,” Mikey said firmly. “You’ll listen to me. You’d have noticed a sad Leo still wearing his bracelet if you’d left your room. You’re also still wearing yours.”

“He may have just forgotten he was wearing it like I did.”

“No. Leo doesn’t forget things, especially something so symbolic. Neither do you. You didn’t take it off because you love Leo too much and it reminds you of your night when you were so close. You don’t want to forget that and Leo doesn’t either. You know your Fearless. He’s easy to forgive, but difficult to convince. I think the simplest thing is to tell him that you remember everything and that you don't regret anything. Then you’ll have to prove your love is really sincere so that Leo will agree to break the contract. You know he hates going back on his word. I noticed that Leo was more physical than I’d thought he was. He melted like butter when you made specific gestures. It’d be a good strategy to awaken his heart and his body soon after that.”

Raphael frowned and said, “Don’t look at him so closely.”

“Be jealous, but not obsessive. Leo was sometimes confused when confronted with extreme possessiveness. Don’t attack Karai or Don. Leo always defends the ‘weak’. This’ll make you lose points.”

“Anything else?”

“You have six days. Set a specific goal for each day. It should be your confession today. It’ll clear up this huge cloud of misunderstanding. Leo can maybe then delay things for a couple of days to give you a reprieve. He asks to be convinced and begs you to do it! Go for it, bro. Make yourself and Leo happy.”

Mikey’s genuine smile warmed Raphael’s heart. “Thank you, Mikey. I’m going to do that right now!”

"Go for it, bro. You belong together."

Raphael ran to the living room. Then he ran to the kitchen, the lab, and the Dojo. Not finding Leo, he was about to head to his room, when he saw Leo’s open door. On his bed. No. THEIR bed, Raphael corrected himself, Leo and Karai were kissing, their bodies entwined. The girl was topless and only wore her black lace underwear. This sigh told him all he needed to know.

Raphael carefully closed the door before his brother could witness his defeated and upset expression. He didn’t know if Leo wanted to be convinced like Mikey had claimed. He strongly doubted that. But he knows for sure that Karai was looking for trouble. Does she want war?  She’d find it!


	13. The Journal

A few minutes earlier, in Leo's room:

Karai sighed and said, “Leo, you don’t have to look away when I undress. Do I disgust you that much?”

Leo shook his head in and said in an embarrassed tone, “No. Of course not. Sorry. It’s all so sudden. I’m not used to being intimate with a woman. I didn’t want to offend you.”

“I know, but you’ll quickly have to get used to it. We can’t afford to be uncomfortable with one another.”

“What do you mean? Admittedly, we’re marrying within a week, but nothing forces us to rush after that either. It's just a ceremony. No hurry. "

“The Shredder didn’t tell you anything?”

Leo frowned and asked, “About what?”

Karai sighed and said, “Do you think you’ll be able to love me one day?”

“Karai, I…I don’t know you very well. I think you’re pretty, but….”

“Kiss me. You won’t have the answer to the question if you don’t kiss me. Kiss me, Leo, and like you mean it.”

Leo awkwardly approached her and pressed his lips against hers. She returned the kiss, which soon intensified, and they ended up in each other’s arms on the bed.

Karai broke the kiss and said, “So what?”

Leo hesitated. The kiss had been sweet, tentative and light, like a butterfly, but he didn’t feel the butterflies in his chest that he always felt when Raphael and he kissed. The kiss had been nice enough, but there was nothing more.

He saw two emotions flicker in his partner’s amber eyes. A mixture of disappointment and fear. This expression was alien on her face that Leo couldn’t bear it. Not wanting Karai as much as he wanted Raphael didn’t mean that he could watch her suffer without feeling anything. He gently took her chin in his hand and kissed her nose.

“Hey. Karai, don’t take it that way. I liked it. It’ll be better when I’m human and my mouth will have softer lips and will be smaller.”

Karai’s expression, although it was enigmatic, it also showed she wasn’t completely fooled.

“Leo, tell me. Do you love someone else?” Karai asked softly.

“Me? No!" the leader fiercely denied. “It’s not like I have the opportunity to have romantic encounters here in the sewers.”

The honey-colored eyes briefly closed, given them a feline a look. Then she suddenly shouted, “Oh! Yes, yes, yes, Leo! Keep going! Ah! It’s good!” The words she’d uttered made it sound like she was experiencing the greatest pleasure of her life.

Panicked, Leo tried to cover her mouth with his hand, but she deftly evaded him and knocked on the wall that separated them from Raphael’s room. “Wow. You’re so big and powerful, Leo! I feel good. Ah. Continue, my love…”

Leo’s hair would have stood on end if he’d had any.

"Karai! Shut up!" Leo yelled.

“Why, baby? Ah. It’s so good. Everyone must hear how you make me cum!” she yelled, in a fake enjoyment

The bedroom door next to them slammed and angry footsteps could be heard striding away into the distance.

Leo hissed, squeezed her arm and said, “Why did you do that?”

“Why can’t I?” she hissed back.

“He’ll hear you!”

Leo immediately recognized his mistake when Karai looked at him triumphantly and said, “Who’s he? Who’s the guy, whose opinion of what we do in our room is important to you? It’s not our father because you have his blessing. There are only three others here.”

Leo blushed and said, “My brother, Raphael.”

“The red-clad one, who dislocated my shoulder the other day?”

“Yes.”

"He hates me."

"No, Karai. He actually hates me.” Leo replied, in a sad voice.

"I don't think so. He definitely hates me.” she retorqued.

"What do you mean?" Leo asked in surprise.

“Your question astounds me for someone as thoughtful and observant as you. Haven’t you noticed that your brother’s always behind you, his back to your shell when you’re fighting the Foot? I’ve never seen him do that with your other two brothers. Yet, you’re much stronger than them and less vulnerable. Why? Also, your brother, Raphael, despises me more than anyone else and I have an abundance of enemies. Your other brothers don’t react when I flirt with you, but Raphael’s pissed off when I do. He was protective and possessive when he was ‘wild’, right? Perhaps your wild Raphael was the real Raphael? Maybe he expressed his true feelings without having to his filter his real emotions. Did he never give you or your other brothers any clues that he considered you more than a brother? What happened to you? You can tell me everything, Leo; I'm not here to judge. We’ll soon be husband and wife and as you pointed out earlier, we know very little about one another Tell me. I’ve told you a bit about me.”

 

So, Leo told her. Of course, he watered down his feelings, because he was still confused about them and he didn’t want to hurt Karai. But taking finally to someone was putting his soul at ease.

Karai looked sad when he’d finished talking and said miserably, “You shouldn’t have accepted, Leo, but this is all my fault. I ruined your possibility of happiness with Raphael.”

“Don’t exaggerate. Raph regrets everything now that he remembers. He’s the new leader of our clan, which is what he’s always wanted, and he’s rid of me. That’s what the real Raph thinks,” Leo said despondently.

Karai grabbed his chin and kissed him on the mouth. “You told me that your youngest brother, the prankster, pretended to know something and said he had privileged information. Have you ever asked him what exactly it is?”

“No.”

“What are you waiting for?” Karai demanded impatiently.

“But, Karai? Don’t you have your own story to tell me?”

“It’s late. I have to return to the surface for my injection. Then my father wants to talk to me over tea. I’ll share my story when I return. You have your own problems to sort out by then. I want your conscience to be clear, Leo. I want you to know what you can lose and win.”

Karai dressed, kissed his forehead and left.

Perplexed, Leo went to the living room, where his brother was playing video games.

“Mikey, can we have a word?” Leo asked.

Mikey’s eyes remained riveted on his game and he said, “Ask, Leo.  I’m almost on level seventy-one.”

Leo sighed and studied the floor. How could he ask the question without seeming to think it important, as late as it was also inappropriate? The three eldest brothers also hated having to ask the baby of the family for help.

“Yo, Leo?” Mikey said. “Take it easy. I know you’d ask me one day. It took you a long time! Too proud to admit that poor me might have more up-to-date info than the Fearless leader? Good. The answer’s in his diary. Duh! Yes. He has a journal, which is hidden behind the seventeenth brick in the second row from the bottom right, which is dislodged, as well as those next to it. If you ask me why Raph, the bad boy, keeps a diary, it’s because Sensei forced him to use one as an anger management tool on his tenth birthday.”

Leo was silent. He didn’t remember, but it might be true.

Mikey continued, “So, yes, when Donnie cried on my shoulder ‘Why, but why?’ And thought his ex-lover had someone else I was curious. Personally, I had doubts well before. Raphael was so emotional when it came to you. He feels the need to be physical and he does it in the only way that seems ‘legitimate’ to him. His fists. Anyone would be suspicious. So I searched and found the diary. Of course, more than seventy-five percent of the diary’s quite evasive. Don’t waste your time reading what happened before January and February. That was when Raph was with Donnie. I haven’t read everything and have only read this year’s diary. I didn’t want Raph to discover me! It’s more precise as you continue. I haven’t read the last entries if there are any, but I assume they’re even more precise. And I don’t regret invading his privacy. I was looking for answers for Donnie. He never believed my version. Too bad. Raph went to get some fresh air. I don’t think he’ll be back for several hours after your spat. Of course, I know it was wrong, but he preferred leaving than more heartbreak.  I sometimes think he’s the most jealous of our family. So, go ahead.  Take this year’s diary. There are six. I’ll distract him for ten minutes, while you replace it if he returns. Otherwise, it’ll take you about forty minutes. I think you’ll have enough time to read everything without interference. Raph’s proud and in denial, but I think you’ll read between the lines.”

Mikey’s eyes hadn’t left his screen throughout his monologue. Leo didn’t comment and went to Raphael’s room, his heart pounding. He respected his brothers ‘privacy and he felt bad about breaking Raphael’s confidence and trust by reading his secrets. But Leo, no longer considered bad and a sinner in his brother’s eyes felt he had nothing to do lose and Raphael might not realize his privacy had been invaded with Mikey’s cooperation. Leo also knew that when Raphael stormed out in a rage, he wouldn’t be back for at least two hours.

Curious, Leo picked up the two most recent journals and went to his room. Many things about Raphael had bothered him for a long time. Like for example, why did he want to be the leader so badly? Leo opened the previous year’s notebook to the right date.

_-September 29. Splinter named Leo leader. As if Leo needed extra pressure! He spends his free time trying to be perfect and the rest of the time trying to maintain peace, harmony, and security in our home. I told Splinter that I was the strongest and that it should be me. I didn’t mean that Leo’s weak. On the contrary. But Leo’s too precious to our family to be sent to the front line and I think he’s sufficiently stressed._

Leo stopped reading. He’d never thought that was the reason for his brother's recriminations.

_-Argued with Leo. He left and met a Foot girl. He looks enamored. What a dumbass! What would he do with her?  He’s a mutant for one. He’s a mutant and even though he’s a handsome kid and a gentleman, he won’t have anyone. Two, he's way too good for her._

Leo read thirty entries on the visceral hatred that Raphael had for the Foot and especially Karai.

_-Today, I really believed that my world had capsized. Leo tried to sacrifice himself twice to save our skin and the city. That's why I wanted to be a leader in his place. So that he doesn’t play the hero! I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if..._

Leo went to the notebook about the beginning of the relationship with Donnie. He only read one of the three entries, not wishing to know all the details about his brothers’ turpitude.

 _-Finally, I gave in to curiosity. I wanted to see if it was just sexual frustration. I woke up as empty and unsatisfied and agitated as usual. It seems that if it's not for the person you really want, it doesn’t matter. I’ll try anyway because I have nothing better_ to do.

_-I Fucked Donnie seven times tonight. No change. Even visualizing being with someone else doesn’t change the feeling that something’s lacking. It only keeps me hard and even that’s with difficulty._

_-Donnie seems attached to me. It's not right. I chose Donnie because he’s more discreet than Mikey. I don't want a certain person to hear, but Don gazed at me at lunch with longing. I immediately lowered mine I kicked him under the table. He’s very observant and it’s a fucking miracle he didn’t notice._

_-I don't want to risk everything for so little. Cancel everything now before Donnie is even more attached to me. I don’t want to hurt him. It isn’t because I’m unhappy that it must be so._

_-He only talks about her and that drives me crazy.  I’ll keep Donnie as a palliative for a few more days._

_-I broke up with Donnie. It was harder than I thought it’d be. Don wanted to know "why" and kept asking me if it was because of anyone else. He blamed Casey for stealing everything he liked. Ugh! As if I wanted Casey’s dirty face! I’m not attracted to those who aren’t my species. Having no official “someone else" in my life, I could say without lying that this wasn’t the case._

_-Don’s with Mikey. I think it’s to make me jealous and it’s perfect. Mikey has no talent for keeping a secret. Fearless will learn about it in ten days. He’ll be indignant and furious. It may open his eyes. Of course, he doesn’t realize anything if it’s not Bushido. It doesn’t exist. Oh, and if it doesn’t have pink skin and curves it’s uninteresting._

_-Mikey broke up with Donnie. Poor Donnie. It’s pitiful, but I don’t want to interfere. My own non-existent love life is enough to deal with._

Leo, quivering, went to an entry dating from the day before Raphael's disappearance.

_-I’m tired of living like a culprit, hiding in the shadows in my own home. I'll tell him everything at the first opportunity. Too bad about the damn consequences. All but that eternal status quo that has consumed me for more than three years._

So, Mikey might not have been wrong. Maybe that had been what Raphael was trying to tell him that evening. Leo cursed at his rare show of impulsiveness, which had thwarted his brother’s attempt.

There was one last entry and Leo's heart sank with apprehension. The journal gave clues about Raphael’s feelings for Leo, but not definitive and exactly how he felt. But the last page would reveal what Raphael currently thought. There was no date, but when he read the first line, Leo saw that it was barely a few hours old.

 _-There is nothing more disturbing than falling asleep finally happy and waking up more desperate than ever. I woke up and Leo was gone. I didn’t immediately remember everything, but I knew I’d finally won Leo, whom I’d wanted more than anything for so many years. Leo’s not the wind like Donnie claims. He’s the water. I’m fire. I’m honest. You know that I’m dangerous at first sight. But the blue water….Seemingly quiet, it refreshes you. I’ve wanted to drink from this pure source for many years, but the water’s misleading. The soft_ _spring water sometimes becomes like ice and is impossible to pierce. If the icy water’s pierced and you lose your footing and fall in and the ice freezes again, you’re lost forever. The water hides its shadowy depths. It can train you and destroy you. You think you’re holding it and it’s looking for a way of escaping. Water doesn’t destroy like fire does, but it leaves you empty and withering._

_My dream won’t come true. He lied to me. He gave himself and his body to please and heal me. But I didn’t just want a sample, a taste of it. I was clear about that. I don’t understand why he let me venture so far if he knew he felt nothing! I wanted this night to be the first of an endless succession. I wanted him to take me, own me, too But, Leo’s marrying Karai. I have nothing to say about that. It’s not like he’s already promised someone else! That he brings her here my nose and shows it is another story! I don’t want to write any more. Fearless is leaving. I have the command, given to me as a lollipop to a kid, who was promised a new bike. Don’t give a shit about the power. I only wanted it only to protect Leo. Everything is meaningless now._

Leo dropped the notebook, his hands trembling. It wasn't a good idea at all, but he didn't care and that was what he was going to do. For once in his life, he’d be a liar, selfish and dishonest. He’d redeem himself a hundredfold later. He looked at the time and saw that he’d been reading for almost an hour. Karai would also eventually return.

Leo went to Raphael's room, put the notebooks back in their place and waited for his brother in the shadows of his room. He didn't have to wait long. Raphael entered his bedroom twenty minutes later.


	14. The promise

No doubt it was Raphael in the dark. A smell of alcohol emanated strongly from him and Leo cursed internally. That wasn’t how he wanted things to happen. A drunken Raphael was unpredictable and he might not be fully aware of everything. He didn't want his brother to forget the gift he was going to give him.

Apart from his family, Leo cherished nothing so much as his honor. He was going to forget his honor to fulfill Raphael's wish. The leader had sacrificed everything so far for his family and he’d committed his life to Karai. Raphael deserved this gift after all he’d been through and if he wanted to be honest with himself, Leo wanted a moment of stolen happiness.

Slowly, cautiously waiting for him to finish removing his gear, Leo held out a hand and placed it on his brother's wrist. Raphael, who’d just switched on a bedside lamp, turned as sharply as if he’d been burned.

“You!" Raphael hissed. “What are you doing here? Don't come spray spit, while you lecture me on my comings and goings! Keep it to swap with your wife!"

“She’s not my wife yet,” Leo said quietly, "and I’m not here for a lecture either, either.”

Raphael gasped in surprise and stayed silent for a while, his brain slowed by alcohol not sure what to make of Leo’s allusive response.

“What does that mean? Why are….?”

“For this,” Leo said and passionately kissed him, as he pressed his body against his. Leo was frightened for a good fifteen seconds, because Raphael was stiff in his arms.  To the leader's great relief, he then responded with apparent enthusiasm to the kiss.

When he realized that he’d meet with no resistance and that was what Raphael wanted, Leonardo tilted him in his hammock and settled over, continuing their kiss, his hands frantically stroking Raphael’s muscular body underneath him. Leo caressed Raphael’s dropped down cock, which was oozing precum. Raphael spread his massive thighs in an explicit invitation. Leo had no idea where the lube was and he didn't trust his trembling voice to ask. And asking a question might lead Raphael to question back, which Leo wanted to avoid at all costs. He dipped his finger into their fluids, hoping it’d be enough to prevent pain. With precaution and nervousness, he prepared his partner and penetrated him in the gentlest way possible, fearing Raphael would suffer agony and would shriek.

Raphael didn't seem to suffer at all or pain turned him on, because his yell was one of pleasure.

“Ah. Yes, Leo, baby! Harder!”

"Hush. The others!”

“Fuck the others. Ah! Don’t give a damn if they hear us.”

"Raphael, lower your voice. I’m begging you,” Leo said, feeling self-conscious and worried the others could hear them.

“You…You….Oh! You don’t want that. Ah!”

"Quiet or I’ll stop!”

“Yes, sir! I should have known. Oh yes! Hit this spot again! That you’d be a controlling jerk, even in bed!” the hot head stammered.

Raphael bit the pillow to stifle his cries and Leo allowed himself to be carried away by the pleasure. He felt happy and complete as if bringing enjoyment and pleasure to Raphael was his purpose. Their first relationship had been tender and passionate, but Leo had felt he was stealing something without Raphael's awareness. But Raphael’s approval was clear this time. Leo gave him what his body wanted, but Raphael’s heart remained mysterious. Nothing in his dairy had clearly detailed what he wanted. Raphael hadn’t written, at least in the passages that Leo had read, that he wanted a long life with Leo and to be with him daily. Certainly, Raphael’s desire to share Leo’s bed had been obvious, but he’d never written or said the word “love.” Leo didn’t want to dwell on it, because it meant he was distracted from the beautiful creature moaning underneath him and therefore prolonging his performance. He’d never noticed how attractive his brother was. Not only because he was taller and muscular. No. That wasn’t why. Leo loved how his green eyes glittered in the night, shining with tears of pleasure, the emerald hue of his skin and even the scars on his plastron, which showed what a courageous and protective turtle he was to his brothers, always defending them and taking the blows intended for them. Leo had always thought Raphael’s body was the best defined, the sinuous lines that bounded his firm muscles were so beautiful formed that he didn’t understand he’d never noticed that before. Feeling proud, Leo caused Raphael to climax twice and then he let himself go.

Sighting in satisfaction and feeling satiated, Leo fell onto his partner. Raphael wrapped his powerful arms around his exhausted brother. He kissed his Leo’s forehead and softly hummed an old Japanese lullaby, while caresses Leo’s plastron in a circular motion.

They were basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking and were feeling comforted and content and Raphael would have been content if he’d died like that. Minutes passed and they lay together, comfortable and blissful.

A female voice suddenly spoke. Hearing his name, Leo bolted upright. Raphael, who was almost asleep, mumbled words, which Leo didn’t try to interpret in his panic. Leo tried to cautiously climb out of the hammock, but an emerald hand pulled him close to him.

Raphael kissed his neck, tightened his grip on Leo and whispered, “Don’t. It’s not important.”

"No, Raph,” Leo protested, trying to disengage himself. “It could have disastrous consequences if she sees us!”

He managed to get free, and nervously, the leader cleaned his cock before putting him back in his pouch. 

Raphael opened his eyes, watching Leonardo's agitation, and said in a more alert voice, “You want to spare her feelings? Tell her more delicately? I don’t think she deserves such consideration. You could tell her tomorrow of if she saw us having sex now it’d have the same result. She’ll go back to her Foot Princess palace. The nightmare will be behind us and we can move forward.”

With trepidation, Leo's heart had tightened at Raphael's response. Raphael believed that Leo would break up with Karai.  He couldn't blame him. He didn’t know what he had sought to accomplish. He heard his name again, Karai was looking for him, and he was ready to go, join her and his fate, but he needed to explain to Raphael. His two-time lover needed some loving words and hear Leo's eternal regret. He needed to explain that all of this wasn't at all what he wished, and that he know now for sure that he wasn't in love with the kunoichi.

“Raph,” Leo said tentatively. “Karai isn’t going home to her father.”

Raphael’s immediately hardened and narrowed.

Leo said and said resignedly, “I’m still promised to Karai and we’re still getting married.”

“Da fuck?”

Raphael screamed and knocked Leo out of his hammock.

Agitated, striking in all directions, his eyes wild, Raphael continued, “Then why come to me? Why do you always tempt me, bait me like an animal and then turn away? Is that how you see me, Leo? An animal? A toy? A creature or an object devoid of feelings? Am I just a source of entertainment to you? Answer me!”

Raphael frantically shook Leo by the shoulders, demanding an answer. A shocked Leo struggled to reply.

"I didn't think…" Leo began.

“Fuck no! That’s not an excuse. You never act impulsively and always think before you do something! Tell me why.”

“I thought that was what you wanted….”

Raphael looked at his brother in disbelief and said furiously, “You thought I wanted to be fucked and then dumped? That’s what you think of me, Leo? I’m a bitch you can use and discard like trash?”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d been clear and transparent about your feelings and had expressed them,” Leo snapped, even if he was mostly angry at himself.

“Clear and transparent? Do ya want me to write words of love carved into my forehead with my sai, so that ya can read them every morning? Like ‘I love you, O, my beloved leader’. Is that what ya want, Leo?” Raphael sneered." Is it would be enough clear for you? Or ya need that I make a big announcement of this?"

Leo blushed. He’d made things worse. Raphael was hurt. Uncomfortable about his brother’s response, he didn’t know how to take it. Was it just mockery?

Leo’s uncertainty must have shown on his face, because Raphael spoke and immediately cleared things up for him.

"Yes. I love ya, dumbass!” Raphael said, his accent thic, because he was becoming emotional. “I remember our first night perfectly and I thought about every word written on that piece of paper. I don't want a one night stand! It wasn't about scratching an itch! I want ya as a mate. Not just a sex buddy!"

Leo, in shock, put his hand to his heart and stammered, “Why didn’t you tell me that and since when?”

“It doesn’t matter when it was. It’s been there as long as I can remember. I didn’t say anything, because of the fifty-three percent. Fifty-three point one hundred and seventy-five percent to be precise. Doncha know what it is? I had ‘a season’ some time ago. That’s when turtles breed. Don ran some tests. He wanted to know if we were real brothers in the event we could only turn to one another as mates. He’d established his rate of humanity. Forty-seven percent and dust, I think. Then, curious, he made mine. I don’t know if I want to tell ya my result. It’s clearly below your percentage. But then he checked yer and Mikey’s as well. Ya’ll never have a mating season, because yerr DNA is more human at fifty-four point one hundred and seventy-five percent. Yar the only one. Ya’d be more attracted to humans, because science was formal, you wouldn’t listen to yer animal part and ya’d find meaning in the codes of laws and morals of humans more than yer instinct."

“Don told me that our DNA didn’t differ that much.”

“Yes, between him and Mikey, but that’s not the case between us." Raph spat, but Leo could tell how much Raphael has been secretly upset over this since long. "Rather dozen, so I said nothing because I didn’t want to see your disgust at my more animalistic nature. But even an animal can have emotions, Leo! Even a reptile can love! Even a reptile can feel grief over betrayal! That night, you told me that your heart would be mine forever! And a few hours later, you offered it to another! You take me, give me the illusion of shared love! And you leave me alone in the dark! Leaving me nothing but memories!" he yelled.

Raphael turned, his fists clenched, his eyes brimming with tears, which threatened to fall.

Leo then had one of those moments that he should learn to fear. One of those moments when his heart spoke before his head, where he lost his coolness and his reason. He put a hand on Raphael's shoulder, next to the door and ready to left, the hand on the knob.

“I’ve thought about what I said, Raph,” Leo said. “I’ll talk to Karai. I’ll find a solution. I promise, so we can be together.” He made an attempt to a reassuring smile, but that didn't seem to reach Raphael

 "Do it then, Fearless one. Or I'll act for ya." he hissed, before slamming the door, behind Leo.

 


	15. Karai's story

The last look thrown by Raphael, his glowing eyes flashing threateningly, was impossible to mistake.

"Quickly fix this situation or I’ll do it for you! Definitely." it meant.

Leo bumped into Karai almost immediately, while turning the corner. The young woman seemed to be troubled about something. Her eyes were red and her make-up was running down her face.

“Karai, what’s going on?” Leo asked, concern filling his voice.

“I tried, Leo. I swear," she stammered. She seemed so not her usual smug self that it was distressing."Can we talk somewhere else? No one must hear what I’m going to tell you.”

Leo looked at the time. It was 11 p.m. He knew a place in the sewers, where he could take her.  It was his secret place, that no one, not even his brothers knew about. It was a beautiful old metro station of a private line that’d been abandoned when the owner had lost his fortune in the stock market crash of 1929. There was a small adjoining lounge to wait for the subway. It was an immaculate and very secluded place. Raphael didn’t know about it and that was why it’d been chosen. He didn't his angered and upset brother over this.

Leo held out his hand to Karai and led her out of the den. Karai was silent as they walked and every time Leo turned to look at her, he saw that her expression was tormented and he felt oppressed by it.

They arrived at the place and Leo made her sit on the small white leather sofa.

Karai sighed and said, “Leonardo, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have trained in there. And now it’s too late. There’s no way to escape. Do you want me to share my story? Are you still ready to hear it?

“Yes, of course, Karai. If you feel ready and trust me,” Leo replied and smiled encouragingly.

The kunoichi looked like she was hesitating.  Then she blurted out, “I fell in love with a girl named Yoko in my class when I was thirteen. We began a relationship, which became sexual after a few months. My father, I mean, Shredder, who’s always surrounded me with spies, found out. He kidnapped her on the way to school and sold her as a sex slave to a human trafficking network. He asked for her first rape to be filmed and forced me to watch the video in which she was gang-raped by nine men. Two years later, I learned that she’d managed to escape her three clients, who’d been abusing her, by jumping from the window. She was dead.”

Leo’s breath hitched. He’d never expected such confidence and that story. Nor that had Karai had been so heartbroken.

She continued,”My father explained that a girl in my position wasn’t just anyone. I couldn’t compromise myself with other girls, because it was disgusting. I then did the opposite. I started flirting with lots of boys.  A girl from a Yakuza chief, an enemy of Shredder, and who was jealous of my success, filmed me having sex with three of my father's soldiers at a time. I was in a phase of having multiple partners, so I could get closer to Yoko’s suffering." she explained, not daring to look into the turtle's eyes anymore."My father made me attend their castrations and their torture. He made me understand that any partner that wasn’t approved by him would know a horrible fate. I’d dishonored him and his whole clan. He forced me to leave Tokyo, to pass the time and to rebuild my reputation. But I’d met another woman named Shini before I left. I felt the same way about her that I’d felt for Yoko. A genuine love. But I left all the same for her safeguard, but I wasn’t fast enough, because my father learned about it. Then he managed to find a message I’d written about a flight plan with Shini to Switzerland. My dad confronted me and warned me that he owned Shini. Shortly after, I fell into the mutagen and Shredder was ballistic. He had no presentable heir and he knew he was sick and dying, so he asked his clandestine labs not to work on prolonging his life, but to change my appearance and to make me one hundred percent human again. He did everything he could to capture me and I, exhausted from fleeing, fighting and hiding, surrendered. He managed to retrain me to be at his side, but gave me a choice, which was the opportunity to return as a human, but under his conditions. Moreover, if I betrayed my oath, he’d sell Shini in Asia, like he’d done with Yoko and he’d sell me on the Eurasian market. I asked for his conditions. He told me that I had to marry within three weeks and I had to give him a name right away. I panicked, Leo, so I had a childish reaction. I named an impossible suitor to give me time to find a solution. I told myself that you being a mutant and the son of his enemy, he would never accept and I’d have a few days reprieve.  He asked me a single question. Not recognizing you by your first name, he asked me if you were the bearer of katanas. He seemed very satisfied when I said yes to my astonishment.  He said that was the best choice I could make, because he knew how to get Hamato Yoshi to give him his eldest son as a son-in-law. He added that you were brave, intelligent and loyal and that it was too much of a good ride. You’d become human using the same process as me and you’d therefore be a son-in-law perfectly capable of keeping the opposing clans in respect and the Foot in the ranks. You’d be a suitable ruler by the time our child was of age. That’s the only reason for our union, Leo. To procreate. That’s not all. Our wedding night will be witnessed. Nine Yakuza chiefs will be there to attest to the consumption of our marriage, as well as three doctors.  There’ll therefore be no doubt regarding the heir of Oroku Saki. But he doesn’t want you to be ‘intimidated’. Your father sold you as a virgin. Shredder doesn’t want you to give a performance that is, let’s say questionable. He asked your father to promote our intimacy. Splinter saw no problem with it, because he thinks you deserve a reward after always putting others before you. Seeing your innocence, my father instructed me to teach you. I have to go back in eight hours for a Pap smear to see if there’s sperm in me to prove my mission was a success. Your sperm, because they’ll be analyzed to see if they have reptilian DNA. If you don’t ‘honor’ me, he’ll feel outraged and will engage his second threat.”

“What threat?” Leo asked, trying to remain calm and focused, despite the awful story.

“He’ll trigger the detonator if you don’t respect your commitment. The one in your brother, Raphael."

Leo's heart stopped at this, picturing his beloved brother exploding. It couldn't be real! But Karai continued, urge in her voice.

"Shredder banned Stockman from handing over your brother’s complete file. I don’t know how or why, but your brother can become a furious beast on command. The effects would be permanent this time and more destructive. Raphael would be uncontrollable and wouldn’t stop until he’d annihilated your entire family, including himself. So that's the situation, Leo. Our situation. I know you're not indifferent to your brother. I don't judge you, but we must move away from loved ones to protect them. It's a lesson I learned the hard way."

"But Karai, it's unrealistic. You can't force love in people. Let's say I’m awful as a human. What would you do?”

It wasn't his main concern at all, but maybe Karai could convince the Shredder to forget his dreadful project. Oroku Saki was a terrible man, but he cared a little for Karai, and it was maybe Leo's only hope. Maybe if Karai changed her mind, and chose another prospect...

Karai shrugged and said, “I didn’t choose you blindly either and Oroku didn’t accept my choices for nothing. You have all the leader’s qualities and that’s all he asks for. You’re also young and healthy. I also respect you and trust you. That’s already more than what I grant to ninety-eight percent of humanity. I could have done worse for an arranged marriage.”

“Karai, that’s too much. How can your father do this to you? Is mine fully aware of this story?” the leader asked, still in shock. How could Master Splinter agreed to this?

“Firstly, Shredder’s not my real father, but I’m his only legitimate heir in Tokyo and the Foot. His paternal instinct’s therefore no longer a survival instinct. Your father, who’s mine biologically, mustn’t know the whole truth. I sincerely believe he wanted to make both of us happy because he offered his most deserving son to me.

The reference to his family reminded Leo that Raphael was waiting for him to break up with Karai, but Raphael would be lost forever if he did.

“There’s undoubtedly another solution….” Leo urged.

“You gave your words. Betraying it will cause me to be sold, as well as Shini, and Raphael to destroy your clan and his own death,” Karai said darkly. She took out a bottle of sake and two cups from her bag and added, “Let’s drink.”

Leo reluctantly accepted the drink. The events of the last few days oppressed him and he soon finished his cup. Karai then unleashed her emotions.

“It’s my fault, Leo. You must hate me! We love everyone else, but we have to abandon them for their sakes. But being condemned to not having our first choice doesn’t oblige us to make a cross on the possibility of pleasure. I need to know that you want me all the same. I need to know that I haven’t caused your misfortune. You don’t have to pay for my mistakes! You’ve never done anything wrong your entire life!”

She was sobbing and a stirred Leo tried to comfort her.

“No. Don’t cry, Karai. It’ll be fine. I’m with you. Your love for your friend’s not a fault. We can’t choose who we fall for. I’ll do my best to make you happy anyway!”

Leo took Karai in his arms to console her. He didn’t feel well for a moment. It was like an out of body experience. Physical contact made him feel like he’d been given an electric shock. He thought about the repercussions of the horrible revelations the young woman had given. He must have been in shock. Then he was fascinated by the striking contrast of his green leathery skin and Karai’s silky peach skin. It wasn’t right. He wasn’t in his normal state.

“Karai, what did you put in the sake?”

She smiled sadly and said, “Just something to make the decision easier, Leo-Chan. For both of us. These are just the first steps that cost and we have no choice. I’ll be lying on a hospital bed for samples in seven hours’ time. The drug lasts for up to six hours. Relax and let me show you the secrets of the female body. Maybe you will like it. I hope so."

Leo briefly thought about Raphael as Karai gently flipped him onto his back and he had a strong desire to resist her. Then overcome by the unknown drug in his bloodstream, Leo forgot everything, unable to focus on anything but her expert hands that’d give him pleasure and not love. Her hands roamed, desperate and frantic to lead to him to a state of abandonment as if their lives depended on it.


	16. The plan

Raphael had furiously Leo and Karai’s departure to an unknown destination. It wasn’t that he didn’t exactly trust Leo. It was the fact that his opposing stars seemed to have fun always keeping Leo out of his reach. And he had no confidence in Karai. On the other hand, he thought that Leo's providential absence allowed him to do something he’d had wanted to since his "healing".  Pay a little visit to his brother Donnie without the interference of the big brother peacemaker.

The purple-clad turtle’s attitude, which was questionable and mysterious, seemed shady. Probably that Donatello with his intelligence, had perceived, observed and deduced a whole lot of absconding elements. Perhaps also that Don knew a lot about the real motives of the unexpected marriage. And he mainly wanted to have the fucking explanation why Donnie was giving it a hand.

Donatello wasn't yet sleeping, seeming awful busy as always, but he turned sharply to greet his visitor.

"Raph! I was just about to look for you. I’ve just finished studying your Stockman file for the second time. I need a blood and urine sample!" the genius urged.

Raphael made a harsh gesture, showing that he wasn't there to play guinea pig.

"Later, Don, I have questions,” he hissed, cornering the scientist on his chair and preventing him from standing up by placing his hands on either side of the office chair.

"Oh!" Don replied, nervousness showing on his face. “Well, go ahead."

Beating around the bush wasn’t Raphael’s forte.

"Why did ya drag Leo away after drugging me? Why did ya take him to Shredder? Why push him into this odious marriage?"  Raphael growled

"Odious? We’re talking about Karai here. Leo’s always been captivated by her, especially according to your version. Besides, it wasn't my idea, but our father’s order. I informed him of the peculiar situation that existed between you and Leonardo. Master Splinter asked me to bring Leo over discreetly and that’s what I did. Drugging you was necessary, because you’d have refused to let Leo go. You don't remember it, but you were very attached to him. Sensei explained to me that we had an execrable and grueling childhood, because of him and a clan dispute that didn't concern us. He told me that everyone would have what they deserve. He said that Leo had been a brilliant team leader, who’d never hesitated to sacrifice himself for the others. Splinter said that it was now time for Leo to have his retirement."

"Da fuck? Fearless is in his prime! Why would he retire? He isn’t even of legal age to drink alcohol.”

Don seemed puzzled by his anger. Then he tried to justify himself.

"Master Splinter knew that Leo was in love with Karai, because you’ve complained about it for years. So, he thought he’d satisfy him. For himself, he had access to his daughter and grandchildren. I don't think Splinter thinks anything is as perfect than our leader. The idea of mini Leo mixed with his own blood pleases him. You were going to have the leadership you’ve wanted for over a decade and you’d finally be rid of Leo, who annoys you to no end. And Mikey could have a cheerful life and I could have the time for my inventions, because we wouldn’t be fighting the Foot Clan.”

“So that was yer reason, Donnie? So you can spend more time on your machines and books?” Raphael spat.

“Didn’t you hear anything I said? It was a win-win situation for everyone!” Don shouted, not shoving Raphael away to stand up. The genius had a temper that could match his elder brothers sometimes. “And anyway, it was the only way you could be cured.”

“I cured myself,” Raphael snapped. “But did you bother to ask ‘everyone’ about this? It isn’t a scheme to get rid of Leo, so you can have me in your bed?” Raphael hissed, his eyes flashing.

Don seemed bewildered and said, “What are you talking about?”

“Yer not over our ‘breakup’,” Raphael said, rolling his eyes and using his fingers to make a sign of quotation marks. “I know it!”

“Why are you making fun of it? It took me months to recover from it!” Don retorted, indignant.

“Stop bullshitting me. It didn’t take ya a week to use Mikey as a rebound! I didn’t mind at the time and I still don’t. Ya should have stayed with him! I won’t take ya back. It was a mistake, Don!”

“I still don’t understand what I did wrong then!” Don hissed. “But maybe I’d have been less upset if you’d been honest with me.”

It was Raphael’s turn to be puzzled. “Ya still think ya did something wrong? Ya never figured out the truth?”

“No!” the genius yelled, riled up now. “I never did and drove myself crazy trying to understand it!”

“Then ya genuinely helped with the marriage project to please Leo and to give me the leadership position and not as payback for what I did to ya?”

“I already told you! Yes. I did briefly wonder about the fact that maybe if the object of your hate wasn’t there anymore, you could consider it again. You have so many negative emotions about Leo and you focus on them so much that you don’t have enough energy to feel softer emotions! You only think about how much you hate Leo and you don’t have enough freedom to love.”

Raphael looked at him incredulously. “That’s yer theory, Donnie? But yer the worst fucking psychoanalyst in the world!” he exclaimed and threw his arms above his head. He laughed mirthlessly and continued coldly, “Even Mikey guessed. And to say that you and Leo are supposed to be the rational ones. I left ya, because I wasn’t in love with ya. Yes. I love ya as my bro, but I couldn’t love ya as my lover, because I loved someone else!”

“I know, it’s Casey.” Don, replied, folding his arms.

Raphael narrowed his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. “Are ya really supposed to be in charge of our health and safety? Because I feel concerned now about yer so-called big brain.”

“Stop making fun of me, Raphael. Enough!”

“Yer right. I should have told you before….” Raphael took a deep breath and said, “I’m in love with Leo. I’ve loved him romantically for years. I remember everything and I wanted everything I did when I was out of it. So I’m anything but happy he’s leaving.”

Donnie looked at him in surprise, his eyes wide open. Then sudden understanding registered in his eyes. He smacked his forehead with his hand and almost excited by the revelation said, “But of course! I don’t understand why I put aside some data that could fit this theory. And that partly explains the adoration you had for him when your functioning was primitive.”

Raphael roared and said, “That’s not a theory, Genius. I love him and I don’t get why you’re so happy about it all of a sudden! Anyway, you’ll give me all the information you have about the arrangement between Shredder and him. There must be a way of breaking it.”

Don took a moment, rubbing his forehead.

“I'm happy because, now that I know your reason, I'm not that upset. I drove myself crazy with theories and... Anyway," he continued, noticing by Raph's expression that it wasn't his main concern. "Hmm. I don’t know all the details. I told you what Splinter told me. I discovered drugs and Shedder’s medical chart in Stockman’s lab, however. He has a rare degenerative disease and he’s even worse than he claimed. Megalomaniacs like him are tormented by the idea of not having an heir, like Napoleon or Caesar. He apparently doesn’t want Karai herself. Her purpose is to carry a grandson. Leo is a good parent as a human. He’s healthy, young and has irreproachable life habits. Also, he’ll be able to maintain the Foot and to generate the respect that Karai seems incapable of. So the only solution for me is for Oroku Saki to die by Saturday. Assuming Karai or Leo refuses, he may seek revenge.”

“Why’s that so problematic? We’ve always fought against the Foot Clan! We’ll fight them again!”

“That’s not the only thing that worries me. We’ve been fooled, Raph. I’m missing part of your medical file.”

“So what? I’m fucking fine!”

“Are you that stupid? And you tell me I lack I insight! They’re hiding something if they didn’t give me everything! That’s why I have to examine you. I’m afraid you’re a Trojan horse, Raph! You have a threat inside of you somewhere that’ll be triggered if Leo doesn’t keep his promise.”

Leo came out of his stupor when he realized that Karai was begging for him to stop. She’d probably been doing that for a while. Although it seemed extremely difficult, the fog of lubricity that’d blinded him for a long time was beginning to fade. He pulled out of Karai’s exhausted body and hastened to apologize. His cock was too big for his partner’s human anatomy. She’d exclaimed in amazement. Then she’d writhed in pain and screamed in pleasure.  It ended when she implored him to stop. Karai accepted his apology with a small understanding smile. Now that his mind was a little clearer, the horror and complexity of the situation appeared to him again.

He’d promised Raphael that he’d do something to break his engagement. And Leo hadn’t succeeded. He’d only sunk deeper. But he couldn’t think of any plan to escape from it. Raphael wouldn’t see things the same way and would be furious. Leo couldn’t face him for another five days, because he didn’t want to see the pain of betrayal darken the green eyes he’d learned to love.

Leo hadn’t felt the satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment he’d felt with Raphael, despite the drugs and Karai’s efforts. He didn’t need to take Karai in his arms and sleep with her curled up on him to pursue some communion they’d shared. It’d just been sex. Pure and simple. And without the drugs in his system and even with the urgency of the situation, he wouldn’t have been able to get that far.

The leader didn't want to stay in Raphael's presence for too long because he feared that his lover would notice the regret that Leo had to leave him. Raphael was a drastic turtle. He could solve the problem with a well-placed sai and everything would be tenfold worse. But it was also repugnant to him that Raphael thought he was playing with him. Which solution was the least damaging?

“Do you think we can leave for Japan sooner? How about tonight?” Leo asked.

Karai frowned, as she stood up to put on her discarded gear.

“Hmm. I don’t know. It depends on my two fathers, especially Shredder. Yours wants to spend time with me and mine wants me to also have a lot of medical tests today. He also needs to analyze your DNA. Stockman has to send all of your genetic information to Japan for adjustments. I’ll probably be gone all day. I can always ask for a flight tonight if it fits in with his plans. You mustn’t be seen in your mutant form and the formula won’t be ready. You gave a sample today. Adapting it to your genetic code will take up to forty-eight hours. Why are you looking forward to leaving? Did you like what we did?”

Karai had already endured so much suffering and Leo didn’t want to further torment her by insulting her.

“Yes, but doing it legitimately without hiding would be better, right?”

She didn’t answer and her face showed she didn’t buy it.

Karai was so sore; she struggled to walk, so he scooped her up in his arms and headed back to the lair, his heart aching with a dreadful apprehension about the welcome he’d receive.

Raphael cut short his discussion with Don, which lasted for more than three hours, when he heard noises emanating from the entrance. He hurriedly got up.

“See ya later, Don. Be ready,” Raphael said and exited the lab.

Jealously immediately struck Raphael like a missile when he saw them. His extreme possessiveness couldn’t tolerate the idea of Leo helping Karai walk. The proximity of their bodies and the disgusting smell of sex that emanated from them awoke the beast in him and he nearly spoilt everything. He closed his eyes, quickly counted to ten and reopened them. He realized that Leo’s movements were staggered and that his pupils were dilated. Leo had obviously been drugged. Raphael knew enough about the indicators of an intoxicated person. He smirked at Karai She must have drugged Leo, so she could achieve her goals, her charms being insufficient. Besides, she seemed to have spent a quarter of an hour. Leo was perhaps bestial if he wasn’t himself and was drugged? Raphael sighed. He didn’t want Leo in this state for his plan, but time wasn’t a resource they had.

The first step in Raphael’s plan was to keep everyone away from the lair, apart from Donnie, himself and Leo. Then he’d make Leo spill the beans. And finally, he’d put Leo offside.

But the most important was that Leo, an excellent observer, master in concealing his thoughts, didn’t suspect anything.

Raphael squared his shoulders and displayed his usual attitude of the last five years to Leo, which was disdain and apparent animosity.

“Ya didn’t have to come back, you know, Leo!” Raphael said. “We were doing fine without you!” Leo stopped walking and looked stunned. To make his feelings more transparent, Raphael added, “Yer princess didn’t look ravished, but she should be proud! Fucking a mutant was missing in her hall of achievements. Ah! Unless she had her daddy’s employees! I think that a chastity device would be much more useful for ya rather than a toaster you’ll surely break, because she’s a notorious whore!”

Despite Karai’s soothing gesture, Leo unsheathed his katanas, his face darkened in anger, pissed off by Raphael’s comments.

“Raphael,” Leo said icily. “I warned you that I’d answer you with my katanas if you bad mouthed Karai again. Dojo now!”

Raphael shrugged his shoulders and followed Leo, hoping that Donnie would be able to manage Phase 1.

In the dojo, Leo used of all of his faculties to stay focussed. He still didn’t feel fully like himself, the drug still present in his bloodstream, even if the effect had gone. He felt worse than he’d been with Splinter’s tea. He hadn’t slept and had been extremely energetic the last few hours. The fatigue was slowing him down, despite his determination to fight for almost 20 minutes in the dojo. Moreover, a thought haunted him. Why did Raphael seem so indifferent? Yes. He’d expected anger and jealousy, but not his coldness. Raphael had badmouthed Karai, but without sounding like he was really jealous. He despised her, but not as a potential Raphael for Leo’s heart. Only for herself.

Leo continued looking for the missing piece of the puzzle, as he cautiously circled an arrogant and self-confident Raphael. Why this change? Raphael had groaned in pleasure and satisfaction in his arms just six hours earlier. Had he lost his memory? Had Raphael regained his senses? Leo was so distracted that he found himself lying on the mat and didn’t know how that had happened.

“Old Fearless is daydreaming, huh?” Raphael said. “Maybe about yer sweetheart? I’ll remind ya of the reality.”

Using all of his weight to immobilize the lighter turtle, Raphael used his sai to pin Leo’s wrists to the ground. Then he bent down, his face just two inches from Leo’s.

“Raph! It’s good. You won! Let me up!”

“That’s all you can do in your quest to defend her honor and her reputation?” Raphael mocked.

“Raphael,” Leo growled threateningly. “Let me up. That’s an order!”

“Ya can’t order me shit! I make the rules and I’ll let ya up when yer finished playing my game. I promise. I won’t move if you don’t listen to me and yer arrogant ass will stay pinned to the mat.”

Raphael was the worst pig head in the world. Leo knew very well that it wasn’t an empty threat.

“What do you want, Raph?” Leo said, caving in.

“I want to know everything. What Shredder and Karai told ya to begin with.”

"What does it matter to you?"

“Don believes they’ve hidden data about my health. Do ya know something?”

It was indeed true that Raphael deserved to know.  Leo gave in again.

“Raph, you know I’d never have hidden such information if I’d known about it. Karai just told me that there was a way of making you act like a wild beast again, but worse. You’d destroy us, as well as yourself if I didn’t keep my promise,” Leo admitted softly. “She told me and some things about her past a few hours ago after I left you.”

“Tell me everything!” Raphael urged, putting more of his weight onto Leo.

“These are very personal aspects of Karai’s life. I can’t betray her trust and I don’t want you to use her information to hurt her or to attempt to dissuade anyone either! I don’t have any choice, if…..” Leo began.

“I promise not to tell Karai about it and I won’t try to dissuade anyone either,” Raphael vowed and Leo cracked again.

He told Raphael everything Karai had told him.

"You understand, Raph,” Leo said. “Although it doesn't seem to affect you anymore, I don't have a choice.”

Raphael was silent for a moment. Then he asked one last question. “What would ya do if ya could choose? Tell me the truth.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Leo said, turning his head to look anywhere but at Raphael’s burning eyes.

“Would ya accept it if I offer ya one last night with me? I’ll promise to leave ya and Karai in peace in exchange for those few hours.”

Leo blushed under Raphael, embarrassed as he felt the warmth of the turtle’s body above him.

"The only thing I'll ask ya, Leo, is that you’ll never remove the bracelet whatever the reason.”

“Never,” Leo promised solemnly.

Raphael freed Leo and left the dojo, holding his hand. His eyes scanned the room, looking for what he was searching. He finally found the pinned note.

'Sensei went with Karai for the day. Splinter must speak with Oroku Saki and Karai must have quick tests and sleep. Back around 20h. Mikey and I went to Leatherhead’s place.'

Raphael hid his smile and turned to his brother. “We’re alone. So, Fearless, for my non-intervention in yer decision, I ask that you’ll do everything I tell you for the next five hours. It’s my game and it’s my only chance to boss ya around!” he tried to joke. “Ya can’t leave my room for five hours whatever the reason is.”

Leo flabbergasted and said, “So in exchange for sexual games with me, you’ll give up all hope of making me change my mind?”

“Yeah!” Raphael lied easily and plastered a fake smile on his face.

"But…"

“Rule number one: Ya can answer my question. Always the truth. The only other thing ya can say freely’s my name and how I give ya pleasure. I want ya to leave your Fearless leader mask at the door, to be completely abandoned in my arms and I want ya to cry out yer pleasure.”

Leo nodded, frowning. His body wanted to accept, aroused by the toxic product in his bloodstream, but his heart was shattered, because Raphael was ready to forget him and to give up on him if they could have sex.

Raphael gently ordered Leo in his bedroom, “Take off yer gear. Slowly.”

Leo obeyed and Raphael asked him to follow him into the shower, where he washed the leader with the worship of a believer in front of a saint, but Leo always tried to understand. Raphael’s behavior seemed erratic to him. Don had always decreed that he was bipolar, but the shift from aggression to tenderness so quickly disconcerted Leo. Raphael dragged Leo to Leo’s futon after the shower.

Leo was curious and said, “Why do you have my futon in your room. You sleep in your hammock!”

Raphael then cruelly pinched Leo and growled, “No questions.”

Seeing that Leo was still thinking, Raphael emphasized his caresses more and sighed.

“Can ya trust me for a few hours and let yerself go? You will never have to deal with me again after that. I’m just asking ta be yer only focus of attention for a few hours.”

Leo nodded again. Raphael had turned on the light and had spent a lot of time stroking him. It must be an hour after their shower and they were still only caresses, which were more sentimental than sensual. What particularly unnerved Leo was the way Raphael seemed to study him from each angle, as if he wanted to imprint Leo in his mind and memory forever. Raphael asked a question, which further accredited that theory.

“Ya have a scar behind the neck I never noticed before. Tell me its story.”

With good will, but soberly, Leo answered every question about all of his scars. Then he uttered an exclamation when Raphael placed him onto his plastron, so he could tenderly caress Leo’s shell. He took the opportunity to check the time. It was exactly two and a half hours since Leo had come in and they hadn’t even gotten to foreplay.

Raphael must have realized Leo was thinking that, because he said, “I’ve never taken enough time to look at and to touch ya. I’m fixing that oversight. Now tell me about yerself. Tell me things about ya that I don’t know.”

Hesitant, not knowing what to say or his brother’s expectations, Leo told a few anecdotes.

“Will ya miss me in Japan?”

Leo replied sincerely, “More than anything.”

Raphael sighed resignedly and caressed him more suggestively, not having to wait long before Leo’s body enthusiastically responded.

Two and a half hours later, a satisfied and sated Leo soundly slept, as a resolved Raphael tenderly watched him. He turned around and grabbed his sais.


	17. The cyanide pills

After giving his lover a last kiss, Raphael quietly slipped out of his room and locked the door from the outside, because the electronic lock on his door hadn’t been removed. That was why he’d had chosen his room. The prisoner, even if he woke up, couldn't interfere.

 He went to join Donnie, who’d never left his lab since only Mikey had been sent with a list of tasks that were useless, but designed to take time.

“So, is everything ready? I gave you five hours, like we agreed. We have to hurry before Mikey comes back.”

Donnie sighed and looked up from a blueprint on his desk.

“Were you always resolved to do it? Do you know that the failure rate is very high?  That if we go out our chance of survival will be about ten percent.”

“No. Failure isn’t allowed! Firstly of all, we won’t t really go out and ya will stay hidden and safe. So ya don’t risk anything. We have plans B, C, and D if plan A fails. Even Fearless doesn’t think as far as a plan D.”

“You know that I don't like plans B, C, and D!"

“So we just have to do everything to ensure plan A works. Have you finished the medicine I asked ya to make?”

“Yes. It’s in this container and his name is on it, identical to the others.”

"And what about my belt of explosives? The damage radius is exactly how wide?" Raphael asked.

 The word ‘explosive’ shook Donnie and he made a last attempt to prevent Raphael from doing what he was about to do.

 “Raph, is it so bad if Leo leaves with Karai? I mean, I do understand you like him a lot, but Leo’s not going to his death. Try to be objective. He’ll be human, a father, and will live part of the year in Japan, a country that fascinates him and he’ll have Karai, whom, although you hate her is a pretty woman, who shares some similarities with Leo. He has the brightest future out of all of us. I believe that Leo would prefer this fate to your sacrifice a thousand fold if he were consulted.

“And that’s why I didn’t consult him, besides I’m not thinking about him, but about all of ya. Let’s say that Shredder, who’s not the most honorable guy in the world, doesn’t keep his promise and triggers I don’t know what in me all the same?” Raphael tried to reason. “I don’t want to be a danger to ya, Mikey and Sensei, because Leo confirmed what we're all afraid of. Ya were right. There’s a threat in me. We can’t live like this, so I repeat the plans A, B, C, and D.”

 Raphael took a long breath, filling his lungs, enjoying the feeling while he still could, before reminding his brother about the plan.

 “Plan A is when I slip with ya into the sewers. Then I run through the ventilation ducts, which ya think are large enough for me to go through. Plan B will happen if that’s not the case. You get Sensei out of there just in case. You’ll talk via headphones and will lead me to Stockman’s lab. I’ll switch Shredder’s usual tablets with your cyanide ones. I’ll try to find information about me if I have time, otherwise, I’ll return the same way.”

 Don nodded, but clenched his fists, his eyes filled with tears, as he listened to Raphael.

 “If we use plan B and I’m discovered, I’ll trigger the explosives I’m wearing and BOOM!” Raphael didn’t stop there, now talking faster to prevent Don from opposing his plan.

“Plan C is when they trigger what’s inside me before I can react. You’ll press your detonator to blow me up. Plan D is when they’ve managed to defuse my bomb. You’ll shoot me on sight. Capiche?”

“You know that Sensei and Leo don’t approve of guns!” Don exploded, quivering at the idea to press the trigger to shot dead his own brother.

 Raphael frowned. He knew all of it was hard for the genius, but he didn't need a cracking Donatello. He needed his help, and could afford that Donnie back off.

 "Hey, Don! Did they ask my approval about the stupid agreement? Mikey knows his part, right? Because we’ll go directly to the plan you don’t like without it!”

“Yes. I warned him to call Stockman to tell him that he was nominated for the Benjamin Franklin Medal," Donnie replied with great reluctance. "And I challenged him to keep him on the phone for about thirty minutes. He finds it hilarious and he’ll try to beat my challenge. I told him to do it at a safe distance from LH and the lair. He must call him at twelve forty-five. So you’ll have from twelve forty-five to one fifteen to change the drugs and search the lab. Maybe Stockman won’t be in his lab and will eat at the cafeteria at twelve forty-five and you’ll have more time. I’m going to text Master Splinter to return around twelve thirty, because Leo claims him and seems sick and if possible with Karai. We can’t insist on his presence, because it’ll look suspicious. So, yes. Everything should be in place for your stupid suicide mission,” he snarled.

"Perfect. Install it and explain it to me. All of this will be fine, Don. We got over this. Ya know like me, that it's the only solution!"

 Once that was done, Donnie asked him if he wanted to follow the Japanese kamikaze's ceremonial before leaving, in case Plan A didn’t work.

 Raphael shrugged, as he adjusted the belt.

 “It’s not the time for that shit, but ya’ll tell Leo I did it, okay? That’ll reassure him a bit. Let’s go. Don’t forget the shotgun."

They set off. Don was tormented and Raphael was serene. He was mentally replaying his last moments with Leo. He hadn’t washed before he left, because he wanted to keep Leo’s scent and taste on him until the end. A permanent reminder of why he was doing this. There was no reason for his lover to reject him for his rival if he succeeded. Leo would be free to do what he wanted if he failed and he, Raphael, wouldn’t be there to suffer and wouldn’t be a threat to anyone. It was a win-win situation for everyone, because despite what Donnie claimed, Raphael couldn’t stand the idea of Leo in Japan, who’d be human and now out of each other’s reach, after tasting the pleasure of being with him.  Raphael the mutant turtle would have more opportunity than with Mikey and Don. He suspected that Mikey was crazy about Don and had only broken up with him, because he was suffering from merely being a rebound thing. Donnie could be happy with Mikey. Raphael would have his nostalgia to keep him warm and would grow old alone. Then a thought hit him. What would become of Leo if he died and if Leo broke up with Karai?

 Suddenly worried that he hadn’t thought about, Raphael asked, “Donnie? I have something to ask ya….”

 Donnie mistaking his brother’s trembling tone eagerly said, “What? Have you changed your mind?”

 “No, but something’s bothering me. What’ll happen to Fearless if I don’t return?” Raphael asked with concern. “I’ll come back. Don’t worry. Why did ya sleep with Leo when I wasn’t myself? Do you lust after him? You can tell me. I’ll be sad for Mikey, but I’ll be reassured that someone will be alive to love and care for him.”

Don sighed and said, “I was jealous of the attention you gave to Leo, so by hogging him….Why do you say it hurts Mikey?”

 Raphael placed a hand on Donnie's shoulder to comfort him. Don needed a glimpse of hope to endure the next hour.

 “He’s crazy about yer shell, Don. Ya would have realized if ya hadn’t been so busy trying to make me jealous when ya were with him. Mikey’s a perfect partner for ya. He’s funny and you’re serious. He can sometimes distract ya from yer work to rest yer mind and I'm perfect for Leo. I’m the only one, who can get Leo to let down his walls.”

Donnie was silent. Then his face lit up and he said, “That’s true, Raph and I blame myself for not noticing it earlier. I think part of me already realized that and that’s why I wasn’t destroyed by your revelation of your passion for Leo. Too bad we had to be in this situation for me to understand that.”

“Don’t blame yerself. We wouldn’t be in this mess if I’d had the balls to confess to Leo from the beginning. But it does worry me. What’ll happen to Fearless?”

“I should take advantage of this fear to dissuade you, but I won't do it. No matter what happens, I swear to take care of Leo. Mikey also loves our big brother. Leo will be the best he can be. I promise.”

“Thanks, Don,” Raphael said quietly. A shiver suddenly coursed through him at the idea of maybe never seeing Leo or any of his brothers again. But it had to be done and only he could accomplish it. “Now that we’re clear about the last point, let’s focus on the mission,” Raphael stated firmly.

 They walked in silence for nearly 30 minutes until they reached a specific manhole.

 "Here we are and here’s the risky part. You have to go out, avoid being seen and slip into the aeration content at the place I showed you on the blueprint. I have to text Sensei before, so that he’ll evacuate Shredder's lair. Then we have to wait ten minutes, so that he’s out of it and out of the explosion area if you’re immediately discovered.”

 Donnie typed his text-message to their Sensei, telling him to return to the lair.

Less than a minute later, the very predictable response of their Master arrived, indicating that he was leaving as quickly as possible to join their brother.

 Donatello bit his lip. Now they had no choice. They must go forward. He knew that Raphael wouldn't back out of it.

 “The countdown’s started. Your mission must be completed before Splinter discovers that Leo is sleeping peacefully or is awake and a prisoner in your room. They’re both smart enough to quickly do the math. Plus, if Mikey’s also arrived, they’ll come to a conclusion much faster. Master Splinter should be at the lair in forty-five minutes. You have thirty-five minutes to get to the lab, do the exchange and return with the ten minutes of waiting. If Splinter writes to me by then, I’ll tell him that we’re preparing a surprise for him and Leo. That’ll stop him worrying for a few minutes…”

“Too bad about the ten minutes delay. I can’t wait. I won't be seen."

 Raphael nimbly snuck out of the pipes, ready to kill any Foot soldiers on sight. What was difficult was that Donnie had to follow him to screw the ventilation hatch shut behind him, so the villains wouldn’t be alerted. Donnie had to screw it to two ends in four, so that Raphael could easily open it with a punch and return the same way he’d come. The genius then had to return to the sewers at a distance of 200 meters. Underground and at this distance, the explosion wouldn’t be hazardous for him. Donnie had enabled the bomb, so that no one passing the hideout was technically hurt.

 Raphael and Don speedily set up the first part of the plan and twelve minutes later, thanks to Donnie’s voice prompts, which followed with a plan, Raphael found himself above the lab. Images of his torture and torment flashed in his mind, but he shoved them to the back of his mind. There was no time for it. He had act quickly, fearing that Leo would understand everything and would bring back his mother-hen ass to Shredder. He jumped quickly after having lifted the gate with a push of his feet. Don had made him a magnet, so that the grid would hold after his departure. Being above Stockman, he wouldn’t think of closely watching him.

 Without wasting time, Raphael picked up Shredder’s pill container and replaced the pills with the sixty identical cyanide tablets. Leo would disapprove of this dishonorable way of doing things, but Raphael was over honor. He quickly searched around him. An open file on Stockman's desk caught his attention. He noticed that it was Karai's.

 Out of instinct, his eyes focused on what had hurriedly been written in red ink.

  _Taken a blood sample and analyzed with my new ultra-performant machine. Unexpected pregnancy dating back from eight to ten hours. Father presumed: the mutant turtle named Leonardo. Must run other tests to be sure in 48 hours. Expect order of Oroku Saki concerning the embryo."_

 


	18. The Gambit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta

Raph stifled a curse. This was an obstacle he had not foreseen in his plan so well prepared. Donnie and he had not thought much about Karai's fate. Although she was the biological daughter of their Sensei, neither Don nor Raph considered her as a sister. She herself seemed reluctant to see them as her family, attaching only importance to Leo. She would be a collateral damage if an explosion became necessary, just like Raphael himself. He was ready at many ends to keep Leonardo, but that was the line he could not cross. He couldn't kill Leo’s child mother. He cursed internally. He opened his microphone  
  
“Don, I switched the pills, but there's been a change and now I have to get Karai out of here, too." he explained in an urgent tone.”Where do ya think she can be right now?”  
  
“Are you crazy? It is already miraculous that you have succeeded.” Don yelled in the microphone. “Getting Karai out of there will take you time that we don’t have and will increase by 200% the chances that you will be discovered! Then bye bye Karai anyway!”  
  
“Whatever, genius. Where do ya think her apartments are?” Raph interrupted sharply.  
  
“Even if I knew it, I would not tell you. Anyway, she can be with Oroku Saki himself right now! It's worse than suicide, it's stupid. I'll tell Leo and Master Splinter that you did your best, Raph, I swear to you.”

Raph took a breath. Indeed, he could just shut up about this fact. Nobody would ever know. But he would and his conscience will torture him. 

“She's pregnant ... from Leo. It's written in her files. I’m looking at it right now!” he said, flatly.

There was a silence for a moment then, Donnie hesitated:

“I ... I won’t tell anyone. This will be our secret.”

He knew that Donatello was sincere and he was a brief instant, tempted. But, he got over himself.

“I don’t want such a secret on the conscience! I won't ever be able to look Fearless in the eye again!  
  
“If you try this, the chances that she and you come out alive are almost inexistent!” Donnie shouted, distressed.  
  
“I know it, Donnie,” he sighed.”But it's Leo's child.”  
  
“You know that if you succeed ... Leo will remain with Karai by parental obligation,” Donatello said, trying to coax him to forget about the kunoichi.”He is not the type to deny his responsibilities. So, trying to save Karai, whether you're coming out alive or not, means losing Leo!”

Raph was now shaking out of stress. All that Donatello was saying was true, but still, he knew that it was the wrong thing to do. 

“I know all that shit. Tell me where the fuck is she?”, he kept insisting.

Raphael heard Donnie cursing as he never had.

“According to my plans, the second floor is empty.” he wailed.”So the Shredder and Karai apartments should be, I think, pretty close to each other. It's too risky, Raph. You don' have …”

“Good. Yer now going back home. The longer we are away, the more Leo and Splinter's suspicions will increase. I don’t wanna take the risk that they go back here and that I make everything explode at the wrong time. Now I leave my headphones. Thanks, Donnie, for yer help ... and sorry for the pain I carelessly gave ya. We see each other at home or on the other side.”  
  
In spite of Donatello's pleas, Raphael closed the communication to crawl more efficiently in the ventilation ducts.  
  
Donnie didn’t know what to do. Calling his family for help was as risky as it was useless. Certainly, Leonardo alone could perhaps convince Raph to give up, but by the time he arrives he will surely be too late and that would expose Leo in vain to danger, which Raphael's shadow would never forgive him. He should have found the words to stop Raphael in this madness from the start. What good was it to be so intelligent if he could not even convince his brother not to commit such an insane action? In tears, after balancing five minutes about what to do, Don ran down to the lair.  
  
Raph had an excellent sense of smell by its animal part. He quickly felt the sweet smell of orchid and vanilla characteristic of Karai and was guided by it. He found her, lying on a bed, crying.

"Stop crying and take a grip”, he said without a greeting neither an explanation. She didn't need courtesy. She had already too much fucked up his life for that “We must go from here, now!”

The amber eyes stared at him with disbelief through their tears.  
  
“What are you doing here? Do you know how dangerous it is?” she hissed, still combative” despite her obvious despair. “Why are you there? You hate me because I took your boyfriend.”

It was indeed a damn good question.

“Nevermind! Move, I give ya a leg up!”

To his annoyance, Karai didn't seem so hasty to leave.

“Raphael. What do you have around you?” she asked, at it was important in this such a crisis. Nevermind, he was too stressed out to lie or front.  
  
“A belt of explosives in case it goes wrong. Come!” Raph urged.

But this bitch was determined to make his life a hell from day one. 

“Do you know that I'm pregnant? From a mutant? Stockman is certain ... he has developed a machine that detects the temperature to know if there was from your brother. It is too early to know what exactly it will be, but I don’t want it and the Shredder would try to force me to keep it,” she replied with despair.

Raph wasn’t there to have a pro-life speech.

“Listen, I don’t care and that will be yer decision and ya will deal with Leo, then. I am here for him. I came to kill the Shredder to get rid of ya in our life so move yer skinny ass …”

But Karai was acting as she didn’t even bother to listen. 

"Do you know that he lied to me? He has already sold Shini. He said that…" she frantically tried to explain.  
  
“We must go!” he yelled. “Keep that shit for Dr. Phill, would ya?” he snapped.

Then Karai’s eyes acknowledged him really for the first time, it seems.

“Can this belt be triggered by electromagnetic waves?” she inquired with interested.

“I don’t know. Why?” he said taken aback by the question and a little worried. He didn’t know shit about electromagnetics. It was Donnie’s job.  
  
“I agree to follow you but on one condition.” she replied in a frenzy.” The Shredder hides all records of his transactions in a vault. As well as his weapons, his money, memories of my mother, etc. I have the code to enter. But, there is a protective field. I will show you where the vault is. I agree to leave only if you go there to look for something that belongs to me. I'll go through the ducts like you. I will return to your lair while you take what I tell you. By cons, I will wear your belt, so that it does not trigger.”

“Fuck no!” Raph exclaimed.” If I'm discovered, I won’t have anything to blow up the place and me with. I don’t wanna  be a danger to my family.”  
  
“You have nothing to fear,” she sighed. “I lied to your brother and you didn’t have anything dangerous in you. The Shredder forced me to lie to make sure Leonardo feel forced. What I'm asking you to do for me is risky.” she pleaded. “But the important thing is that I survive, no? So, I’ll take the easy way. I need to know where Shini is. If you agree to go, I promise you that I’ll disappear. I won’t say anything to Leo about my pregnancy and I will go back to Asia, breaking the engagement and you'll have Leo alone. He won’t blame you for anything and will be yours. But, I want to know where my friend is.”  
  
“Well”, Raphael ceded to avoid to lose more time, “how to get there and what does this thing look like?”

 

At about the same time, a Donatello panicked arrived at the lair. Everything was so calm that, in his alarm, he thought that everyone had left and was now in danger of death. He went to the door of Leo's room and with a stunned relief, he realized that the door was still locked. He tapped the code, trembling, and found that Leo was still sleeping, blissfully unconscious.  
  
It will not last because, awakened by his sixth sense, the leader woke up suddenly.  
  
“Donnie? What is going on ?” he asked, frowning recognizing the genius.

“I’m so sorry!” Don blurted. “I should have stopped him! But you know when he decided something, he's very stubborn!”  
  
“Of who are you talking about?” Leonardo asked, but the hint of anguish in his voice showed that he already knew who it was talking about.  
  
“Raphael ....”  
  
The only name of his brother, in such a perilous situation, wrenched frantic sobs from Donatello.  
  
Leo's first thought was that it had a connection between the relationship of his two younger brothers. But the disproportionate panic of Donatello quickly dismissed this hypothesis.  
  
“Please Donnie, you have to calm down and explain to me what's going on!” Leo urged.  
  
With difficulty, Don told the story of events since this morning, in front of a darkening Leonardo. When he was done, Leo got up promptly.  
  
“I must go and stop this madness before it's too late. You and Mikey will stay here with Master Splinter. No need to expose yourself. The situation doesn’t concern you directly.”  
  
“Not directly? What are you talking about? I don’t want to lose another brother!” Don cried.  
  
“Do it for Mikey, alright? You must keep him ignorant and safe.”  
  
Don nodded, still crying, then lifted his head quickly.  
  
“Where  is Michelangelo?”  
  
"I have no idea, Donnie. While you put yourself in danger, I was sleeping," Leo replied gloomy and upset. "What an excellent chef and big brother I do! I should have guessed that Raph was hiding something ... his behavior was strange!” he replied, distressed.

He has been too busy with his hormones, too horny to realize that Raphael was making him a definitive farewell.

“Leo. It is useless to feel guilty. I will quickly contact Mikey. He must stay far from the radius, too…”

Donatello typed Mikey number but he threw away his phone after his second attempt. Mikey wasn’t answering.

Leo put a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Donnie, we can’t lose time!”You go west to LH and find Mikey, and I go east to find Raphael.”  
  
Donnie nodded frantically. The thought of his little brother in danger made him even more sick of anxiety. Everyone then left on his side, both agree to leave their Sensei in the dark.  
  
Leo didn’t have to run very long for a huge "Boom" to sound in the sewers. Accelerating as much as his body could, he ran to lose his breath for five minutes when he fell backward when he hit hard another turtle from the opposite direction.  
  
He stood up with a groan of pain and didn’t believe his eyes when he recognized the turtle in front of him.  
  
“Mikey?”  
  
The youngest of the family lifted his blue eyes misted with tears:  
  
“Leo ... Raph is dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget filling your voting ballot: 
> 
> https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf0vQ6c08CgWfYe7t7M2s-0mUDxP0LY-admtDUGyF1r40Z9jA/viewform


	19. The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta.

Leo's heart stopped beating at this news. Mikey, in front of the paralyzed eldest, continued, hysterical:   
  
“They did that behind our backs, you know? I suspected they were hiding something. I played my part, but…” he explained, already trying to justify himself.

But Leo didn’t leave him any time.

“Mikey ... are you sure from what you're telling me? Did you see ... his body?” he urged, distressed.

  
”No!” Mikey shouted, but he didn’t leave time either to Leo to calm down about this statement. “Let me finish ... I went to Donnie's lab. I thought maybe to surprise them ... together, you know? And I was jealous! I know that Raphael is crazy about you, but with the current situation... In short, there was nobody. But, I found plans ... for a belt of explosives ... and also the rest. Donnie is usually crazy about keeping a diary of what he's doing or putting our discussions and thoughts on paper. When I read, I ran. I didn’t know if you were still sleeping, and I didn’t have time to check. I went to a point where I found Donnie's gun and microphone, but not Donnie. I wanted to call him, but I realized that I had forgotten my T-Phone. And then, I heard the sound of an explosion. You know that means only one thing, Leo: Raph blew himself up to bring down The Shredder with him!” he cried.

Even if the news was terrible and there were little hopes left, Leo tried to stay calm.

“Mikey ... there may still be hope, we don’t know what could have happened. Raph may have left his explosive belt or, or ... Go join Donnie!”   
  
Immediately, Michelangelo prevented Leo to pass, clutching him.

“No, Leo, don’t go ... admitting that Raph didn’t have the belt on him, the rubble of the explosion had to crush him ... and admitting that he is only wounded ... humans would find him and capture him! You can’t go! I don,t want to lose another of my bros!”

Leo attempted to broke free, pressing his brother to let him go. All of this was already a nightmare. He could have a meltdown, now. Raph was counting on him, from somewhere. 

“Mikey, assuming that Raph is dead, I refuse to leave his body there where he will be dissected. I will bring him back and we will make him the appropriate funeral surrounded by those he loved. Go back home, Mikey. Find Donnie and turn on your T-phone. I have mine. If I need help, to drag Raph or whatever, I'll call you.”   
  
Mikey hesitated a moment longer and then ran back to the den. Leonardo remained alone, finally giving vent to his anguish and sorrow. Indeed, the chances of survival of Raphael were few, not to say almost nonexistent. But Leonardo refused to let despair annihilate him until he had put the body of his brother and lover in safety. He ran for about ten minutes to the manhole closest to Shredder's lair. How Raph and Donnie had dared to go out in broad daylight frightened him in retrospect. He tried unsuccessfully to lift the metal plate, but debris had to stop him, and many human voices came from just above him ... He had to find another way.   
  
_ About 45 minutes earlier -Raph- _ _   
_ _   
_ Raphael had followed all of Karai's instructions. He must have entered Shredder's room, which was communicating with Karai's, and passed a secret passage that descended deeper and deeper underground. He was sure he was not even under the den as such, but a good street corner away. He hadn’t crossed a living soul and began to question himself. The path he was taking did not seem to lead to a vault but was more like an emergency exit. Had he followed the directions incorrectly? Moreover, Karai had claimed that this mission was too dangerous for her to do it herself, whereas Raph had not seen the shadow of a Foot warrior. He had been walking for nearly a quarter of an hour and was thinking of turning back, to the hell with  Karai’s demands, when the sound of a detonation was heard.   
  
_ Present time-Leo _ _   
_   
Frenetically, Leo was looking for a way out. Naturally, the explosion had attracted heaps of curious and even worse police officers as well as journalists with their television crew. If he went out and was spotted, his whole family would be in danger. He could not go out in the afternoon with such a crowd, in spite of his devouring desire to find Raph and fiercely kiss him or in the worse scenario, find Raphael's corpse and cry over him. If a stranger saw him coming out of the sewers, the sun would not go down without his father and two younger brothers being captured. Frustrated, Leo thumped his fist furiously against the wall.   
  
_ Present time-Raph _ __   
  
Raphael first thought of going back, at the sound of the explosion, to help the survivors if there were any. But the two halves of his being opposed this idea. The rational telling him that probably the entrance he had used was destroyed by the debris and he could not even get out. The animal part told him that anyway, the victims were only criminals, Karai being dead obviously. It was impossible for her to survive, carrying the explosives. Suddenly, a statement appeared: Karai had deliberately taken the explosives and lured  Raphael away. She had invented this secret vault story and a fake motive for wearing the kamikaze belt. 

Raphael had been fooled as a child... As soon as the word "child" was in his mind, a shudder ran through him. The future mother had sacrificed herself and Leo's embryo, taking all threats with her, in order to leave him to Raph. Nausea took him. What coward was he? How to explain to his brothers, to Leo, to Sensei, that he had let Karai rob him of the "honor" of the sacrifice? That he had dragged her into this suicide mission, leaving her in danger, and running away? No one would ever believe that he had sincerely believed in the girl's shrieks. Lost in his thoughts, he arrived at an elevator that went up to the dock, he noted. He was very far from home. He hesitated a moment, fearing to face scorn in the eyes of his family and especially in those of Leo. Then he thought back to the blue eyes he adored. To see them again, when he had frankly thought to see them for the last time before, was a reason to return, no matter what.

_ Present time-Leo _

Leo came home, head down, tears rolling in big beads on his cheeks, freely. He no longer had the strength to hide his despair in front of his younger brothers. Certainly, he must be strong, but for the last time in his life, he would allow himself to be weak and one that consoles.   
  
Mikey and Donnie were waiting for him anxiously, their eyes still bloodshot from the tears. 

Leo crashed into a chair, taking his head in his hands.

“I failed ... I could not go out ... There were too many reporters. I couldn’t reveal myself and put you in danger too.”

Donatello and Michelangelo hugged their brother and they cried together for a few minutes.

Leo wiped his tears or at least tried too, and asked miserably about their Sensei.

  
“Do you speak to Master Splinter? We must announce him.”

Mikey shook his head.

“He sleeps in his room. We were waiting for you to come back, to be certain that... there was no more hope.”   
  
“Is he sleeping? At this hour? It's 3 pm, right? This is the time of his soap opera! He never sleeps at this hour!” the leader protested.   
  
“I don’t know, Leo,” Don admitted. “But it is better than he ignores as long as possible the death of Karai and Raphael. At his age….the shock could be fatal.”

With a hopeless cry, Leonardo punched the couch.

“Why did Raph feel obliged to fetch her! You told me he was successful when he changed his mind. Why would he do that! He hated Karai!” he yelled, suddenly out of his mind. It was too much to bear.   
  
With a sigh, Donnie revealed the rest of the information he had promised Raphael to keep secret. It didn’t matter anymore, and he wanted that his sibling knows how noble was Raph’s heart under his ferocious behavior.    
  
Leo blinked stupidly, then dropped into the chair.   
  
“To save this unborn child, Raph compromised the mission and risked his life?” he asked incredulously.    
  
Donatello only nodded and suddenly Leonardo loses all hope. It was indeed what had happened. Raph had off himself in a fire of glory without thinking it would be effective or another less drastic way. It was so Raph, his impetuous lover and brother, that he managed to give Donnie and Mikey a weak smile. He must stay strong for them. 

“Donnie, I need to pull myself together. I am going to retire to my room for a moment to reflect on the explanations to be given to Splinter concerning the death of his children and grandchildren, as gently as possible. Meanwhile, Mikey do you want to give us a soothing infusion to Master Splinter and me?   
  
“Yes, Leo.”   
  
Leonardo, on his way to his room, was to pass Raphael's. He pushed open the door instead of his own. He inhaled the musky odor of the turtle and lay on the futon. His mind replayed his last moments with his lover, the slow caresses and meaningful gazes and all his questions. How could he have been so blind? Raph acted like someone who was intending to leave Leonardo permanently. Leo had only believed in a "break-up", not a planned suicide. Soaking the futon with his tears, he tried to assemble the words to prepare the fatal announcement to their father, but he could not do it. Leo had lost too much with Raphael's death to take the lead and be the responsible elder son today. Donnie will do it.

His sobs were so strong that he didn’t hear the knock at his door. 

“Fearless? Are ya still sleeping?”   
  
The blue eyes widened in shock. Did he have hallucinations? Did he dream?   
  
Leo sat up on the futon, his heart beating, his breath caught in his throat. The turtle he was crying over for hours was there, looking miserable.   
  
“Raph?” he asked, his voice cracking.“ Is that you?”   
  
“Yeah, listen, I'm sorry, Leo, it was a bad idea at first and I should have told ya about it ... mmmmm”   
  
Leo shushed any explanation with a passionate kiss.   
  
Raph, to his great regret, disentangled himself:   
  
"It's not that I'm complaining, but should not ya be very angry?   
  
Leo was suffocating so much in his tears of relief that he barely managed to articulate:   
  
“Do you ... stupid ... alive!”

Leo broke down his tears again, clutching to Raph as his lifeline

“Well, yeah, I'm alive, but thanks to Karai. I'm sorry Leo, I couldn’t save her. Ya mus hate me, now.”   
  
Raph threw himself into a justification that Leo barely listened to. When Leonardo was sure that all this was true, that it was not an illusion that he held tightly in his arms and that Raphael was alive, he took a last shaky breathe. Raph seemed upset, and now that he felt better, he had to comfort his lover.    
  
“Raph, don’t blame yourself. You did your best and I thank you. Karai made her decision knowingly. I think she was very unhappy. The Shredder controlled every aspect of her life, regardless of her happiness, to fulfill his personal ambitions. She lost the one she loves in favor of being united to a horrible mutant and carrying his children! I will mourn her as a courageous woman and a sister, but If I had lost you, Raphael, I don’t know what I will have done,” he explained honestly. “Because I love you, more than a brother.”

The green-amber eyes widened, gleaming in happiness. 

Raph answered to such a declaration with a kiss and they began to be carried away by the passion and joy of reunion when an exclamation separated them:   
  
“Raph! You are alive!”   
  
Mikey threw himself into the arms of his brother under the tender look of Donatello, but his smile was sad.   
  
Leonardo, having noticed Don's troubled expression, approached:   
  
“Donnie. I don’t want to hurt you or compromise our family and team, but I really love Raphael and I think he has amply proven that he loves me too. But if you still have feelings for him, I …”

Donatello shook his hand in a refusal gesture.

“No, Leo. It's not that. Michelangelo and I talked and I can’t believe that I neglected the signals he sent me. You see, Leo, we are animals that we want or not. To think too much sometimes makes us lose sight of the essentials. If you and I had been more attentive to our instincts, none of that would have happened. Raph wouldn’t have been afraid that you would reject him and not hide his feelings under hatred. You probably would not have been acquainted with Karai. So much would not have happened...Master Splinter would not be dead, either.

“Come again?” Leo asked, livid.

“He never came home, Leo. I don’t know what happened. I don’t even think he was the one who answered my text. He must have already died or been a prisoner. The signal from his device, that under the stress of the moment I didn’t think to verify indicates that Master Splinter has never moved from Shredder. He had planned it. I went to his room. He left a message for you. I didn’t open it.   
  
Raphael had paled at Donnie's words. Their father was dead by his fault. Eyes widened in horror, he watched Leo leave the room and head for the room of their late father. Leo quickly found the wrapper of fine rice paper.   
  
_ My son, _ _   
_ _   
_ __ I made a big mistake. I will fix it. I may not come back. Follow your instinct, not an ideology, and be happy. I raised all of you as humans do, but I choked you. I give you a leadership position when you were a turtle tot, and I crashed you. Forgive me, my son, to had tried to erase what was meant to be.

_ I leave you master of your brothers, but sometimes, rest on them in your turn. Donatello tends to forget about meals as well as sleeping. Delegate the task of reminding him of the ray of sunshine that is your youngest brother. Similarly, Michelangelo sometimes has irrational fears. The rational and scientific spirit of your brother Donatello will reassure him. Your brother Raphael is a torrent of emotions flowing in all directions. Channel his emotions towards you, as you have always done, but in a positive way, reassuring him about your unwavering bond. You, to finish my son, have surrounded yourself with so high walls that only Raphael has the strength and the perseverance to reach your heart. Let him in. You do not have to bear any burden, alone. Forgive one last time of my blindness. _

  
Leo rested the letter. In spite of his pain, this blessing beyond the tomb, mixed with the conviction that Raphael was for nothing in the death of their father, reassured him. To seek the body of their father or seek revenge was useless. Splinter had left in peace, and that alone mattered to his son. Moreover, Raph without knowing it had "avenged" him already. He smiled through his tears as he thought back to his father's advice and returned to his brothers to begin a new life. After all, bushido was composed by humans for humans and no matter what percentage of humanity its genetic code was, it basically remained an animal.   
  
-fin-


End file.
